HOW TO CHANGE PEOPLE

   Change they say is the only constant thing in life. Everything in life goes through a procedure or stages you pick the word you prefer. It is never static. Things move forward, backwards, up, down or sideways, it just has to move. A rock that is in a static position also goes through changes. It doesn’t have to stand up and run. Lol!  Look at the Evolution theory, you and I have come a long way from our Ape days. Let’s visit the Bible; Adam and Eve were naked, then they put on leaves, then the leaves made way for clothes in the time of their children. Then for a while women didn’t wear trousers but now they do and not just that we are reverting back to the Adam and Eve days. What more proof do you need to agree with me that change is constant?
   The right way to have phrased this thought is; ‘Change is the only constant thing in life when it has to do with things, time, fashion and non-humans.’ Change in humans is not constant.

Are you dating a REMORA or are you one????

 You just lost that guy/ girl you thought was the one. He broke your heart into a million pieces and treated you worse than garbage but you still held on till the end because when you first met him he was caring, attentive and flattered you till right about the time you gave up the cookie and WHAM! He changes. You call, text, make trips to his place, sing your love for him but he’s moved on. You sit down in tears dazed by what happened and in walks his friend. He dries your eyes and tells you, you deserve better. That his friend is great but he tried to warn you. He makes you smile and the tears dry up a bit. He listens to you vent and pour out your tears every time and then you begin to see this friend in a new light.  One day, he tells you he’s always had feelings for you but couldn’t say anything because you were dating his friend. Your eyes light up and you sing i lost the wrong one to get the right one. You start seeing each other , you also put out, ‘God bless you ma’am’ . The day you bring up going public and letting his friend know, he says ok. Time passes and nothing happens, it turns into, he can’t do this to his friend. Or he can’t get the images of his friend touching you out of his head. All his friends would talk about it and all that maybe you guys should just stay friends for now until the time is right. Oh don’t get me wrong, some do go public but the relationship always ends.

  It might even be in a reversal ie a girl who broke your heart and her friend swoops in to help you mend it. These people that swoop in are called in my book, a REMORA. Yes, i can hear your brain wheels turning. What is a remora, Frances?

  “A remora fish attaches itself to the belly of a shark. It travels everywhere the shark goes. It eats any parasites on the shark which helps keep the shark clean. It also eats any leftover food from the shark.”

So let me help you break it down further.

  The shark in this equation is that alpha male or female that is handsome, successful and full of themselves (they are sha good at something) and they know it, they can get any girl or guy.

  The remora is their best friend or friend who you see them with everywhere and basks in their shine. These are the shy, not visibly awesome enough friend of the shark ( who says they aren’t handsome but you know what i mean) They don’t have the balls to have you so they wait for their shark friend to have you first. They even help you fall into their friend’s trap because they know they’d be getting you later.

  Who’s the leftover? I’m sorry sugar, you are. Yes, YOU, don’t look behind, you are the shark’s remains. You are in a vulnerable and confused state. Your confidence and oomph has gone down a little, ok maybe a whole lot. *smile*. The shark has left you dazed and in this state you need comforting even from a tiny fish. In swoops the remora *soundtrack playing*

  What service does the remora offer to their shark friend you ask? Come on it is glaring already. They take you off their friend’s back. You don’t belittle yourself with many text messages and go after the shark with a knife or make his life hell as he enjoys his new meal. They also make you feel good about yourself and listen to you vent and cry, they offer you their handkerchief (for their selfish purposes, hehehehehe!). So, no angry, spiteful, crazy you goes after their shark. In return for their service, they have you, the juicy leftover on their plate.

P.S: The shark knows his remora friend had you or will do (they’ve been friends for years and you’re not his first kill.) He either has the shark’s blessings to enjoy his left over or the shark works with him so he can get leftovers later. The PERFECT symbiotic friendship.  A do me, i do you team.

  Guys and ladies, have you ever met one? Think long and hard. Aha! Yes he or she was one. You might even be seeing one now, you can thank me later for saving you the stress *winks*

  Oh and if you just read this and found out that you are a remora, email me for private counselling. How does it feel to be second place and not be a man or woman but enjoy what someone else has had? You need total psych evaluation sha, Mr. and Mrs. second fiddle. Well, on behalf of your sharks, thank you, you’ve done a great job and still are. Get out of their shade and man up; I trained you better than that. Lmao!

  Please feel free to drop your questions, comments and answers below. If you’re not sure you have a remora on your hands, share your story and let’s help you decipher. You think you might be a remora *eyes widen* and you’re not sure, hmmm, share let’s be the judge of that. Either ways, have a beautiful love filled life. Love yourself first and every other thing shall follow suit.

P.S it feels great writing this not inspirational article. *runs away* *comes back* I’m still here for thee. http://youtu.be/GCHxMX9WaNc

                                                            

B-ve trailer (short film)

  presents  , B-ve.

B-ve follows Ivie Okojie (9), a psychotic little boy tired of living in World War Three who is on a mission of love few days to his birthday, to save his mum from an abusive father that hates them both. Does he succeed or not?

A short film Written, Produced and Directed by debutante director and two-time Homevida award winner, Frances Okeke.
Cinematography by Tope Lawanson
With amazing actors like Paul Utomi, Divine Mesh -Masade as Ivie, Femi Amusan,Bukky Thomas,Peace Odiete, Sean Lawson and John Edeh. 

Click on the Video below to watch the trailer.

Couldn't view it? watch it on YouTube, 

http://youtu.be/GCHxMX9WaNc

You can like the Facebook page; www.facebook.com/bnegativefilm  .

KEEPING HOPE ALIVE

 I remember one of my favourite stories of all time ‘PANDORA’S BOX’. If you are a lover of Greek and Roman Mythology you must have heard of it. Pandora’s curiosity got the better of her and she just had to open that box and out into the world came; misery, famine, hunger, hate, sadness and everything evil  known to man was released. Looking into the box, thinking it empty but alas, one was left. One had refused to escape. It was hope.

  In everything there is always hope. Hope for a better life is what wakes you up in the morning. Hope to put forward your best to leave your mark in the world. Hope that you’d find love someday pushes you into relationships with arms wide open no matter how many times your heart gets stomped on the floor. Hope that they’d spend forever with you makes you stand at that altar and say ‘I do’.  Hope for good education, takes you to the university. Hope, that there’d be electricity makes you pay the electricity bills even though your light bulb never blinked last month.

  Hope, there is nothing as powerful as hope. Hope lifts the human spirit. Hope is the reason we all still live in this country. Hope that the missing Chibok girls would be found. Hope that Nigeria can get better. 

  Hope no matter how bleak is hope. It can be a bright burning furnace, it can be a dim matchstick light, and it is hope. Without hope, all is lost. Hope to me is what the religious sects tag as faith.

  They say without faith you have nothing, so I tell you; without Hope you are lost.

  I don’t know if you’ve ever come across the lifeless body of one who has committed suicide? That is a person who had no ray of hope.

  Please keep hope alive. No matter how bleak your future looks right now. You might look around you and you see poverty . You’ve been searching for love but you’ve been thrown to the wolves every time. You’ve been hoping for a better country but the state of your country leaves tears and disbelief in your eyes. Don’t give up. Never ever give up.

  When everything looks bleak and beyond your control, you still have control. That control is hope. Hope will never leave you. Hope has the ability to manifest from your thoughts. Imagine if every citizen stopped complaining and calling the situation hopeless but held on to believe in the future, hope. Hope, I can’t explain it is like a spirit. It brings the right things to help you manifest it your way.

  During the slave trade, the slaves hoped that someday they would be free.  They held on to it tightly. With time, freedom arrived, their hope became real. Then the generations after them hoped for equal rights, to be free and seen as human. With time, segregation was gone and blacks and whites became equal. That hope gave birth to the future which is today, that undying hope has put a black man in the White house. I’m not a preacher but that’s the power of hope.

  People can say what they will about you, about your works, and about your circumstances but only you can change it. Do you believe the picture they have painted? Or do you hold on the hope in your heart that things will change, that where you are now isn’t the you of tomorrow?

  The power lies in you. That power is how big your hope for change is. Forget what you say to others. When you sit down and listen to yourself in the silence of your heart. Do you really have hope?

  I beg you, no matter where and what you find yourself in, there’s always hope. Suicide isn’t the way out. Only you can change that situation if you believe it can change. Your mind and hope becomes you. No one, absolutely no one can take that away from you.

  Keep the hope in you alive; keep the hope in Nigeria alive.

  Don’t lose hope. Cheers to the future you and your future situation. 

BOKO HARAM AND THE TRIBAL STIGMA

  Wow! It’s been over a month already. It’s not like I never had something to say but I was angry. Ok, furious is the word. So much is going on in the country right now. A lot of things have been wrong since I was a little girl and it’s like it all got worse now I’m an adult. Every time, I sat down to right I was blinded by anger. Yes, writing with passion is great but not the kind I was experiencing. I’d just close my system and stare at the ceiling.

  Something I witnessed yesterday jarred me out of my limbo. I don’t know why the two accidents happened a day apart. I was in a public place and a man in the Hausa regalia and cap, sat down in front of me; he had a bag with him. He must have forgotten something because he told the man beside him, to please watch his bag that he’d be right back. He left immediately, leaving his back behind. The man beside me tapped the bag watcher and asked him, why he agreed to watch the bag. He screamed that the man must have left a bomb in it and found an excuse to leave it behind for us. People around agreed. Some people ran away from where we were. Others were angry. They asked the bag watcher to open the bag. He refused. Well, in the middle of all the drama. The bag owner rushed back in with a snack and sat down. I thought the matter would end then but they kept talking about his bag and bombs and boko haram in his presence. They laughed, though there was no laughter on their faces that he must be one of them. The man (bag owner) quietly stood up, picked up his bag and left. I felt ashamed. There was so much hurt in his eyes. I swear, I saw a tear about to drop.

  Then today, I went for a seminar of sorts. Anyways, there was security outside. Everyone had to show their IVs to get in. No one was being searched per se. And along comes this man in the northern regalia and his bag. He showed his IV but they stopped him. He was searched from head to toe. Like some Nigerians are subjected to by the immigration unit of some countries. They took him to a corner and I’m sure searched both his drawers and bag. I stood waiting to see what would happen. Some people around couldn’t help themselves from singing maybe the man had a bomb on him. I went in when the search was taking too long.

  I understand we can’t be too careful and all because of the recent bombings, kidnapping and what not happening.  Maybe I foresaw this in writing my short film, ‘dream poetic’. If we the adults are subjecting a particular tribe and religion to ridicule and labelling them as terrorists and what not just because of what they put on and where they come from, when we move on ,what are we telling our kids? What pace and example are we setting for the younger generation who are the future of our country? Should we because of the doings of a handful of people, condemn a multitude who are innocents?

  I went to the kiosk in my area to buy airtime and I was staggered by what a little girl said to one of the owner’s daughters. I dare not repeat it. I had to take that girl aside and talk to her.

   Should one tribe now become victims, pariahs in their own fatherland? It’s not fair. We all preach the unfairness of the sect killing and abducting people but we now go around killing people with our words and actions, killing people’s spirits much more than the sect.

  Please let’s try and not victimise a tribe. Tribalism in Nigeria has always been an issue but it’s just getting worse. Very soon, our actions would make people scared to utter they are from the north or that they are Muslims. We become their terrorists. Even if we can’t help it, let’s try for our country’s sake. The future of our country. It might look bleak now but every word we utter and action we take has the power to change the course of this country’s future. It might even be through that little boy beside you that looks up to you.

  That someone is from the north or practises Islam doesn’t make them members of any sect. Please let’s not kill people. Let’s not drag this nation down with stigmatising others. I beg every Nigerian. Agreed, it’s sad and deplorable but just imagine if you were from that tribe too or were born into it and people killed you with their words and actions in a land you called home.