Sunday, July 21, 2013

The Mamaputt fiasco.





(Fiction)

The argument was heated.
'Mama puts’ no bad. Dem beta pass all dis fast foods where you de go chop plenty junk dem call oyibo food. Before you know am you don get diabetes abi oyibo disease'
Dayo was screaming on top of his voice.
I was at Bisi’s house. The whole crew was there; Bisi, Dayo, Ingrid, Emeka, Amina and Blaise. We all stayed in the same estate and we’ve been friends since childhood. We were in the parlor.
Blaise, took over the discussion
'that’s not true. Most of these mama puts’ are not hygienic, only God knows in what conditions they prepare those meals. The surroundings they sell them in are even worse….'
'Guy, siddon! You no know wetin you de talk' Emeka interrupted
'you de form butty, you no be African?' He asked in disgust
'If you have N200, you will enter a buka and eat to your satisfaction. You could buy 5 wraps of Amala with Ewedu soup, plenty meat and change will remain for a bottle of mineral. Use that same amount and enter Mr. Biggs na only one meat pie u go fit buy.'
We the girls were watching a movie and listening to them. I am not adverse to Mama puts’. There was a time I ate in them every day. I would buy N50 rice for lunch.
'You’re wrong' Blaise replied. Emeka’s eyes widened in amazement.
'Guy, I don’t know why we’re arguing with him. Let’s just prove him wrong,' Dayo said. He was still busy playing a game on his psp.
'Ok, let’s go to a mama put with N200 for each person then to Mr. Biggs with the same amount' he suggested.
Ingrid stood up 'people, I have to be on my way home. Gist me how it went down later'
we all hugged and she left. Trust me, I was ready for free lunch I did not have to prepare myself so, I asked, 'which mama put do you guys have in mind?'
Emeka, Mr know everywhere, came to the rescue.
'I know a good one. It is the most popular in the area. Everybody loves her food. I eat there every day'
Bisi started laughing 'what do you mean by you eat every day there. Are you joking?'
'No! Her food is the best. People come from all over to buy her food. Her joint is close to that Maroon pry school.'
I remembered the place. There was a crowd every time I passed there. You would even see people coming down from their cars to buy food. Sometimes I saw people dragging for plates and things like that. I am an ardent Nigerian movie fan. That kind buka, I no de chop for dere o!
'Ok guys, let’s go.' Dayo dropped his PSP.
We went outside and got into Dayo and Blaise cars’. Did I forget to mention that D was Bisi’s brother? Off we went to Madam Sheri’s buka. They say her food is as good of that of Sheraton hotel, so, people gave her the name.
It was evening and the crowd was growing. The buka was a small shanty made of corrugated iron. It had a "food is ready" sign near the door with the menu written on it. Madam Sheri was beautiful but plump. She had three other girls working with her. The guys went to place their orders. Emeka, picked up plates, came back and asked
'Ladies, what will you have?'
Amina and Bisi both said Rice and plantain, me, I opted for a bottle of mineral water. I de fear o, thanks to movies. He ran back to the queue. Next thing, a quarrel started.
'Bros, you no de for line before. Na so you wan chance other people. Go for back o! Just respect yourself.' A fine, well dressed guy with sun shades on told Emeka
'No, vex o, im de here before. Na me and am come.' Dayo answered him.
The guy accepted it and backed down. I kept looking at the guy because there was something familiar about him. Then it clicked. He was Maxi, one of the reigning musicians in the country. I could not believe my eyes. In a buka joint? I looked around and saw an actor and a popular actress.  I pointed them out to Amina and Bisi and they bursted into laughter.
'Na wa, even celebrities dey come this buka.' Bisi said as we laughed.
'Dis one na correct Sheraton. They’re lucky we don’t have serious paparazzi here like we have in the States.' Amina added. We bursted into another round of laughter. At the end of the line, another quarrel broke out that turned into a fight. One of the combatants was dressed in a suit. All because of this woman’s food. Na im be the ‘iya Basira’ Styl- Plus sing about o!
The guys came over to the table with the food. We gisted as they ate. Blaise, kept saying, “this is nice”. He asked me to taste it. I took a spoonful and did not see what was special about it. We all laughed at him when he almost ordered for second round.
Emeka asked him smiling, 'So, do you want to try out Mr. Biggs?'
'Nah! You are right. Cannot be this filled with the same money at Biggs. I concede, you win.'
We teased him some more as we drove home.
A few days later, I was walking down my street. I was listening to my I-pod and waving at some neighbours when I saw Blaise. He looked in a hurry.
'Blaise!' I called, he turned around and smiled. I caught up with him. Panting I asked, 'Where are you off to?'
'I’m off to Madam Sheri’s to have lunch.' he said excitedly.
'Why don’t you come over to my place for lunch? We have rice and plantain and my sister is preparing Egusi soup.'
'No, maybe next time.'
When he left. I was surprised. On a good day, Blaise would have invited himself over to my place for lunch. He stayed alone with his dad. I have not seen him the past few days. Na wa, dis na serious mata. It means he now eats every day there. In my mind, I remembered what Nigerian movies would say of such behaviour. I shook my head and continued home.
A month later, I was at Bisi’s crib. We were playing Ludo and talking about the ASUU strike that had kept us home for two months, when Amina rushed into the house.
'Have you guys heard?' she asked in excitement
'Heard what, Mina?' Bisi asked
'Spill the beans na' I added
'Remember that lady we went to her buka some weeks back?'
'Yeah, Madam Sheri, wetin do am?'
'She has been arrested by the police.'
We both stood up from the floor. 'Why?' 'What did she do?'
'Ok! I heard her neighbour’s husband died. Then their pastor decided to do a midnight prayer with the bereaved family. That night as they were praying, they heard someone scream. They went out and saw Madam Sher dressed in a white wrapper, carrying a calabash. To cut the story short, she confessed that she killed the man for rituals. She has been killing people for years. She uses their blood to cook her meals so people would always come back and her business would flourish. People almost killed her if not for the police.' She finished.
Bisi and I looked at ourselves. Dayo entered the parlour looking pale 'Please, tell me that was a movie you just narrated.'
“Nope, it’s not” Amina said with glee.
He ran into the toilet and started vomiting. Emeka and Blaise ran into the house. They were both carrying bottles of olive oil. They were gulping it rapidly. We started laughing at them. Blaise was furious.
'Emeka, you took me there. Jeez! How could you?' He gulped some more.
'Guy, how was I supposed to know she de wash put' He replied. We kept on laughing at them. Dis one na drama.
Since that day, Blaise never set foot in another buka. Emeka still goes but not to the ones with crowd. I am not saying mama puts’ are bad o! I love their affordability and dishes especially on days I do not feel like cooking. However, if you see one with lotsa crowd, people dragging for line and washing plates themselves, just think twice. Yeah, diabolical crap you might say. We love mama put in Lagos but do not forget this is Lagos, Nigeria, Africa!

Monday, July 1, 2013

Celebrating Nigeria’s First Female Cadets

 
 Since the establishment of the Nigerian Defence Academy in 1964, few changes have been as transformative as when in 2011 under the leadership of President Goodluck Jonathan, the Academy was directed to adjust its all-male-officer structure to include female regular combatants and give females equal opportunity in the Nigerian military. And for the first time in the history of the country, females were admitted into the academy.

  All over the world, through cultures and times, women have rarely been

Saturday, June 29, 2013

CASTLES IN THE AIR


  Boy meets girl, he asks her out and they start dating. Girl is beautiful, smart, and independent but she can’t help it, every time she looks at boy she sees her future there. She sees their kids, the home they’d have together. She sees them dressed for events, she sees them old together. It’s only been a month into the relationship and she has built forty years with him in her head already. Every scene has been

Friday, May 10, 2013

DUDES WHAT DO YOU WANT?

 
   You should have heard my friend, Jude, speak then. He would always go into lectures about how girls liked fronting unnecessarily. He said girls front for long and lose good men. He didn’t see the sense in it, that if you meet a guy you like and he likes you and is asking you out, what are you waiting for? Say yes before you miss out on him. The problem with girls is that they are not honest with themselves, they like stringing guys along. They’d now carry the great guys and put in the friend zone. If you see something you like, you should go for it. He’d now give you an example of a girl in his class, Ofure, whom his friend Lucas was interested in. Lucas tried hard to win Ofure over but Ofure acted uninterested. Everyone knew Lucas liked her but as the days turned into five months of trying to win Ofure, Lucas got tired. Luckily for Lucas, another girl

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

OTHER PEOPLE

You see that man and your heart skips. He treats you like a goddess. He goes out of his way for you but when it comes to people he has no reason to be kind to he becomes a monster. He treats the helps like slaves and you tell yourself, ‘it’s because they are just helps’. He treats his family badly and never keeps the promises he made to them and you tell yourself ‘well, maybe they did something to him.’ He never has a kind word to say about his colleagues from work, you see him smile at them before their faces and tears them down behind their backs; he even does same to his friends. You see it all as nothing because he treats you well. He has nothing good to say about his exes and lays the fault at their doors and you say,’ they must have really hurt him.’
  One day you run into an ex of his and without knowing who you are to him, tells you about their relationship,

Sunday, April 21, 2013

LILLIPUT




It has always been one of my favorite novels ‘Gulliver’s’ travels’. I devoured the stories in it especially the one about the little people ‘the Lilliputians’. It was a journey to a different world. I always tried imagining what I would have done if I was Gulliver. I am borrowing the term for a different expression here but not far off from its origin. It is amazing the things we think that are best for us without even stopping to consider the reasons why we feel such things are best. Most women, infact every woman has the fantasy of a tall, dark, and handsome, prince charming, possibly add rich, who falls in love with her on sight and they live happily ever after.
  Why tall, why not short? That is why most people never have good relationships because they are there for all the wrong reasons entirely. They go into it because of the physical appearance. Does the physical appearance portray what is inside? Yes, agreed, you have to like the outward appearance a bit before getting to know the person. Doesn’t love grow anymore?
  If you ask most women their criteria for a man, the first thing on the list is tall. This to me is very bad. I thought one was meant to look for those in built characters that complement us. People keep looking for the wrong packages and not the right ones.
  I decided to go do some research and hear what people had to say. Therefore, I met Temi, a student, she says her guy must be tall, she cannot imagine dating a minus size or short guy. That she will be ashamed to introduce the guy to people as her boyfriend.
Onose, said it was over her dead body, that so if the guy wants to kiss her she’ll kneel down for him, that it’s not the way it’s meant to be, it is not romantic at all and she cannot imagine it happening to her. I got that same reply from all the women I asked.
 One, Lynda, even said that her mom would kick against it seriously and would never let her marry such a guy, that their kids might carry their father’s stunted growth and she wants tall kids.
  What about those guys and women of average height and below are they not meant to be loved too or are they not capable of loving? The first quality any reasonable woman should be looking for in a guy is for a guy who loves her, understanding, compatability, trust and friendship. Things that will last and be there even after you have both grown old and ugly. However, no, we are all looking for a Denzel Washington and RMD to come sweep us off our feet.
These fine, tall brothers are also aware of how they look, if I may remind you, so don’t think the height necessarily ensures you all the good things he can also share elsewhere. What I am saying is do not look on the outside but on the inside. Nobody is perfect and compatible to just anybody. why stay there for all the wrong reasons when there’s someone willing to offer it but you refuse it because say you dey wait for prince charming. No wonder most women get married late, some never do because they’ve painted a picture of the kind of package they want on the outside, and the result is heartbreak. So ladies do keep an open mind and go for the right qualities, I beg you.
Not only the women have a hand abi share in this height debacle, the guys do too.Tunde, an Engineer says,

 'no, I can’t oh, for what? I can’t introduce her as my girlfriend but if it’s for me to collect my 10% (just have sex), I won’t mind at all'
 Henry, a student told me that there are many fishes in the ocean why that one, when I asked him, what of a girl taller than you are? He also said that he could never date a girl taller than he is. So brother, who are you going to date?
  Through this I noticed that average guys like tall girls and very tall guys; do not like girls taller than they are or of same height. So really does the height of a person matter really, shouldn’t it be an inside thing. If you are ok with the inside, why worry about the outside because in the end, it is the inside that matters.  Therefore, what do you want in your package?

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Men are from Mars,Women are from Venus

  I have been hearing that line for years. ‘men are from mars and women are from Venus’ then i thought it was another scientific discovery that proved that God didn’t create men at all, so I called it balderdash! I kept hearing it on TV, radio, etc. I developed a new thought, maybe it’s an idiom used to explain or describe the differences between men and women. I did not know how close and far off I was from the answer. I know you are wondering what are Mars and Venus; planets have to do with man?
  I got my answer the day I followed a friend who was desperately looking for a self-help book at a bookstore in Ikeja. You know-self help books treat everything from how to be a great parent, to how to be a good wife. They have everything from books in relationship, to books in psychology, cooking, handicraft and the list goes on. That was where I saw it, written in bold pink letters ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’. I just had to buy it. I could not believe it was just a book after all. Therefore, i got it. It is written by Dr John Gray. As I read this book, everything began to make sense and I wondered where this book had been all these years. I will share some things I learnt and I know are common mistakes we all make in our relationships with you.,plus my thoughts in brackets. I hope I will not be sued for this, lols! Anyways, if you want the full details, go get your copy ,I got mine.
·     We mistakenly assume that if our partners love us they will react in certain ways; the ways we react and behave when we love someone, forgetting that men and women handle situations in a completely different manner and the other person is not YOU. (This is where we expect out partners' to be mind readers and know what we want, the way we want it or reason if it were me i would do this like this. We all are different beings ,so let up.)
·     A man tries to change a woman’s feelings when she is upset by becoming Mr. fix-it and offering solutions to her problems. He does not know that sometimes we women just want to be listened to, so, hush! Do not talk just listen.
·     A woman tries to change a man’s behaviour when he makes mistakes by becoming the home improvement committee and offering unsolicited  advice and help not knowing how critical and unloving she sounds because what he is reading from it is that you think  he doesn’t know what to do. (Don't be madam know it all, if you don't like being told you don't know how to cook, imagine how he feels when you tell him how to do stuff he should know. Let him make the mistakes, men have amazingly fragile egos.)
·     A man will want to make improvements, when he feels he is being approached as the solution to a problem rather than the problem itself.  (instead of saying 'I need to talk to you' try 'I have a problem' or 'I need your help' then introduce that thing he does you don't like diplomatically. Diplomacy goes a long way not just with strangers but your partner as well.)
·     Men are motivated and empowered when they feel needed by their women and women, when they feel cherished by their men.( you can do it yeah it is the independent woman era but that's why he is there, let him be the man. Men, let her know how much you love and appreciate her, we like to hear it, so show it,don't just say it. We feed off it)
·     A man’s deepest fear is that he is not good enough or that he is incompetent. Men need love too. ( Woman, you are not the only one that needs to hear that you are loved or have it shown to you, appreciate him and show him by words and actions that you love him, it's not just with sex. Men are human beings too. If you don't some other woman will help you out.)
·     The four magic words to support a man are; ‘It’s not your fault.’ (No matter how you just want to say it and pass the buick abi blame, shut the hell up. Everyone makes mistakes. You don't have to rub it in that you are right everytime.)
·     Men should never forget to reassure their women of their love, it is a basic need of women, to need re-assurance.(we are all insecure beings, tell us you do, everytime.)
·     In relationships, men pull back (withdraws emotionally) and then get close, while women rise and fall in their ability to love themselves and others. (give each other some space when needed)
·     When negative feelings are suppressed for a long time, positive feelings become suppressed as well and love dies. ( If your partner does something you don't like, tell them because it will be repeated next time. Forget tolerance, say it not rudely but calmly. Say how it makes you feel or it would grow into resentment and you'd start hating your partner, forgetting you never said a word.)
·     It puts too much pressure on a man, when you make him the only source of love and support. (love yourself woman and let him have a life apart from you, you should too, hang out with your girls and do things you love. Get a job and have a life, not when you need to buy toothpick you call on him.)
·     A man thinks that once he has met all of a woman’s primary love needs and she feels happy and secure, that she should know from then on that she is loved. (we need to hear it, so say it a lot.)

  When I was through with the book, I was amazed and felt well educated about the two beings called man and woman. Then I wondered, if I’m really in a bad mood and feel hurt would I at that moment even remember a weensy teensy bit of all this. hell no! I do not think so. Well, they say ‘no knowledge is lost.’ I hope you learnt a little. If you need the whole details, you know where to get them so you can stop making those mistakes because knowledge is power. Cheers and Good luck!!!

Sunday, March 17, 2013

GARBAGE IN,GARBAGE OUT!

                                                              (written five years ago.)

   (I just had to bring this article back)


    What by Jove does that mean? I do not really think I know. Is it something good or evil? Guess it goes in and comes out as a stick of cigarette does with the exhalation of smoke. It does sound somewhat military, no computer language, I think.
     These days the rate of immorality amongst children and youths is something un-imaginable. Things I couldn't do at an age so young are done now.  Maybe, I would have done this particular thing but my parents weren't that type of parents. It's not as though I’m a grandma now. What exactly am I trying to say? Let me let you in on it. A female child of four, her parents buy her skimpy dresses that cover nothing at all. They see nothing wrong with it, they say, they want their child to look smart besides she is just a small girl (do not blame the rise of pedophiles these days). Please! What happened to smart, frilly, girly dresses, if I may ask? The little girl grows older, at 8yrs; she is still wearing such clothes until she gets to adolescence. We all did Biology and primary science, even if you were the dumbest in class, we know at that age, her breasts and other things (do not ask me to mention them) starts to develop. You can just imagine the picture. Do not blame her; she sees nothing wrong in it, which is how she was raised. After mum and dad, will tell her to stop wearing such clothes but Madam and Oga, Na una start am o! This was the case scenario for Hilda . Her family was my neighbor. Her parents were very rich, they bought her all sorts of clothes, very nice but skimpy. To be sincere, I envied her, we all did, and she was a few years older than I was. Her parents were never around, if her mum was not in Dubai, she was in Abuja, same for her dad; he was always travelling out of the country. She was left at the mercy of house-helps. She never lacked a thing. Men! Did we envy her because to us then, she had everything;she had the freedom we never had,she could do and have anything she wanted. As she got older, we started hearing gists of her with this boy and that boy in the estate. Next thing, it was that she was seen at various hotels in the arms of different men. She was now into prostitution or aristo, which is the better word, she drank, smoked, her dressing was bizarre. Even then, her parents were still never around. One day, a fight erupted in the neighborhood; the wife of one of her paramours beat her black and blue. After, we did not see Hilda around anymore. I later heard that her parents sent her out of the country after the incident. (I don't know if they expect her to change over there,lol! i guess they took her out to save the family from embarassement.) I believe the Holy Book said something about showing a child the right way to walk and he will never depart from it. Therefore, you see it is not her fault one bit. She was not well informed, since her parents were never around. Parents these days leave their children at home with the help and focus more on their jobs. It is not about providing them with all the material things in the world, what happened to the training and love parents give? Why bring a child into the world if you know you cannot take care of the child? Do not even bother. Garbage in, garbage out.
    When I was little, children were children. We played all kinds of outdoor games that made our brains sharp( don't know about you anyways) like, Suwe, Ten-ten, Police and thief, Ring-a-roses and so on. Watched cartoons and children movies like, Sound of music, Walt Disney fairy tales&cartoons, Hannah-Barbera cartoons and read many books. These days, good grief! You cannot help but weep. Yes, kids these days are smart too but they don't have fun.They play computer games filled with violence, shoot and kill! Watch violent cartoons, adult films and vulgar R&B and rap songs(i love rap). They don't read books no more. please, what happened to parental guidance? I have absolutely no idea. Even the so called Cartoon Network shows cartoons were robots are having sex. Parents do not check what their children take in because they do not have the time. You see a girl of 14 and she acts,looks and dresses 30. Our kids are growing up too fast,way too fast. This is a psychological problem but people don't know it. They want to be more than themselves, they feel adults have it all and they want some. They are seeking for attention. There is no one to look at that little girl and tell her there is nothing wrong in being 14. It's an awesome age. If she continues at this pace when she gets to 40, she has regrets and is tired already, there's nothing more to discover. No wonder we have, rapists, pedophilles, ,homophiles everywhere because they are looking for new thrills. (I have friends that are homophiles and through series of discussions, i understand this was one of it,reasons.) Kids of four have boyfriends and girlfriends already and before the age of 12, they have had sex. Nothing is left for adulthood. I even see parents that encourage it, they make fun of it. Do you think kids are stupid and are not listening and seeing the things you make them do? They say it's a modern age. Does that mean our morality should take a back-burner? Then we pat ourselves and say we serve God. 

   There are no songs for kids and the ones available idolize sex. Their music idols are sex symbols. If Beiber can do it, why shouldn't they? Their music and movie idols in Nigeria, say it's great ,so why can't they?  Hey! What is wrong with the media? They are corrupting our kids. A TV station that is on 24hrs will show kid's programme for only 30minutes or nigh an hour. What do they expect the kids to watch, they will watch every other thing they are showing too. Why don't we have a TV station for kids, as other countries do? That is why Cartoon Network is making their money in different countries, though they have been banned from some. Manga is definitely not for kids, i have read the comic versions so i can say it. We need a TV station for Nigerian kids or don't you think so? PG should be added to the TV programmes or something. Parents restrict the sites your kids can visit on the world wide web. I look into the eyes of little kids today and their innocence are gone.
    Now, we can see why  immorality is climbing. They are all giving out and practicing what they have taken in. Seriously, I do not want to imagine what the next few years would look like, with too many things that have been stored being let out.They have no one to talk to. Most of them suffer such psychological trauma, trying to find themselves as they mature, since they have no one to talk to, they talk to their peers who are as lost as they are or they look to the media. I pray for my noble country.What goes in, most surely come out. Garbage in, garbage out!

Monday, March 11, 2013

IS HE OR IS HE NOT?


  Men are from mars and women are from Venus, is what is used to explain the differences between men and women. Yes we agree but then in the world of today when it seems the traditional role has been reversed, how do you tell a man that is really into you. I could tell you the usual suspects about him calling you all day long or introducing you to the folks; well, I have had people who experienced the two and felt he was the one  only to realise he wasn’t. So, how do you tell if he is or he isn’t?  Yes, you shouldn’t push the man, let him make all the decisions, understand your place as the woman, we hear that a lot but how do you tell, how do you look out for your heart before it gets broken to pieces without a thought? What signs are there? Well, would share the little things with you and I hope they help you decide because you deserve to be happy.
·    Hot and cold: you are dating a guy and today, he loves you and tomorrow he wants you both to be friends. You don’t know where you stand. He’s playing games with your mind. He says this and says another. Yes you are not a mind reader .There is nothing as infuriating and  nerve wracking like not knowing where you stand especially if you are in love with the person. A guy that is interested in you wouldn’t want to play mind games with you. He’ll be open to you. We always explain away the mind games with ‘all men don’t know what they want. We have to help them decide.’ If a guy is blowing hot and cold on you, then he only sees you as a fling or nothing serious. His excuses are taller than a pyramid.Men know what they want when they see it. If you are wifey potential, fling potential, backup potential they know so stop making excuses. If he’s acting all confused, step away. You will only get hurt believing he’d wake up and see you standing with him and supporting him, being there for him. Don’t give me the Tuface and Annie story, you weren’t there. Move back until he knows what he wants or better still move on. You are not a light switch so give yourself some respect. If he’s into you he wouldn’t want to send you the wrong signal, so he wouldn’t play games.
·    Actions not words: women are creatures of words. We get deceived with words. Well, men are cognizant of that and tell you what you want to hear. A man that’s into you, that’s a different species, he backs up his words with actions. I don’t mean when he says he’ll buy you a phone and then does it. If that’s your basis for a relationship then you shouldn’t be reading this post. He says he loves you and he goes out by little deeds to show you how. He makes effort to spend time with you no matter how busy he is. He wants to hear your voice even though his whole day has been filled with meetings; just the sound of your voice makes him happy. He heard you say you wanted to see a chick flick and takes you to see it. He heard you complain yesterday about something and goes on to do it for you. Those little things. You say you are not ready for sex and he holds himself back. He treats you right. He listens to you, asks what you think, and shows you off to friends and family. He is proud of you and what you do even if it’s beans you selling. You shouldn’t just listen to words, look at the actions. The way a man treats you speaks volumes about how he feels and not his singing you a love poem. He stands by you in times of trouble. If you have a doer then you better treat him right and hold on to him.
·    Knows you: does he know you, the real you? I don’t mean stuff like what you do for a living, the kind of cars you like or the countries you want to visit. Does he know the real you that matters? A guy that is into you would want to know even the most silly things about you like, ‘what your middle name is, what primary school you went to, if you had a bully in school or you were the bully, how you feel about certain issues, the most embarrassing moment in your life, etc. He’d want to know your fears and hopes and dreams. I don’t mean you giving the info for free without his asking. If he’s into you, he would do the asking. He’d want to know everything, every little detail, share those parts of your life he missed. He’d want to know you in and out because you are the most important thing and the most interesting person to him. Asides wanting to know you, he’d want for you to know him too. He wants to share his life with you too, even those things he doesn’t dare share to the world he’d share with you. Simply put, he’d want to be your best friend and vice versa. Look at it his way, he wants to know you so he’d know how to please and love you better. If he doesn’t know all those silly little things how would he know what gift to get you or what he’d do that will please you and make you love him more? If your man doesn’t know your middle name or how secondary school was for you and those other silly things. He never asks or cares to and you still call him your man. Please evaluate that ‘my man’ you use. When you spend time together what exactly do you do?
·    Listens: does he really listen? He might keep quiet and hear you talk but does that mean he is listening? No it does not. When you talk to him, does he look at you and pays attention or does he reply all the messages and pings on his phone? Women love to talk about how they feel. We love to be listened to. It’s important to us. How do you tell he’s listening then? If you tell him in one of your many talks that you love artworks and it’s your birthday and he gets you an artwork, then he is listening. Another day you quipped into another long talk that you’ve never seen ‘Mrs somebody’ and your friend was telling you about it. Days later he takes you to the cinema or buys the movie and sits with you even though he hates Nigerian movies and it is a chick flick, he is listening. If a man is into you, he will listen to you, pay attention to you. When a woman talks you can tell how she feels about a whole lot of things. It’s in our nature to talk about our feelings and complain. He will listen because he wants to know what makes you happy or sad and how to make you feel good.
·    Respects you: there is nothing like respect. I see women who give it away and say he loves them. If he loves you he will respect you. He will accept you the way you are with your differences. He will respect your feelings on issues. He will not try to change you. He takes your no for your no and doesn’t get angry about it. He doesn’t try to belittle you before his friends or in public. He doesn’t tell you, you are not good enough. He looks and treats you with respect if he’s into you. He respects the kind of work you do. He takes you the way you are.  He admires you and gives you due attention now that is respect. A man that is thoughtful about your feelings respects you.
·    Opens up to you: If he’s into you, he lets you into his life. He shares his fears and worries. Yes they say a real man wouldn’t want to burden you. Please, do you think great men like Obama do not open up to their Michelle? A man that is into you wants your opinion and wants to seek your advice. He comes to you when he is down. He wants to involve you in every facet of his life. He trusts, respects and loves you enough to be himself with you, to be vulnerable. He goes to the extent of sharing his day with you, without even asking you know his itinerary for the day. If you don’t know what ‘your man’ is going through then take a step back. He doesn’t share himself with you and you tell yourself ‘men don’t like sharing their feelings, they don’t like opening up. At least he said he loves me.’ Stop dreaming and wake up.
·    Friends and Family: How does he introduce you to his friends, especially his female friends? If he’s into you, he’d make it clear to everyone with the way he introduces you. We let our friends know how important someone is by how we introduce them, so how did he introduce you. When you meet his family, how did he introduce you? Another question is have you met his friend s and family? He’d want to show you off, create opportunities for his friends who are important to him to meet you and get to know you too, same for his family. If you haven’t met any then I don’t know what to tell you. You meet them and he doesn’t attach a serious label before or after your name during the introduction then you should be smart. He will accept and tolerate your friends and family for your sake even if he doesn’t particularly like them but he will make the effort for you and not tell you to give up friends you had before you met him, just saying.
·    He never asked you: the dude never asked you officially to be his girl and you tell yourself he is yours. You say he digs you and you both are going with the flow. Good for you, you will flow out onto the floor. If he is into you, he will make it exclusive by asking you officially. He wouldn’t want to take his chances. He’d spell it out. If he hasn’t and you are warming the bed, cooking, and doing everything. Well, don’t mistake sex for love. A man can sleep with you all day and not be into you. So, has he asked you officially or are you just wasting your time?
   These are the major factors to look out for. If you have a man on the positive of all these then he is a keeper, if the opposite then better know what you want. What exactly do you want from him? Do you want to be a fling or more? Matters of the heart are very tough and it’s easier to think with the heart than with the head. The truth is love for yourself and self respect comes with making decisions that make you happy, don’t ever settle for less. You’d be there crying and thinking about the dude when you are nothing more than a passing pleasure. It’s time you made yourself happy, if he’s not showing it, you are not a soothsayer and playing a confused waiting game with your heart is detrimental to your focus in every sphere of your life. Remember you can’t make someone love you so don’t waste your time hoping and praying in an uneven relationship.  Learn to let go and don’t hang on as a friend and be hoping. You deserve a man that is into you as you are him and not half chops.  Check the vital signs and know when to let go. It shows strength of character, not weakness. What makes you happy?

Saturday, January 19, 2013

IS YOUR LOVE BLIND?


‘Love is blind.’ It is a general conclusion. Is it literal or figurative? I came across that expression during my Shakespeare mania days in his book The Merchant of Venice “love is blind and lovers cannot see.” Mercutio, one of the characters pointed out... “If love be blind, love cannot see the mark.” Now, you see it has been believed in over the ages and centuries that love is blind. Science proved this too. A research study by University College London in 2004 discovered that feelings of love suppressed the activity of the areas of the brain that control logical and rational thought. They say these neurochemical binders wear off as the relationship settles in.
That is for them. I have come to my conclusion that love is not blind. People are blind. Any love that is detrimental to your health and

Sunday, December 16, 2012

UNGRATEFUL MUCH

   Are you grateful? I’m sure you’d tell me ‘yes I am. I wake up every morning and I thank my maker.’ Do you know sometimes our supposed prayers of thanksgiving can be born out of routine? We say the words but don’t really mean them. It’s like an automated response; we know we have to say it, so we do. Then most of us make a habit of not saying or really meaning that thank you unless something we’ve always wanted has been granted to us. Then you hear

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Moving On

 ( This post was my third post ever. So, it is a blast from the past. I just had to bring it back. Enjoy and i hope it helps you.)
  Relationships are very binding. They can also be very tasking. They can make us and can break us. If your relationship is a good one, you grow, if it is bad it robs your self-esteem. Being in a relationship is same as growing a flower garden. You put your

Sunday, September 30, 2012

Reputation and What do Others Think about You? ( THE CONCLUSION)

  Yes, what people say can serve as a safety check towards your relationship with them but it also serves as a poison that kills you slowly. You lose your individuality in it.
  How do you lose your individuality? You do what they do because you want acceptance even if you don’t agree with it. You do it every time. It becomes your pocket bible.  Have you ever stood before your mirror trying on a dress, you love it and feel so comfortable in it but you tell yourself "people will point at me when I walk down the road. They’d think the style is bizarre" then you pull the dress off for another.
 Let me give you another scenario. You have friends that love partying and staying out late. You enjoy staying home, curled up on your couch with a bowl of potato chips on your lap and watch a movie but you don’t. You keep going out with them every night because you don’t want them to judge you.

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Reputation and what do others think about you?



  We’ve all heard the word ‘reputation’  .Maybe your parents flung it at you.
 "How can you want to marry a Hausa boy? Don’t you know I’m a pastor? Do you want to ruin my reputation and that of this family?"
"Please when you get to school, remember the family you are coming from. Do not engage in anything that will ruin the reputation of this family."
"How can you come out with a third class? You have just ruined my reputation, you useless boy. My friends’ children all made first class and second class uppers."
"Where are you going to dressed like that, do you want to ruin my reputation? What would our neighbours say if they saw you outside?"
"How can you take the last position in class every time? Why is my own child different? Don’t you see how well the Onabanjo’s son did and he is in your class?"
"You cannot be a musician in this house. It is over my dead body. You want people to say my son is useless