UNREQUITED LOVE

A mighty pain to love it is,
And ‘tis a pain that pain to miss,
But of all pains, the greatest pain
It is to love ,but love in vain
· Abraham Cowley

That verse said it all. Unrequited love can be and is one of the most painful experiences ever. It can be worse than a break up. Unrequited love according to the Merriam Webster online dictionary ‘love not reciprocated or returned in kind.’ If you ask me, it is half love, a one-way love. There are two forms or more of it. You love the person, you are great friends, platonic ones but you can’t tell them because you don’t want to ruin a friendship or worse they have someone and don’t see you in that light. You love someone, you see every day, they don’t know you exist but you know they do, maybe you work in the same place, are in the same school but you’ve never met them, you pass each other every day. Then the last, which I describe as the worst because I went through it, you are dating someone in some form of relationship, you love him or her and you think they do same. Then, one day you discover it was all in your head and everything was a lie.
This feeling has nothing to do with sex. They are very strong and genuine; it turns out to be an obsession. It is more painful when you think you had someone then realised you did not. It makes you feel like the world’s greatest fool when you realise you were in love alone. There are certain symptoms of unrequited love,
· Making a fool of yourself.
· You daydream about this person a whole lot.
· You create unrealistic hopes and desires.
· Said partner does not take you out, it is an indoors thing. You meet no member of family, close friends or importantly the mom after a certain period.
· You guys go on and off in the relationship thanks to her or him. One minute you are a couple, next, you are in the friend zone and on it goes because they know you love them. They lead you on.
· They take from you physically, emotionally but never give.
· They always make excuses when you ask them to spend time with you.
· You do the reaching out and practically the whole work. they call on you when they need something in disguise maybe moral support, cash, booty call etc.
· You always make excuses for their behaviour, every time.
· There are certain things the person keeps from you. They do not care to really know you or reveal more of themselves. You are not best friends.

You feel you cannot live without them. Nature is funny, when you love someone who does not love you back; it creates an immense longing for him or her, neediness most times taken advantage of by leading you on or use to kick you in the groin. You look at them and you see all the good, you believe they love you within but do not know how to show it. They are different from their exterior. You believe one day, they will wake up, change and realise that they love you, then see you there. When you find out you were led on, you feel used but you still hope and try to show them that you are the one they have always wanted and waited for. Wake up! You are not.
If your love was not returned, then it was never meant to be. Yes, you feel like your heart has broken into a billion shards that it feels like a heart attack. Rejection does that to people. Things happen for a very good reason. Let me tell you one thing and you should believe me, you do not want to spend the rest of your life with someone who doesn’t love you, doesn’t see you, takes you for granted, doesn’t want to really know you, someone who will not share him or herself with you. You do not want to keep being a slave to love, holding on that they will see you someday. No one wants scraps. Do you? You deserve someone that sees you, loves to share and spend time with you. You deserve someone who loves you as much as you love them. You wonder how you will live without them. You just have to have them, even if it means you love them alone. You wonder why they could not love you. Sometimes, they just cannot i.e. if you guys are just friends; it is painful if they make you think they do when they do not. You feel rejected, angry, lost, humiliated but you still love them, you think there is nothing you can do. If you ask me, you are in self-denial and soaking in self-pity, an illusion. You can do something because in the end you will discover it was just an infatuation. Love is not love, if not reciprocated. In my next post, I will share ways to get over an unrequited love. If you have ever been in one. Do share with us by leaving comments. (To be continued)

HOW TO CHANGE PEOPLE

   Change they say is the only constant thing in life. Everything in life goes through a procedure or stages you pick the word you prefer. It is never static. Things move forward, backwards, up, down or sideways, it just has to move. A rock that is in a static position also goes through changes. It doesn’t have to stand up and run. Lol!  Look at the Evolution theory, you and I have come a long way from our Ape days. Let’s visit the Bible; Adam and Eve were naked, then they put on leaves, then the leaves made way for clothes in the time of their children. Then for a while women didn’t wear trousers but now they do and not just that we are reverting back to the Adam and Eve days. What more proof do you need to agree with me that change is constant?
   The right way to have phrased this thought is; ‘Change is the only constant thing in life when it has to do with things, time, fashion and non-humans.’ Change in humans is not constant.

Are you dating a REMORA or are you one????

 You just lost that guy/ girl you thought was the one. He broke your heart into a million pieces and treated you worse than garbage but you still held on till the end because when you first met him he was caring, attentive and flattered you till right about the time you gave up the cookie and WHAM! He changes. You call, text, make trips to his place, sing your love for him but he’s moved on. You sit down in tears dazed by what happened and in walks his friend. He dries your eyes and tells you, you deserve better. That his friend is great but he tried to warn you. He makes you smile and the tears dry up a bit. He listens to you vent and pour out your tears every time and then you begin to see this friend in a new light.  One day, he tells you he’s always had feelings for you but couldn’t say anything because you were dating his friend. Your eyes light up and you sing i lost the wrong one to get the right one. You start seeing each other , you also put out, ‘God bless you ma’am’ . The day you bring up going public and letting his friend know, he says ok. Time passes and nothing happens, it turns into, he can’t do this to his friend. Or he can’t get the images of his friend touching you out of his head. All his friends would talk about it and all that maybe you guys should just stay friends for now until the time is right. Oh don’t get me wrong, some do go public but the relationship always ends.

  It might even be in a reversal ie a girl who broke your heart and her friend swoops in to help you mend it. These people that swoop in are called in my book, a REMORA. Yes, i can hear your brain wheels turning. What is a remora, Frances?

  “A remora fish attaches itself to the belly of a shark. It travels everywhere the shark goes. It eats any parasites on the shark which helps keep the shark clean. It also eats any leftover food from the shark.”

So let me help you break it down further.

  The shark in this equation is that alpha male or female that is handsome, successful and full of themselves (they are sha good at something) and they know it, they can get any girl or guy.

  The remora is their best friend or friend who you see them with everywhere and basks in their shine. These are the shy, not visibly awesome enough friend of the shark ( who says they aren’t handsome but you know what i mean) They don’t have the balls to have you so they wait for their shark friend to have you first. They even help you fall into their friend’s trap because they know they’d be getting you later.

  Who’s the leftover? I’m sorry sugar, you are. Yes, YOU, don’t look behind, you are the shark’s remains. You are in a vulnerable and confused state. Your confidence and oomph has gone down a little, ok maybe a whole lot. *smile*. The shark has left you dazed and in this state you need comforting even from a tiny fish. In swoops the remora *soundtrack playing*

  What service does the remora offer to their shark friend you ask? Come on it is glaring already. They take you off their friend’s back. You don’t belittle yourself with many text messages and go after the shark with a knife or make his life hell as he enjoys his new meal. They also make you feel good about yourself and listen to you vent and cry, they offer you their handkerchief (for their selfish purposes, hehehehehe!). So, no angry, spiteful, crazy you goes after their shark. In return for their service, they have you, the juicy leftover on their plate.

P.S: The shark knows his remora friend had you or will do (they’ve been friends for years and you’re not his first kill.) He either has the shark’s blessings to enjoy his left over or the shark works with him so he can get leftovers later. The PERFECT symbiotic friendship.  A do me, i do you team.

  Guys and ladies, have you ever met one? Think long and hard. Aha! Yes he or she was one. You might even be seeing one now, you can thank me later for saving you the stress *winks*

  Oh and if you just read this and found out that you are a remora, email me for private counselling. How does it feel to be second place and not be a man or woman but enjoy what someone else has had? You need total psych evaluation sha, Mr. and Mrs. second fiddle. Well, on behalf of your sharks, thank you, you’ve done a great job and still are. Get out of their shade and man up; I trained you better than that. Lmao!

  Please feel free to drop your questions, comments and answers below. If you’re not sure you have a remora on your hands, share your story and let’s help you decipher. You think you might be a remora *eyes widen* and you’re not sure, hmmm, share let’s be the judge of that. Either ways, have a beautiful love filled life. Love yourself first and every other thing shall follow suit.

P.S it feels great writing this not inspirational article. *runs away* *comes back* I’m still here for thee. http://youtu.be/GCHxMX9WaNc

                                                            

B-ve trailer (short film)

  presents  , B-ve.

B-ve follows Ivie Okojie (9), a psychotic little boy tired of living in World War Three who is on a mission of love few days to his birthday, to save his mum from an abusive father that hates them both. Does he succeed or not?

A short film Written, Produced and Directed by debutante director and two-time Homevida award winner, Frances Okeke.
Cinematography by Tope Lawanson
With amazing actors like Paul Utomi, Divine Mesh -Masade as Ivie, Femi Amusan,Bukky Thomas,Peace Odiete, Sean Lawson and John Edeh. 

Click on the Video below to watch the trailer.

Couldn't view it? watch it on YouTube, 

http://youtu.be/GCHxMX9WaNc

You can like the Facebook page; www.facebook.com/bnegativefilm  .

KEEPING HOPE ALIVE

 I remember one of my favourite stories of all time ‘PANDORA’S BOX’. If you are a lover of Greek and Roman Mythology you must have heard of it. Pandora’s curiosity got the better of her and she just had to open that box and out into the world came; misery, famine, hunger, hate, sadness and everything evil  known to man was released. Looking into the box, thinking it empty but alas, one was left. One had refused to escape. It was hope.

  In everything there is always hope. Hope for a better life is what wakes you up in the morning. Hope to put forward your best to leave your mark in the world. Hope that you’d find love someday pushes you into relationships with arms wide open no matter how many times your heart gets stomped on the floor. Hope that they’d spend forever with you makes you stand at that altar and say ‘I do’.  Hope for good education, takes you to the university. Hope, that there’d be electricity makes you pay the electricity bills even though your light bulb never blinked last month.

  Hope, there is nothing as powerful as hope. Hope lifts the human spirit. Hope is the reason we all still live in this country. Hope that the missing Chibok girls would be found. Hope that Nigeria can get better. 

  Hope no matter how bleak is hope. It can be a bright burning furnace, it can be a dim matchstick light, and it is hope. Without hope, all is lost. Hope to me is what the religious sects tag as faith.

  They say without faith you have nothing, so I tell you; without Hope you are lost.

  I don’t know if you’ve ever come across the lifeless body of one who has committed suicide? That is a person who had no ray of hope.

  Please keep hope alive. No matter how bleak your future looks right now. You might look around you and you see poverty . You’ve been searching for love but you’ve been thrown to the wolves every time. You’ve been hoping for a better country but the state of your country leaves tears and disbelief in your eyes. Don’t give up. Never ever give up.

  When everything looks bleak and beyond your control, you still have control. That control is hope. Hope will never leave you. Hope has the ability to manifest from your thoughts. Imagine if every citizen stopped complaining and calling the situation hopeless but held on to believe in the future, hope. Hope, I can’t explain it is like a spirit. It brings the right things to help you manifest it your way.

  During the slave trade, the slaves hoped that someday they would be free.  They held on to it tightly. With time, freedom arrived, their hope became real. Then the generations after them hoped for equal rights, to be free and seen as human. With time, segregation was gone and blacks and whites became equal. That hope gave birth to the future which is today, that undying hope has put a black man in the White house. I’m not a preacher but that’s the power of hope.

  People can say what they will about you, about your works, and about your circumstances but only you can change it. Do you believe the picture they have painted? Or do you hold on the hope in your heart that things will change, that where you are now isn’t the you of tomorrow?

  The power lies in you. That power is how big your hope for change is. Forget what you say to others. When you sit down and listen to yourself in the silence of your heart. Do you really have hope?

  I beg you, no matter where and what you find yourself in, there’s always hope. Suicide isn’t the way out. Only you can change that situation if you believe it can change. Your mind and hope becomes you. No one, absolutely no one can take that away from you.

  Keep the hope in you alive; keep the hope in Nigeria alive.

  Don’t lose hope. Cheers to the future you and your future situation.