· Hot and cold: you are dating a guy and today, he loves you and tomorrow he wants you both to be friends. You don’t know where you stand. He’s playing games with your mind. He says this and says another. Yes you are not a mind reader .There is nothing as infuriating and nerve wracking like not knowing where you stand especially if you are in love with the person. A guy that is interested in you wouldn’t want to play mind games with you. He’ll be open to you. We always explain away the mind games with ‘all men don’t know what they want. We have to help them decide.’ If a guy is blowing hot and cold on you, then he only sees you as a fling or nothing serious. His excuses are taller than a pyramid.Men know what they want when they see it. If you are wifey potential, fling potential, backup potential they know so stop making excuses. If he’s acting all confused, step away. You will only get hurt believing he’d wake up and see you standing with him and supporting him, being there for him. Don’t give me the Tuface and Annie story, you weren’t there. Move back until he knows what he wants or better still move on. You are not a light switch so give yourself some respect. If he’s into you he wouldn’t want to send you the wrong signal, so he wouldn’t play games.
· Actions not words: women are creatures of words. We get deceived with words. Well, men are cognizant of that and tell you what you want to hear. A man that’s into you, that’s a different species, he backs up his words with actions. I don’t mean when he says he’ll buy you a phone and then does it. If that’s your basis for a relationship then you shouldn’t be reading this post. He says he loves you and he goes out by little deeds to show you how. He makes effort to spend time with you no matter how busy he is. He wants to hear your voice even though his whole day has been filled with meetings; just the sound of your voice makes him happy. He heard you say you wanted to see a chick flick and takes you to see it. He heard you complain yesterday about something and goes on to do it for you. Those little things. You say you are not ready for sex and he holds himself back. He treats you right. He listens to you, asks what you think, and shows you off to friends and family. He is proud of you and what you do even if it’s beans you selling. You shouldn’t just listen to words, look at the actions. The way a man treats you speaks volumes about how he feels and not his singing you a love poem. He stands by you in times of trouble. If you have a doer then you better treat him right and hold on to him.
· Knows you: does he know you, the real you? I don’t mean stuff like what you do for a living, the kind of cars you like or the countries you want to visit. Does he know the real you that matters? A guy that is into you would want to know even the most silly things about you like, ‘what your middle name is, what primary school you went to, if you had a bully in school or you were the bully, how you feel about certain issues, the most embarrassing moment in your life, etc. He’d want to know your fears and hopes and dreams. I don’t mean you giving the info for free without his asking. If he’s into you, he would do the asking. He’d want to know everything, every little detail, share those parts of your life he missed. He’d want to know you in and out because you are the most important thing and the most interesting person to him. Asides wanting to know you, he’d want for you to know him too. He wants to share his life with you too, even those things he doesn’t dare share to the world he’d share with you. Simply put, he’d want to be your best friend and vice versa. Look at it his way, he wants to know you so he’d know how to please and love you better. If he doesn’t know all those silly little things how would he know what gift to get you or what he’d do that will please you and make you love him more? If your man doesn’t know your middle name or how secondary school was for you and those other silly things. He never asks or cares to and you still call him your man. Please evaluate that ‘my man’ you use. When you spend time together what exactly do you do?
· Listens: does he really listen? He might keep quiet and hear you talk but does that mean he is listening? No it does not. When you talk to him, does he look at you and pays attention or does he reply all the messages and pings on his phone? Women love to talk about how they feel. We love to be listened to. It’s important to us. How do you tell he’s listening then? If you tell him in one of your many talks that you love artworks and it’s your birthday and he gets you an artwork, then he is listening. Another day you quipped into another long talk that you’ve never seen ‘Mrs somebody’ and your friend was telling you about it. Days later he takes you to the cinema or buys the movie and sits with you even though he hates Nigerian movies and it is a chick flick, he is listening. If a man is into you, he will listen to you, pay attention to you. When a woman talks you can tell how she feels about a whole lot of things. It’s in our nature to talk about our feelings and complain. He will listen because he wants to know what makes you happy or sad and how to make you feel good.
· Respects you: there is nothing like respect. I see women who give it away and say he loves them. If he loves you he will respect you. He will accept you the way you are with your differences. He will respect your feelings on issues. He will not try to change you. He takes your no for your no and doesn’t get angry about it. He doesn’t try to belittle you before his friends or in public. He doesn’t tell you, you are not good enough. He looks and treats you with respect if he’s into you. He respects the kind of work you do. He takes you the way you are. He admires you and gives you due attention now that is respect. A man that is thoughtful about your feelings respects you.
· Opens up to you: If he’s into you, he lets you into his life. He shares his fears and worries. Yes they say a real man wouldn’t want to burden you. Please, do you think great men like Obama do not open up to their Michelle? A man that is into you wants your opinion and wants to seek your advice. He comes to you when he is down. He wants to involve you in every facet of his life. He trusts, respects and loves you enough to be himself with you, to be vulnerable. He goes to the extent of sharing his day with you, without even asking you know his itinerary for the day. If you don’t know what ‘your man’ is going through then take a step back. He doesn’t share himself with you and you tell yourself ‘men don’t like sharing their feelings, they don’t like opening up. At least he said he loves me.’ Stop dreaming and wake up.
· Friends and Family: How does he introduce you to his friends, especially his female friends? If he’s into you, he’d make it clear to everyone with the way he introduces you. We let our friends know how important someone is by how we introduce them, so how did he introduce you. When you meet his family, how did he introduce you? Another question is have you met his friend s and family? He’d want to show you off, create opportunities for his friends who are important to him to meet you and get to know you too, same for his family. If you haven’t met any then I don’t know what to tell you. You meet them and he doesn’t attach a serious label before or after your name during the introduction then you should be smart. He will accept and tolerate your friends and family for your sake even if he doesn’t particularly like them but he will make the effort for you and not tell you to give up friends you had before you met him, just saying.
· He never asked you: the dude never asked you officially to be his girl and you tell yourself he is yours. You say he digs you and you both are going with the flow. Good for you, you will flow out onto the floor. If he is into you, he will make it exclusive by asking you officially. He wouldn’t want to take his chances. He’d spell it out. If he hasn’t and you are warming the bed, cooking, and doing everything. Well, don’t mistake sex for love. A man can sleep with you all day and not be into you. So, has he asked you officially or are you just wasting your time?
These are the major factors to look out for. If you have a man on the positive of all these then he is a keeper, if the opposite then better know what you want. What exactly do you want from him? Do you want to be a fling or more? Matters of the heart are very tough and it’s easier to think with the heart than with the head. The truth is love for yourself and self respect comes with making decisions that make you happy, don’t ever settle for less. You’d be there crying and thinking about the dude when you are nothing more than a passing pleasure. It’s time you made yourself happy, if he’s not showing it, you are not a soothsayer and playing a confused waiting game with your heart is detrimental to your focus in every sphere of your life. Remember you can’t make someone love you so don’t waste your time hoping and praying in an uneven relationship. Learn to let go and don’t hang on as a friend and be hoping. You deserve a man that is into you as you are him and not half chops. Check the vital signs and know when to let go. It shows strength of character, not weakness. What makes you happy?
