Sunday, February 7, 2016

THE LOVE CALCULATOR


   Relationships are sometimes pretty hard between two people. There will always be disagreements and misunderstandings but one thing about all that is, it can break or make the relationship. You either break up or you make up and are stronger from it. Yes, most times we battle the fear of the unknown that comes with being in a relationship, the uncertainty especially because of past experiences and things heard or seen from the environment. Not knowing where a relationship is headed can be nerve wracking. No one wants their time and emotions to be wasted. No one wants to be taken advantage of. Sometimes cause of it people tend not to give their all or they just clam up with the notion that if anything happens then they won’t feel utterly terrible.
   Once in a while we expect our relationships to turn out the way the movies, magazines, novels say they should. We expect it to follow a certain pattern and also expect our partners to do what everyone else would do. E.g. ‘it’s Valentine’s Day so you should get me a gift, take me out to a candle lit dinner and spend time with me no matter what.’ If it doesn’t go that way, does it mean your partner doesn’t love you or care about you? Well, men are from mars and women are from Venus. Men tend not to reason that way or see anything special about it but the media has made it that way and most wanting to keep the Lady happy, do what is expected for that day. What then happens to the certain few that do not conform to this? Simple, the ladies keep parting ways with them. 
   Which brings me to a point,’compromise and sacrifice’. Sometimes, they are necessary in a relationship. It is a very important tool. You know your spouse likes the whole Valentine razzmatazz but you personally don’t care about it but you still go out of your way and make that extra effort to keep them happy.  Vice versa, you know your hubby sees Valentine as nothing, he may even forget it. In the end he does as expected but you, Valentine lover as you are try to understand and reason as per his character and you don’t break up. You reason it doesn’t mean he has no love for you, he shows it on every other day. You try not to expect your relationship to be like another that her hubby bought her an Aston Martin for Valentine. You see there is compromise and sacrifice on both ends if they decide to. It’s a hard thing to do but it keeps things going.
   Let’s look at it his way, Valentine’s Day wasn’t originally made for lovers but the media and corporate bodies have built a multibillion dollar network on it. They have made huge sums from painting an image of love that has to do with gifts. If you don’t buy gifts for your partner then you don’t love them. Valentine’s Day is a day to measure the love your partner has for you depending on what kind of gift they buy for you. If they love you they’d do so and so. It’s become commercialized but hey what lady doesn’t like romance and gifts? Even, the toughest lady wants it, to feel that craze that Valentine’s Day has to offer.  We have been trained right from the days of reading ‘Mills and Boons’ that romance is to be expected. This is what it should be, so we buy the Valentine Day story, so if you want to keep and make us happy, go out of your way to do it. Romance has been defined in various forms by the media; A box of chocolates, Flowers especially red roses, a candle lit dinner and not just any dinner, expensive gifts, then a night of lovemaking but don’t forget to spread rose petals on the bed and light up scented candles. Is that now the definition of love? If you don’t get the above on that day then your spouse doesn’t love you. Most men now push all that down to just Valentine’s Day. Shouldn’t it be everyday or when you feel like? Should your gift giving be now restricted to only Valentine’s Day, Christmas and birthdays?
   This takes me briefly to another thought, ‘comparison’. We begin to compare our relationships to that of others. Well, not just to theirs but to what is expected.
’ If he doesn’t do it like Femi did for Titi then it means he doesn’t love me’.
 ‘If he did he would go out of his way to make the day special for me.’ 
‘Valentine’s day, he is meant to take me out and spend time with me, get me a gift.’ 
Guys should take note here, in most cases this leads to a break up, don’t forget about sacrifices. Women love romance. Ok, I have another thought. ‘that Femi did all that for Titi does it mean he really loves and cares about her and doesn’t have a lady elsewhere or that they will stay together forever?’ No it doesn’t! It’s been proven that most women get fooled on Valentine’s Day. Smart guys use the whole romance razzmatazz to create a notion of true love. If he wants to get her, Valentine’s Day is perfect; all he has to do is put on a little show. I’m not a love cynic but it’s the truth. It’s just done because it is what is expected or people expect something. Thanks to the false interpretation of love on Valentine’s Day the case of young unmarried teenage pregnancies goes up after this period. It’s said that women go by what they hear but on this day, actions have to speak louder than words so buckle up. Failure to do this,
   Brings in the third parties, friends who help in defining what you just did or didn’t do. Believe me a break up is eminent because if you did nothing or little  then you don’t love her, don’t care about her, take her for granted, she means little to you and God forgive you if you are not in town even if it’s for a genuine reason, she is the side ho. You travelled to be with the number one. Well, instead of talking to friends about it, why not just tell the dude what Valentine’s Day means to you, even the dumbest guy or one who doesn’t give a hoot about the day would go out of his way to make it up to youI don't mean nag about it or complain and sing it all day. Drop hints or say it out straight once. They’d know how you feel about it but hey, what do i know? Yes, people are meant to know like duh, it’s THE DAY, the news about it is everywhere, and sadly some people need to be told. Yes, I said the impossible, actually saying how you feel about it to your partner but that’s communication or isn’t it.
   Finally, your friends aren’t in the relationship with you. Don’t let one day be the judge of your love for each other. I am not asking you to make excuses or make yourself unhappy. You should sit down and check not the things that your partner has said to you and how they said it but their actions. Actions show love. Their actions excluding that day they didn’t live up to and what it shows you. What’s important is how they make you feel by the way they treat you. Besides, you should know your partner better so ask yourself what he/she is really like. How does he/she treat you? And then if you know what they like, going out of your way to do it, would make your partner appreciate you more. If they have a tendency to forget, find out if you can deal with the tendency or not or if forgetting that day ruins every good deed done. Say how you feel. Yes, it does hurt. We all are scared of being too understanding and being fooled and taken for a ride. Everyone shares that fear both, men and women alike.  But, hey, everything is a risk or better put an experiment and no one prays for either to fail, so, Que sera sera. It can go any way so if it’s on the end it side, let it be the right reason, should Valentine’s Day be your love calculator?
  Yeah Valentine's day is next Saturday but seeing this old article you're reading got me thinking again. Don't wait till Valentine's day to show someone you love them. Life is a gift that can be taken away in any moment. Live it. 
  Cheers! Love yourself first and every other thing shall be added unto you. *wink* .
Love, Frances. 

P.S: These are my thoughts on it not a rule You mustn't agree. I don't know it all.
Happy St Valentine's day in advance!
 http://youtu.be/GCHxMX9WaNc

                                                            

Tuesday, January 5, 2016

VIRGINS OR NON-VIRGINS ,WHO'LL MAKE HEAVEN?


  Before I commence let me state that for the purposes of this article a Virgin is not just a girl as many have dashed the importance or duty of being a virgin to the female human. A virgin is a boy or a girl. Both males and females came into this world as virgins. Well, if you’re in the group that doesn’t understand how a male can be a virgin let me clarify a bit more.
   A virgin means you’ve had no carnal knowledge or pleasure i.e. you’ve never had sex in any of its forms most especially penetrative sex. You will agree that a boy comes into this world pure as does a girl.
  
   Religion and culture for centuries has made it a thing of pride and necessity that purity or abstinence from sex be adhered to. Sadly, it’s been left to the females because their bodies have a proof in the hymen to show that they’re virgins. It’s put pressure on females over the years. The males get away with it because there’s nothing to show it in their bodies. I’m guessing this is one of the things that led to the one sided notion that only females are virgins and should be virgins. I’m speaking from the cultural perspective now. Being a virgin has been considered a thing of pride for generations by females. You even hear them say ‘Every man wants a virgin’. The voice in my head is crying ‘Why shouldn’t females demand the same from the males?’ (Every woman should want a virgin and hold the men to the same expectation they’ve been given.)

    You see the males popping cherries, having sex and sowing their wild oats before they finally decide to settle down with a female in marriage, sad to note that this marriage takes place in a religious setting i.e. the two dominant religions; Christianity and Islam.
  Let it be noted that these two religions preach purity. I’ll stress more on the Christian religion that I’m conversant with. It’s stated clearly in the Bible which is the word of God Yes, Fornication is listed as one of the don’ts. Paul the Apostle also said fornication is a sin against the body and CHristians should run from fornication as it is a sin against self and God. Fornication is sex between unmarried persons, two people not married to each other, even self pleasing i.e. masturbation is fornication. It takes two to tango; boy and girl. It never said an unmarried girl shall not fornicate. So, what’s up with the double standards everywhere? Even religious heads in some churches forget to remind their congregation that being a virgin and not fornicating was meant for both sexes. A school of thought will argue that the term ‘fornication’ does not mean sex before marriage, true. Ok, Sex was made by God for married couples, two become one is for married people. Married people married to each other o and not adulterers. Here, I’m talking about unmarried people having sex and not the various branches of fornication.

   Sadly, the choice of not staying a virgin was taken away from most boys (Topic for another day) when they were children without their consent by female teachers, aunts, maids through acts of rape and molestation though they never admit it was rape. Some ladies as we all know and admit lost theirs by rape. For the purpose of this article I’m addressing sex as penetrative sex alone. (Well, to me the sixth commandment covers all offences against the virtue of chastity. )
There’s been a silent and sometimes verbal feud between virgins and non-virgins.

   Most virgins carry on like they’re the holiest of beings. They act like they should be revered and worshipped because they’re virgins. The simple fact of them being a virgin automatically makes them special and a good person. They judge others that aren’t. They think God will keep a place in heaven for them because they are.
    
   Most non-virgins avoid virgins like the plague. They rub it in the virgins’ faces that they’re weirdos and nerds that never had the opportunity to lose it. They also tell them that no one deemed them worthy enough to touch them sexually. They’ve even gone on to call virgins relics of a lost age, accusing them of following a tradition that enslaves and belittles women. They sing that what a man can do, a woman can do better and should enjoy it too. Deep down some are envious that they’re not.
  Most forget that yeah, it was taken from you or you’ve had sex, you can pray to God, ask forgiveness and decide to abstain from fornication and become chaste.
  
   There’s something virgins and non-virgins have in common. They say they love God or Allah and their religions mean the world to them. They show it by belonging in various units in their churches and mosques. They attend services in Church and Mosque religiously. That’s all good and great. If you love God, why don’t you show you love him in the real sense of the word by keeping his laws and making him happy? Is it an eye service love you present to people who’re watching?
   
   If you’re not a virgin and you claim you love God but the night or the morning before service be you a boy or a girl, you bang the brains out of your partner or you masturbate and show that dildo and that new lubricant what you’re made of alone in your room. You show all your bedmatics styles to another human and sing in pleasure and still have the guts and feel alright to walk into God’s place of worship and sit down. You even go ahead to sit down beside said partner in God’s house. You ask for forgiveness and that same day after service you bang your partner’s brain out or run the dildo battery down or jerk off as you watch porno and you’re ok with it and still claim you love God and go about singing you love God, it’s your prerogative really. Jisike! It’s between you and He that see all.

   You’re a virgin, be you boy or girl and you also claim you love God. You say you’re keeping your virginity till you get married because you want to keep God’s word, that’s great. You’re a virgin yet, you tell lies more than a merchant. You are the gossip mistress in your unit and enjoy peddling rumours about other people. You covet and eye and envy your friend’s good fortune, you even go as far as bearing false witness against another. You even stole your room mate or friends piece of clothing and wore it to church. You look at another who’s not a virgin and judge; it’s also your prerogative. Your tribalism is high and you dislike others from a different church and religion. You do this and liver gree you enter church, it’s between you and God.

   You love God and want to enter heaven yet you say you’re a man so you need to have sex whilst not married. You say sex is great and you keep having it whilst not married. You know what you’re doing is wrong; you just tell yourself ‘God will forgive me.’ You ask for forgiveness and go right back to it. You even console yourself with the excuse that you belong to a unit in church and are working for God in God’s house. You truly love God. Methinks God would appreciate you love him in all entirety, in the real sense of it.
  It gets me thinking that if we claim we love God and still hurt him, how then can we love a human being truly? That the world has changed ,does it mean God and his laws clearly stated in the bible have?

   In the end, he without sin should really cast the first stone. Yes, even in that statement there’s a disparity, you don’t know what you’re doing is a sin or you know it is a sin but keep doing it. To be sincere what person above the age twelve doesn’t know left from right, right from wrong? Well, Everything’s between us and our maker as we stay cognizant of the truth that death can come at any time when we least expect it.
Who do you think will make heaven between the two?

 P.S: As all articles on this blog are, these are my thoughts and observations on the matter. 

Saturday, November 21, 2015

TAKING CHANCES.



  Life is full of risks. Nothing is certain. Even if we decide to sit in a place and go nowhere. We can never tell what the outcome of the sitting is. However, one thing is certain, there are some things you just do not sit in your room and wait for. You do not expect to win a lottery by closing yourself off in your room. You still have to stand up and go purchase the lottery ticket. The journey from your room to the lottery office is a risk. What if a car knocks you down as you make your way across to the lottery office?
  We all take chances. Sometimes, we do not even realise we are taking a risk. We see some things as nothing. Opening up your heart and making a new friend, sharing your life and secrets is a risk. What if that friend turns on you? What if he is a villain? If you do not open up and make friends, you still are taking a risk. What if you need help from a friend and you have none?
  You are at a job you hate. You want another but you are scared. Do you know you are taking a risk on both counts? You remain in that unloved job and you miss out on the things you would have had differently. You quit the job; you are taking a chance on losing or not in the new one.
  You failed at one relationship. You decide not to have another. You end up an old maid. You decide to take another, you either succeed and find that person or you fail and keep searching. If we realise that we have nothing to lose because it is all chances, we would be bolder and take risks. We would be bolder in our decisions because they are all what ifs. We move on and on and dream that the risks we are taking are the right moves.
  We are always taking chances. Life is a game of chess. You move to win but you might lose. You stay and protect, you might be conquered in your solitary haven. So, do take your chances and move.
 Thank you for reading my random musing from the past. Cheers!

Sunday, November 1, 2015

PUT YOU DOWN



  I don’t mean that physically. Of course I can’t do that because I never carried you up. I don’t know if you’ve ever met people who specialize in this, especially if they are friends. What then do I mean by put you down?
  Ijeoma had just got into the university. She meets another girl called Rose and they became fast friends. Everywhere Rose went, Ijeoma was never far away. They started having the same friends both guys and girls. Rose was always the life of the party. Ijeoma was the quiet seldom speaking friend. They decided to stay off- campus together. If Ijeoma’s friends came to the room, Rose always won them over. Soon, they’d come to the room to look for Rose, not Ijeoma. You would think, Rose must really be an awesome person and there must be something wrong with Ijeoma. What no one knew was that Rose was feeding on Ijeoma’s confidence. She’d broken her down so much that Ijeoma felt second place and that Rose was better. Rose could never be friends with someone like her or as popular as she was with people, she preferred people that she could put below her. You can liken it to the queen Bees we see in high school movies. If rose and Ijeoma have a quarrel, Rose puts the blame on Ijeoma and tells everyone that cares to listen that it was Ijeoma’s fault. Who do you think they’ll believe the popular girl they all love or the mousey friend that doesn’t talk and follows her around?
  You are still confused how Ijeoma was broken. Anytime she cooked, Rose would complain that’ no this doesn’t taste nice, let me show you how to do it. ‘
  Very soon Ijeoma believed she was a bad cook and Rose was better. She stopped cooking altogether, so no one ever tasted Ijeoma’s cooking when they visited. Ijeoma would dress up and Rose would tell her, ‘
Don’t wear that, your tummy is big or your hips are too big than accepted, your thighs are getting fat work on it, look at the way mine are.’  Sometimes Rose would even tell her;
What you are putting on is not good, it doesn’t fit you. Don’t wear that colour wear this. You have no dress sense, listen to me.’
‘Your face is too long, your eyes are too wide, it should be like mine. You shouldn’t have said that to Seun, you just don’t know how to talk to people. Leave me let me do the talking. That idea of yours is stupid, it won’t work I know believe me, someone close to me tried it before.’
  It went on and on. Ijeoma began to believe there was something wrong with her and Rose was perfect and better.  Ijeoma soon began to believe that she was privileged that Rose chose her out of everyone else to be her friend and confidant. The friendship was now a privilege on one side.  She couldn’t believe her luck to have someone so perfect that everyone likes as a friend. You are asking why she believed Rose. Well, isn’t it said that friends will always tell you the truth? To Ijeoma, Rose was her friend and would never lie to her. Ijeoma’s self confidence was shattered without her knowledge. She had no idea. She never did anything without putting it by Rose; Rose would never lie to her and was her best friend. You as an innocent bystander would see this too girls walking down the street and guess whose beauty and figure you would marvel at? You guessed right, Ijeoma. But Ijeoma never saw this. The signs were there all along but she never believed anyone but Rose. She turned a blind eye to everything until she travelled and lived temporarily with other girls. They all loved Ijeoma. They begged her to cook every time, even to teach them how to cook the way she did. They admired her figure and told her openly. She never believed them and was shocked that they loved her food, it was a battle within before she realised she could cook. You may think she learnt the cooking from Rose but these same girls have tasted Rose’s cooking and they tell Ijeoma that she is better. Slowly, the scales began to drop. Her confidence began to build. Do you think she realized what Rose had done and would keep Rose in her place? Such a structure takes effort to break. Even after the entire realisation, she’s still back with Rose and going through the putting down again.
  I hope you understand a little now what I mean by putting down in my own way. If you now try to look into the psychology of people who put others down, you’d find out that their confidence is suffering a worst blow than yours maybe from their family or a loved one they’ve been trying to please ,so they try to feel important and better by doing same to others. 
  I am not saying that if you are putting your leg into fire and a friend tells you that the person is putting you down. You can always tell who such people are. They know you look better, think better but they can’t have you knowing that. Believe me; you don’t need such people as friends because you will never amount to nothing. They will kill every idea and plan you have by painting it as rubbish even if they know it will make you bigger. Friends should see you as an equal. You bring something into the friendship and so do they. They should be the one to highlight your best qualities to you and to others. They should encourage you and help you attain your goals maybe by their support or insight. Beware of users that would use you to advance themselves and pull you down and make you feel inferior. It is true, where you are headed to can only be made or marred by the kind of friends you keep around you. They help you form an important assessment of yourself. Their impression of you builds an image in your mind that stays there for a long time. If you have the kind of friend Ijeoma has, you should let them go. Why do you think parents are particular about the kind of friends their children keep? Birds of a feather flock together, so look for your kind. No one is perfect, yes but you deserve friends that appreciate you and not depreciate you. The elders always say, ‘show me your friend and I will tell you who you are.’
  It just doesn't happen between mutual friends, It could be in a work environment, a marriage or an intimate relationship, they are everywhere amongst us. They're usually the chatty, supposedly good looking and have it together people. Just take your time and observe your environment, you might notice one or even that you are one. Cheers!

Tuesday, October 13, 2015

NO BRA DAY

  I woke up Tuesday morning, as I’m sure everyone does even before they hit the shower and after they pray (for those who do), I reached for my phone. Everywhere on Social media I was greeted with pictures and talks of it being a ‘NO BRA DAY’.
  It got me thinking. I understand the motive behind the day; to create awareness for breast cancer. What I kept thinking about, ok one of my many thoughts was ‘How does not putting on a bra help breast cancer?’
  Let’s look at this, I’m a dude, I see a lady with no bra on, will I think of breast cancer? Even a lady that sees another with no bra on won’t think of cancer. Some people on social media turned it into a sex game, some took pictures of themselves without their brassieres on and put it up as their profile pictures, some people turned it into a joke on breasts, shapes and sizes etc. Don’t all these defeat the purpose of this day?
  I’m supposed to go around braless reminding women who’ve had their breasts cut off due to breast cancer that they can’t do what I’m doing anymore?
  God forbid you lose a family member to breast cancer but if you have, this no bra day would seem stupid to you. How would this have helped prevent your family member from death?
  Cancer has no cure. For years millions and billions have gone into research for it. More money is still needed as the search for a cure continues. Yes you detect early, it gets taken out, you still have a high risk of it coming back.
  Ok, let me stop beating around the bush. I commend the efforts of whoever started the no bra day but has it helped create funds for research? Has it helped a breast cancer patient pay for treatment? It’s really expensive, believe me. Go into rural areas and see women with breast cancers and no money to pay for it.
  Ok, back to my questions; if you pass a local akara seller on the street with no bra on, will she understand the purpose? If you do it in a village, will they? If you do it, would it prevent that woman with early symptoms that’s running from one church to the other singing her enemies are after her from doing so and knowing what she has?
  It’s just me pondering in my mind as usual, instead of an ineffective and bastardised ‘No bra day’ in the name of breast cancer (Like we’d ask men to go without pants in the name of prostate cancer) why doesn’t it become ‘Donate to breast cancer day’. It’s clear what the purpose is for. It’s clear that it’s not for fun. It is for cancer.
  How do we get the money? There are charities dealing with breast cancer patients and research in every country round the world. Men and women can donate to these charities to help people in their communities. It can even be an online portal and you can donate through there. A dollar, just a dollar from people the world over will and can help with breast cancer research, help pay for a poor patient’s treatment, help with funds for seminars, ads, bills etc that can create awareness. Even if you can’t donate a farthing, be you man or woman, there are women around you, talk to one about breast cancer; it could be your colleague at work, the woman you buy food from at that buka around the corner or something. That way awareness is really created in the true sense of it.
  That’s what I think it should be ‘DONATE FOR BREAST CANCER DAY and not a no bra day. Cancer is real, prevention is great but we need to create awareness better and help with funds for the cure, which should be the goal, the cure. There are many talented researchers round the world, working day and night with practically no funding, searching for a cure.

  Ok, I end my pondering on the ‘NO BRA DAY’ here. Do tell someone about breast cancer, you don’t have to wait for a day when women walk around with nipples pointed through their outfits. Ok, I’m out for real this time. Cheers!

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Saturday, September 26, 2015

LIE TO YOU


Lies! Those little fabrications that can push down a mighty wall. We have all seen lies destroy things that took years to build. Be it a friendship, marriage or company. It all comes tumbling down. Lies are the chink in the armour. The oil in the water. It can kill once it has been uttered. If you like say, ‘I take back the lie.’ The damage has been done. God was aware of this that is why He added it in the Ten Commandments He gave to Moses.
  You might think it is just a little twist to the truth. One thing about lies is they are like cancer, it spreads. Therefore, from one tiny lie it grows to a giant monster chain of lies. I remember the story about the feathers, a basket of feathers was let into the air. It went everywhere. Gathering them back became impossible. Lies are the same. A rumour is a lie. Any fabrication from the truth is a lie. We often lie to protect what people think about us, to gain respect. To save our face before others. Therefore, we lie to either protect what relationship we have with them, so either we lie about ourselves or we lie to them about themselves.
Imagine a little boy who loves the ‘superman ‘comic. His mum tells him he is better than superman is. What did he do? He decides one day to fly. He jumps out his window; arms outstretched and falls to his death. He believed his mother. He died. His mother wept and wept. Please, who killed this little boy?
  Lies can be destructive. Imagine a boy and a girl in a relationship. Girl always tells boy that she loves him. She has another boy she loves too. She does not know how to tell boy1 because she wants to spare his feelings and not hurt him. One-day boy1 discovers about boy2. He feels betrayed, so he takes a gun to himself, girl and boy2. So, who is at fault here? I am trying to tell you that lies bring serious consequences. It does not go away.
  We all think we lie just to other people, not true. We also lie to ourselves. In fact, the lies we tell ourselves are more. Please refer to the article ‘the woman beater’ in this blog to see an example of how a woman lied to herself. You know you are not good at something but you lie to yourself that you are and you are surprised that you do not get rich. You know a friend has been talking about you behind your back but you tell yourself that it is not possible. In the end, it is too late and you end up disgraced and betrayed. Same thing for a partner who is swinging but you tell yourself, they love you so it aint true. You are not happy where you are but you tell yourself and everyone around you that you are. In the end, you are depressed and have a mental breakdown.
  Lies seem little but they are not. They are mighty like David was to Goliath. Yes, the truth is bitter and lying seems much easier. The thing about the truth is that it always comes out. It can never hide. No matter how many years and the things you do to hide it. It will come out. Do tell the truth, even if it is painful. Do not hurt yourself and others with that lie. Yes, with the truth they might not speak to you for ages. It is better you stay true to yourself and who you are. There are people who would appreciate you that way. If you tell someone a truth about himself or herself and they shun you, with time they would be happy you did. Always listen to the little voice of truth in your head and never suppress it. Lies do not, have not and will never pay. So, tell the truth.

Friday, July 24, 2015

THE OTHER'S VIEW


 As humans we have various factors that shape our perception. It ranges from family background, environment, books read, things seen and experienced to our friends. In every topic, no matter how popular a particular view is, there is always a minority that disagrees with the popular view.
If everyone had the same views then we’d never have arguments and discussions as we all try to push our view as the right view.
  Yes, we humans love our views and to most their views are right. Arguments and discussions are a great way to learn and discover how people reason or what they think about things. 
Ok, I always love stories, so here’s a brief one;
               
Stella and Janet chew on their popcorn as they continue their gist about Tolu’s wedding. Immediately, Janet’s phone beeps. She takes a look at it and laughs.
‘Babe, na wetin na?’ Stella asks, curious.
Janet still laughing reads it out;
‘You and your man are walking down the street and a stranger taps your bum. Ladies what would you want your man to do? Fellas, what would you do?’
‘Oya na , Janet what do you want Femi to do?’
‘Defend me as my man, of course.’ Janet shouts excitedly.
‘As for me, I’ll definitely turn back and punch the guy.’ Stella says, mouth filled with popcorn.
‘Stella, what are you saying?  That’s what your man is for.’ Janet’s eyes nearly pop out in disbelief.
‘It’s more of a reflex action. I didn’t learn karate for nothing.’
Janet drops the popcorn in her hand back into the bowl slightly offended. ‘What then is your man there for? You have to wait for him to make a move first. If he doesn’t then you do.’
‘Like I said, I’ll punch him out of reflex.’
Janet adjusts on the seat. ‘That’s the problem with you. You’re a woman. Your man’s role is to protect you not yours.’
Stella looks at Janet confused. ‘That’s what I’d do. You’re Janet, I’m Stella.’
‘The way you reason is not good. So if you have a man in the house, you’ll go and carry your gen and put it on? Act like the woman that you are. That’s what any woman would do, let him defend her.’ Janet’s voice rose.
‘How’s that working out for them?’ Stella retorts.
‘Stella, why you taking it personal?’
‘Janet, it’s what I, Stella would do.’
‘It’s wrong!! Your reasoning is weird. It’s not good.’  Janet responds in full combatant mode.

  Ok, I’ll end it there.  It’s very easy for a discussion to turn from an exchange of views into a trial of character with; ‘That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard? ‘, ‘who reasons like this?’, ‘what planet are you from?’, ‘that’s the problem with you?’, ‘you need to change your reasoning.’ I could go on and on. It turns into disrespect of not just views but of the person with the views. Even if we’re certain that the person’s views are wrong and can be damaging to them, we can tell or show them without disrespecting them.
  We also forget that people have a choice of keeping their views to themselves but they made a decision to share it with us. That is enough reason not to disrespect them. If they didn’t share you wouldn’t know to put them on trial for it.
  Let me not even go into how some people who feel they are grand guardians of the Bible, Quran, society, etc talk to and treat those they feel are stepping outside what they feel is right. There are better ways of doing things, really.
  I know a dude that dropped a friend because every time a discussion came up, the friend made him feel like there was something wrong with him, he got tired. I don’t blame the guy. If you can’t air your views freely to friends who can you air them to?
  Be they friend, acquaintance, foe, you should treat their views how you’d like yours treated, no disrespect to self. Unless it’s your nine year old daughter telling you there’s nothing wrong with her having sex and getting an abortion. Lol! Cheers!


Saturday, July 11, 2015

IT’S NONE OF MY BUSINESS A.K.A e no concern me.

  When asked,’What is the problem with Nigeria?’ every man on the street would tell you ‘our leaders’ ‘bribery and corruption’. True, we all agree but do you know the root of this problem, the cankerworm we are battling in this country? I hope you’d understand in a bit.

  As a little boy, John was told by his mum when he pointed out that his friend; Sean had no sandals ,to mind his business. Anytime, little John spoke to his mum about their neighbours she’d tell him to mind his business that he and members of his family should be his only concern. As a strapping lad of fourteen, the local chemical plant was up in flames and John fetched a bucket to go help out, his mum cried and begged him. ‘My son, do you want to kill yourself because of another man’s company? It’s not your father that owns it. There is no member of our family in that fire. If you die they will not care. It’s none of our business, it doesn’t affect us in any way, and so, why do you want to die?’ John sat back at home. The local chemical plant burnt down.

 At school, John would see his mates during exams bring in their notebooks and pay the teachers to teach them in the hall. His friend, Tayo came to meet him for them to go report to the Principal. He remembered his mother’s steady words. He told Tayo, no, that it was none of their business; theirs was to pass their papers too. If others chose to use that means, it was their business and by reporting them they’d get into trouble with their teachers. Tayo sat back down. In his final year at school, John, Tayo and some friends decided they were going to break louvers and some school property to mark their graduation. A friend of theirs reminded them to think about the juniors that would need those same things they planned to destroy. John told him it was their business and not his, that he’s living his life to the fullest.

  John’s mum was in the crowd when a group of young boys were branded thieves, like the many others in the crowd, she didn’t open her mouth because to her ‘Thank God my son is not one of them. Poor boys! Well, it’s none of my business. I don’t know any of them.’ This thought of hers was the same thought, every single woman, man and child had there.  She went back home thanking God her son was not there.

  Little John enters the University, the lecturers ask them to pay money before they pass their papers, John pays his, when he is approached by some fellow students to follow them to the dean’s office, he tells them it’s none of his business. He gets into the faculty parliament. He sees what the parliamentarians are doing wrong that affects other students, he looks the other way. It has nothing to do with him, it doesn’t affect him and he’s getting paid for each sitting. The affected people should deal with their business.  The school asks for cultists that killed a professor of the school, John knows one of them but he reasons. ‘The man is not my father, uncle nor brother. I don’t know him or any of his family members, besides, Uyoma gives me protection. It’s all none of my business.

  John graduates, gets a job and rises fast. A post opens up in his company, a government outfit, an uncle sends his son who is the least qualified candidate and John gives him the job. To John, it’s in the family, he knows none of the other candidates, and it’s none of his business. The new employee comes in and they cart money away meant for public use to take care of their family. Do they know who the public is and how is that their business?  They laugh over drinks.

  John gets married and has kids. He pays his way in his office and gets a promotion to Abuja. His son, John Jr is not so bright, John pays the teachers to up his grades. He’s cheating nobody and helping his son, that’s his business. John joins a political party and gets into the House of Representatives. He looks out for himself and his family really well. What’s his business with the public? Who are they to him? A foreign company needs rights for their new aviation line. The planes are old planes. John helps them out and they commence business. John buys a house in London and moves his family down there. A company comes they want the contract for road construction, John helps them out. He hears the roads are horrible. Well, he and his family don’t go by road so what’s his business.

  Yes, multiply one John with over 140,000,000 Johns and then you get the problem with Nigeria. No one cares to make a statement, take a stand as long as it doesn’t concern them. The people sing the problems are the leaders. Blame goes both ways. You reading this post are the problem, I writing I’m the problem, the cobbler down the street is the problem, your hairdresser is the problem, every single Nigerian home or in the Diaspora, we are the problem. Little drops of water make a mighty ocean is so true with the Nigerian problem. Our leaders are a tiny fragment of it. Every man for himself. We practise the O.Y.O (on your own) system very well. We don’t do anything unless we have something to gain. We can’t even help our neighbour because he is not family. I sit up and see my generation scream, the old generation is the problem, I look at what we do, the level of depravity, the thrifty habits, the death of some languages /culture because of the encroachment of westernization which should be a good thing and our habits, our self-centred, crowd mentality disease and I look inside my mind for an image of the future in my time and I cringe but then I smile because I know some good young people too. We and only we can change the Nigerian problem by changing ourselves and the little world around us. So, start by sharing in that blame and look to the solution, reach out and lend a hand to your neighbour. Nigeria, is not an individual or a group of individuals, she is made up of different people and hearts, over 140,000,000 of them, irrespective of their tribe and religion.
  It is my business, yours and theirs. E concern all of us.

Friday, July 3, 2015

TOUGH TIMES

  It’s been ten years and a child has eluded Nike like the elixir of life. She’s tried everything. Her in-laws give her hell. Neighbours call her barren, even her friends; laugh at her behind her back. 

  Pounding the pavement is an understatement in Jeff’s case, he’s broken the pavement. Four years after graduating with a first class and still no job experience to add to his resume. His bank account is in red. In his pocket is the last money he has; a lone fifty Naira note, given to him by a sympathetic akara seller in his neighbourhood.

  Jane has gone from one relationship to the other. They all ended badly. ‘
“Doesn’t true love exist anymore?”
She asks herself as she attends yet another friend’s wedding. Age thirty is around the corner. Her parents are getting worried. Well, so is she.

  To everyone, Dotun is super lucky. He’s handsome, rich, uber successful. Unknown to them there’s pain behind the smile. He has cancer. The doctors have given him just a year.

  Samuel moves from one audition venue to the other. The judges are always impressed with his performance.
“Wow! That was really good.”
He goes home but never ever gets a call back. It’s been six months since his last gig.

I don’t know the hurricane you’re going through right now.  It doesn’t just rain around you, it pours and you can’t take it anymore.
As a believer, irrespective of your religion, there will be trials that test your faith. 
You wonder why God is letting it happen.
Remember the story of Job in the bible. The devil looked at Job and said to God. (Pardon my improvisation)
“Big G, he’s praising you because he’s got it all smooth.  Let me at him a lil.”
“Show me what you’ve got” God tells him.
The devil so dealt with Job that death seemed like mercy but Job stood with God. God told the devil it was enough and went on to bless Job with multiples of all he had lost.

Some things you should know: 
God loves you, even if it looks otherwise. 
He will never give you more than you can handle. He sees you.
He wants to use your situation so others will look at your overcoming it and praise His name.
Even if friends desert you, God won’t.
He’s listening, call on him.
  Whatever your trial may be, tough times never last but tough people do. You will bend but you will never break. Don’t give up.
Remain blessed!

Saturday, April 18, 2015

EGGS IN A BASKET

https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-iwrtEiq1CN4/Tc-85squ3nI/AAAAAAAAACA/X3tvuYihJsk/s320/egg-basket.jpg



   What do I mean by eggs in a basket? It does not mean when you carry actual chicken eggs and put them all in a basket. It is an idiom. They say, “Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.' the reason is , if you drop that basket all your eggs would break at once. It’s one expression lots of people take to heart. It is used aptly these days in relationships. It is a case of uncertainty and insecurity if you ask me but it is also a case of being smart. I owe you a story, so here it is;
   Dupe is a banker with one of the new generation banks in Lagos. She meets Lekan, who is an insurance broker. They fall in love and start a serious courtship. 
   One day, 

Wednesday, April 1, 2015

SEARCHING FOR JOHNNY 5 (fiction)

   Blind dates are officially the worst.
   Why did I let Kels drag me into going on this one? I don’t do blind dates, ever. Tessa, calm down. Just smile at him and pretend you’re interested.
   Did Kels, even look at this guy before setting me up with him? She knows the kind of guys I like. Yes, that I’m looking for my Johnny, husband, hubby, whatever, doesn’t mean I should be set up with this. My tastes haven’t changed. That I’ve decided to stick to a person doesn’t mean he should look like this. Oh, wait o, Tessa, is Kels trying to say that I have to settle, that only guys who look like this one will be willing to marry me.
   Hian!
   The restaurant is nice though, so is this yummy plate of Pasta Alfredo. Yum yummy yum! This man before me not yum, one bit. To think I wore my favourite LBD for this thing.
   I’m going to bitch slap Kels when next I see her. I’m sure she’s laughing her heart off. Wait, was Uzo in on this? I’ll kill them both. Who needs besties anyway?
   Tessa, smile again, so he’d think you’re listening; nod your head too in interest. Perfect! He bought it.
I should get the recipe of this pasta from the chef, it’s heavenly.
   I like men. Ok, I love men and that’s just for their basic equipment which my new dildo seems to be handling the job quite well. I don’t love all men that much I know. I like my men tall, well built and most importantly well hung. I’ve never really cared about the brain matter but I do now, if I’m going to be spending forever with one.  This man is a funny caricature of my perfect man; he’s short, round and ugly, I’m sure his little Johnny, penis, sausage, wiener; (lol) is as tiny as my little finger. To top it all off he’s a woman wrapper.
What does woman wrapper mean again sef? Not that he chases women, the opposite; he won’t just shut the fuck up about his ex. Jeez! Kels owes me big time.
   I come on a date to be the centre of attention and the guy; look at him, then take a slow good look at me (lol), who’s meant to be grateful to have been set up on a date with a gorgeous goddess like moi, has spent the past one hour of dinner talking about some girl, I don’t care to remember her name.
   Ok Tessa, give him another, I’m listening smile. What! No, no is he about to....this grown up man is crying. Na wa o! I wish I could disappear from here. People are beginning to stare. I will kill Kels! Tessa, touch his arm, say something, ok, do something. I’ve never seen grown men cry.
‘It’s ok.’ I patted his arm
‘No, it’s not!’ he’s crying harder.
   Mehn, this is not just it. The girl must have do am strong thing. Wait, wetin be his name again? He said it then...OC? Nope! OJ? Nope! Owu? Olu! That’s it.
‘Olu, I don’t think she deserves you.’
‘I’m the one that didn’t deserve her!’
   Chai! His cry have increase o. Tessa do something. I’m not Dr Phil, Oprah or some relationship expert. Which kain wahala be dis one? I’ve got it.
‘Olu, you’re a successful, good looking and honest man. You’re in touch with your feminine side. A lot of women will die to have a man like you.’
   I should win an Oscar or Join Nollywood. Tessa, idi good. His Niagara Falls is drying up.
‘Really?’
‘Yes! Who wouldn’t want a man like you?’
‘But Onyinye left me for him.’
‘That’s her loss.’
   I wouldn’t mind another plate of Pasta. Tessa focus! He just said something.
‘I’m serious Olu. Let’s bet it, she’ll come running back.’
   I hope this lie doesn’t haunt me. He’s shown me a picture of the man she left him for. If it were me, I will never come back to Humpty Dumpty (lol). Tessa Focus!
‘You really think so?’
   Thank God! His crying has stopped. Why would a man cry for a woman? Maybe her pussy was sweet. Or he never believed he could get that kinda girl. Or he’d spent so much on her. Or he’s just a woman in a man’s body. Wait o, why is he staring at me? Oh, my reply.
‘Yes. Do you know what I think? You should join a gym; build your confidence, so that next time she sees you, she’ll want to die with regret. ‘
   He’s smiling. Awwww!
‘Thank you, Theresa.’
‘You’re welcome. I have something to tell you but you didn’t hear it from me. Kelechi, our mutual friend, I think she likes you.’
‘She does?’
‘She always talks about a certain Olu, who is loving and caring that she likes but he was into some other girl.’
‘I like Kelechi and...
‘Remember, you didn’t hear it from me.’
   His face is lit with hope and purpose. Tessa, you are a miracle worker. This is better than bitch slapping Kels. (Lol)Oh my God! Well played, Tessa. Well played. This will teach her to set me on a date with a man-woman.  When did the waiter get here? Olu’s lips are moving. They are big o. Tessa, focus!

‘....do you care for?’
‘Care for?
‘I was asking if you’d like anything else.’
‘Yes, please. Another plate of this Pasta Alfredo and a ginger cocktail.’
   Olu smiles again. Well, it wasn’t a disaster after all, I feel good about myself. Thirty minutes and I’m out of here. What’s he saying again?
‘Can we be friends?’
‘Of course we can, Olu.’

   HELL NO! Where’s the waiter with the food?



You reading, you do understand that all content on this site are copyrighted, my intellectual property and can’t be lifted off into any other form of media? Ok, we’re cool. 

Thursday, March 12, 2015

SEARCHING FOR JOHNNY 4 (fiction)

‘Tessa what are you doing here o? ‘
   I hate going to the mall in the evening. It’s always like a market square, ok, worse than that.  It’s four pm and yet... I don’t know what mum sees in this mall’s bread. She begged me to buy it and now I’ve been told the bread is not ready, I have to wait for two hours. God knows if I leave now, I’d never come back which has led me to this fast food to enjoy this tasteless minced pie.
Uuurggghhh!!!
   Some fast foods should be shut down. Don’t they taste what they...no way...is that? Yes it is. I hope he can’t see me? Nope! Another reason why I hate the mall, you see people you don’t want to see.
   He still looks good. I haven’t seen him in four years. Luke Ogbodo. I would have been married to him; I think or at least dated him if only he’d seen me. Why is my heart beating really fast? Should I go over and say hi before he sees me? Should I hide? Nah! He won’t be able to see me all the way from that fast food across with people passing in the middle.
   Luke was the one guy I ever really liked. We’d known for three years but our relationship never went past the bedroom. Yes God, the sex was great and kinky, really really great. I’m getting wet thinking about it. (Lol). I developed feelings and I told him I liked him, he said he liked me too. I’m never vulnerable, I don’t trust easily and I show no feelings but I did with him. I wanted more than just being fuck buddies. I thought he felt same.  I was invited to a party by a guest and that’s how I met Bola. She could talk sha. I’ve never met anyone that meets you within an hour and downloads her personal file to you.
   One night after three rounds of mind blowing sex, he began to ask me how my day went. I didn’t feel like talking but he kept asking so I told him I ran into a mutual friend called Bola Adeyinka. He sat up fast in bed and asked;
‘I pray you didn’t make me look bad before her? Did you tell her about us?’
   Something died in me that night. I told him no and he went on that he hopes so. I told him she said he likes her that they met at his place two days before and they kissed and stuff. He didn’t deny it. He told me he really liked her that it didn’t mean he didn’t like me too but she’s loving and caring. She’s very playful and fun to chat with. She gets him that he wants to be a friend to her and if I told her about us it would hurt her. She’s had so many bad things happen to her and she’s learning to trust him though her problem was that he had too many girls around him. He wants to be close to her and be someone she can rely on even if they don’t date and he would never hurt her, if they date then it’s God’s will that he really hopes I said nothing.
   I assured him I didn’t because I didn’t and I prayed things work out for them.
   Kels told me I was very stupid that I should have told him the truth. The truth was and is that Bola is bisexual. She was more of a lesbian because she enjoyed sex more with girls. (Lol). I told her nothing about Luke and I and I told Luke nothing about her female lovers.
   Kels insisted then that I should have at least fought for him. I think that’s stupid. I might be a sex freak but I want what my mum and dad had; real love. Someone that likes you and just you, you don’t question if they do or not, it’s evident by their actions besides, who wants to play second fiddle or be a back up for some other girl?
‘Tessa you’re getting emotional o!’
   But it’s true. I want acceptance, some guy that looks at me and knows it’s me he wants. His telling me all that told me the answer I sought; I was just a fuck buddy to him, always was, always will be. She was the ONE to him.
   One thing Kels doesn’t understand till date is, you don’t and should never compete for a guy. That’s going stupid. Choose a person that chooses you. If he wants some other girl, pull out of the picture and let him have her.
‘Tessa you don turn relationship counsellor for your mind. (Lol)’
   Luke and Bola were perfect for each other. He had a saviour complex that only wanted timid pour my problems on you girls that he could save and Bola had the damsel in distress, let me tell you my deepest problems so you can like me syndrome (lol).
   They’ve been married, three years now. I guess Bola realised he was the perfect cover and Luke could never divorce her cause he had an image to protect. Maybe he knew she was bi and thought his mojo and love could save her and be enough (lmfao).
   Kels told me, he found out about Bola’s recent girlfriend, some hot Brazilian chic. He caught them in bed. The news is about town.
   Kels can be funny sometimes, asking me if he comes back for me, would I take him. HELL NO!  Who wants a Tokunbo man? Because the love of your life that you chose turns out to be a mistake, you now remember the poor girl you left behind. Lol!
   I’m six feet of gorgeousness. I’m stubborn,i'm confident, I love sex, I’m crazy, I’m kind and loving if you show it first, I’m a believer of actions not words, anyone who gives up all of this for all of whatever, doesn’t deserve a second of my time.
‘Wait! Did Kels tell him I’ll be here????’
   Thank God, he’s leaving. He’s aged ten years in just three years. I pity him...pity! That’s why my heart was beating fast. Poor Luke!
   I have a blind date next tomorrow. All part of my Johnny quest thanks to Uzo and Kels who sings I have to meet men, go on dates. (Lol)
‘I wonder what he’d be like. There are lots of crazy men in this town sha.’
One hour more to burn here before the infamous bread gets ready. Tessa, you should have just seen a movie.



You reading, you do understand that all content on this site are copyrighted, my intellectual property and can’t be lifted off into any other form of media? Ok, we’re cool.