Showing posts with label stories from nigeria. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stories from nigeria. Show all posts

Tuesday, April 5, 2022

THE LITTLE ROOM





  They say pride goes before a fall. It doesn’t necessarily equate a fall. It’s just that we make lots of unnecessary things important. Funny thing is most times it’s only in our heads. It’s our prejudiced perceptions of situations that create pride. We let things cloud our heads and judgement. Let me give examples.

 Thomas is well educated and has a PhD. He has no job. Wait, he has gotten job offers but he’s waiting for the right offer. Every other job is beneath him. He can’t do that. What would people even say if they heard besides, his self pride won’t

Saturday, June 9, 2018

HELP INCOMING?

  Have you ever been at a crossroad? Have you ever reached out to people around you for help and no one looked your way?
Well my post is for you.
  Femi had a dream, a passion burning within him. He wanted to pursue this dream. Everyone tried to discourage him. They said he was stupid that it would never work. He’s nobody, he’s not even a celebrity, so who would buy into his dream. Femi reached out to his friends and family members, some promised to help. He waited on them but help never came. He called and called, went to their offices, houses but they only gave him words. Days turned into weeks, weeks into months and months into a year. The people he had counted on; the friends, aunties and uncles had let him down. Femi was distraught. His dream was dying before his eyes. One day,

Saturday, February 27, 2016

TRUTHS AND LIES

  Truths and lies, two siblings that follow each other around. There is a very thin line between them. You can easily move from the truth corner into the lie zone.
  We tell lies for different reason, to gain recognition, respect, feel important, and hide secrets, selfishness.
  So, what situation calls for the truth and what calls for the lie?
  Funmi and Peter had been going out for a year, things were going smoothly, and they had a little quarrel and broke up. Funmi knew something he didn’t and she was debating between telling him the truth or telling him the lie, so she told him the truth and he broke up with her.  A year before Funmi met him; she had followed a friend to her church. A prophet in that church had told her she was going to meet her husband very soon and gave her things to identify him with. Alas, it turned out to be Peter, exactly as he was described.

Wednesday, April 1, 2015

SEARCHING FOR JOHNNY 5 (fiction)

   Blind dates are officially the worst.
   Why did I let Kels drag me into going on this one? I don’t do blind dates, ever. Tessa, calm down. Just smile at him and pretend you’re interested.
   Did Kels, even look at this guy before setting me up with him? She knows the kind of guys I like. Yes, that I’m looking for my Johnny, husband, hubby, whatever, doesn’t mean I should be set up with this. My tastes haven’t changed. That I’ve decided to stick to a person doesn’t mean he should look like this. Oh, wait o, Tessa, is Kels trying to say that I have to settle, that only guys who look like this one will be willing to marry me.
   Hian!
   The restaurant is nice though, so is this yummy plate of Pasta Alfredo. Yum yummy yum! This man before me not yum, one bit. To think I wore my favourite LBD for this thing.
   I’m going to bitch slap Kels when next I see her. I’m sure she’s laughing her heart off. Wait, was Uzo in on this? I’ll kill them both. Who needs besties anyway?
   Tessa, smile again, so he’d think you’re listening; nod your head too in interest. Perfect! He bought it.
I should get the recipe of this pasta from the chef, it’s heavenly.
   I like men. Ok, I love men and that’s just for their basic equipment which my new dildo seems to be handling the job quite well. I don’t love all men that much I know. I like my men tall, well built and most importantly well hung. I’ve never really cared about the brain matter but I do now, if I’m going to be spending forever with one.  This man is a funny caricature of my perfect man; he’s short, round and ugly, I’m sure his little Johnny, penis, sausage, wiener; (lol) is as tiny as my little finger. To top it all off he’s a woman wrapper.
What does woman wrapper mean again sef? Not that he chases women, the opposite; he won’t just shut the fuck up about his ex. Jeez! Kels owes me big time.
   I come on a date to be the centre of attention and the guy; look at him, then take a slow good look at me (lol), who’s meant to be grateful to have been set up on a date with a gorgeous goddess like moi, has spent the past one hour of dinner talking about some girl, I don’t care to remember her name.
   Ok Tessa, give him another, I’m listening smile. What! No, no is he about to....this grown up man is crying. Na wa o! I wish I could disappear from here. People are beginning to stare. I will kill Kels! Tessa, touch his arm, say something, ok, do something. I’ve never seen grown men cry.
‘It’s ok.’ I patted his arm
‘No, it’s not!’ he’s crying harder.
   Mehn, this is not just it. The girl must have do am strong thing. Wait, wetin be his name again? He said it then...OC? Nope! OJ? Nope! Owu? Olu! That’s it.
‘Olu, I don’t think she deserves you.’
‘I’m the one that didn’t deserve her!’
   Chai! His cry have increase o. Tessa do something. I’m not Dr Phil, Oprah or some relationship expert. Which kain wahala be dis one? I’ve got it.
‘Olu, you’re a successful, good looking and honest man. You’re in touch with your feminine side. A lot of women will die to have a man like you.’
   I should win an Oscar or Join Nollywood. Tessa, idi good. His Niagara Falls is drying up.
‘Really?’
‘Yes! Who wouldn’t want a man like you?’
‘But Onyinye left me for him.’
‘That’s her loss.’
   I wouldn’t mind another plate of Pasta. Tessa focus! He just said something.
‘I’m serious Olu. Let’s bet it, she’ll come running back.’
   I hope this lie doesn’t haunt me. He’s shown me a picture of the man she left him for. If it were me, I will never come back to Humpty Dumpty (lol). Tessa Focus!
‘You really think so?’
   Thank God! His crying has stopped. Why would a man cry for a woman? Maybe her pussy was sweet. Or he never believed he could get that kinda girl. Or he’d spent so much on her. Or he’s just a woman in a man’s body. Wait o, why is he staring at me? Oh, my reply.
‘Yes. Do you know what I think? You should join a gym; build your confidence, so that next time she sees you, she’ll want to die with regret. ‘
   He’s smiling. Awwww!
‘Thank you, Theresa.’
‘You’re welcome. I have something to tell you but you didn’t hear it from me. Kelechi, our mutual friend, I think she likes you.’
‘She does?’
‘She always talks about a certain Olu, who is loving and caring that she likes but he was into some other girl.’
‘I like Kelechi and...
‘Remember, you didn’t hear it from me.’
   His face is lit with hope and purpose. Tessa, you are a miracle worker. This is better than bitch slapping Kels. (Lol)Oh my God! Well played, Tessa. Well played. This will teach her to set me on a date with a man-woman.  When did the waiter get here? Olu’s lips are moving. They are big o. Tessa, focus!

‘....do you care for?’
‘Care for?
‘I was asking if you’d like anything else.’
‘Yes, please. Another plate of this Pasta Alfredo and a ginger cocktail.’
   Olu smiles again. Well, it wasn’t a disaster after all, I feel good about myself. Thirty minutes and I’m out of here. What’s he saying again?
‘Can we be friends?’
‘Of course we can, Olu.’

   HELL NO! Where’s the waiter with the food?



You reading, you do understand that all content on this site are copyrighted, my intellectual property and can’t be lifted off into any other form of media? Ok, we’re cool. 

Thursday, March 12, 2015

SEARCHING FOR JOHNNY 4 (fiction)

‘Tessa what are you doing here o? ‘
   I hate going to the mall in the evening. It’s always like a market square, ok, worse than that.  It’s four pm and yet... I don’t know what mum sees in this mall’s bread. She begged me to buy it and now I’ve been told the bread is not ready, I have to wait for two hours. God knows if I leave now, I’d never come back which has led me to this fast food to enjoy this tasteless minced pie.
Uuurggghhh!!!
   Some fast foods should be shut down. Don’t they taste what they...no way...is that? Yes it is. I hope he can’t see me? Nope! Another reason why I hate the mall, you see people you don’t want to see.
   He still looks good. I haven’t seen him in four years. Luke Ogbodo. I would have been married to him; I think or at least dated him if only he’d seen me. Why is my heart beating really fast? Should I go over and say hi before he sees me? Should I hide? Nah! He won’t be able to see me all the way from that fast food across with people passing in the middle.
   Luke was the one guy I ever really liked. We’d known for three years but our relationship never went past the bedroom. Yes God, the sex was great and kinky, really really great. I’m getting wet thinking about it. (Lol). I developed feelings and I told him I liked him, he said he liked me too. I’m never vulnerable, I don’t trust easily and I show no feelings but I did with him. I wanted more than just being fuck buddies. I thought he felt same.  I was invited to a party by a guest and that’s how I met Bola. She could talk sha. I’ve never met anyone that meets you within an hour and downloads her personal file to you.
   One night after three rounds of mind blowing sex, he began to ask me how my day went. I didn’t feel like talking but he kept asking so I told him I ran into a mutual friend called Bola Adeyinka. He sat up fast in bed and asked;
‘I pray you didn’t make me look bad before her? Did you tell her about us?’
   Something died in me that night. I told him no and he went on that he hopes so. I told him she said he likes her that they met at his place two days before and they kissed and stuff. He didn’t deny it. He told me he really liked her that it didn’t mean he didn’t like me too but she’s loving and caring. She’s very playful and fun to chat with. She gets him that he wants to be a friend to her and if I told her about us it would hurt her. She’s had so many bad things happen to her and she’s learning to trust him though her problem was that he had too many girls around him. He wants to be close to her and be someone she can rely on even if they don’t date and he would never hurt her, if they date then it’s God’s will that he really hopes I said nothing.
   I assured him I didn’t because I didn’t and I prayed things work out for them.
   Kels told me I was very stupid that I should have told him the truth. The truth was and is that Bola is bisexual. She was more of a lesbian because she enjoyed sex more with girls. (Lol). I told her nothing about Luke and I and I told Luke nothing about her female lovers.
   Kels insisted then that I should have at least fought for him. I think that’s stupid. I might be a sex freak but I want what my mum and dad had; real love. Someone that likes you and just you, you don’t question if they do or not, it’s evident by their actions besides, who wants to play second fiddle or be a back up for some other girl?
‘Tessa you’re getting emotional o!’
   But it’s true. I want acceptance, some guy that looks at me and knows it’s me he wants. His telling me all that told me the answer I sought; I was just a fuck buddy to him, always was, always will be. She was the ONE to him.
   One thing Kels doesn’t understand till date is, you don’t and should never compete for a guy. That’s going stupid. Choose a person that chooses you. If he wants some other girl, pull out of the picture and let him have her.
‘Tessa you don turn relationship counsellor for your mind. (Lol)’
   Luke and Bola were perfect for each other. He had a saviour complex that only wanted timid pour my problems on you girls that he could save and Bola had the damsel in distress, let me tell you my deepest problems so you can like me syndrome (lol).
   They’ve been married, three years now. I guess Bola realised he was the perfect cover and Luke could never divorce her cause he had an image to protect. Maybe he knew she was bi and thought his mojo and love could save her and be enough (lmfao).
   Kels told me, he found out about Bola’s recent girlfriend, some hot Brazilian chic. He caught them in bed. The news is about town.
   Kels can be funny sometimes, asking me if he comes back for me, would I take him. HELL NO!  Who wants a Tokunbo man? Because the love of your life that you chose turns out to be a mistake, you now remember the poor girl you left behind. Lol!
   I’m six feet of gorgeousness. I’m stubborn,i'm confident, I love sex, I’m crazy, I’m kind and loving if you show it first, I’m a believer of actions not words, anyone who gives up all of this for all of whatever, doesn’t deserve a second of my time.
‘Wait! Did Kels tell him I’ll be here????’
   Thank God, he’s leaving. He’s aged ten years in just three years. I pity him...pity! That’s why my heart was beating fast. Poor Luke!
   I have a blind date next tomorrow. All part of my Johnny quest thanks to Uzo and Kels who sings I have to meet men, go on dates. (Lol)
‘I wonder what he’d be like. There are lots of crazy men in this town sha.’
One hour more to burn here before the infamous bread gets ready. Tessa, you should have just seen a movie.



You reading, you do understand that all content on this site are copyrighted, my intellectual property and can’t be lifted off into any other form of media? Ok, we’re cool. 

Friday, February 27, 2015

SEARCHING FOR JOHNNY 3 (fiction)

  Hmmmm! That feels really good. Just a little bit to the left, now right. I’m almost there. Oh this is it. Dear God! This is.....What the fuck?
  Tessa, rearrange fast.
‘No work today?’
‘Mum, you can’t just enter my room like that now.’
  God, please don’t let her see James. I’d do hundred Hail Mary’s. I’ll even sweep the church for a month. This woman should go now. She’s still standing there, looking at me suspiciously.
‘What?’
‘You look feverish. Tessa are you sick?’
  Is she reaching out to tuck me in? James!
‘No! I’m fine mummy. I slept late that’s why.’
‘Nne, you work too hard. Let me warm the leftover pepper soup for you.’
‘Mum don’t stress yourself.’
  Why is she laughing?
‘If I don’t take care of you, is it your dead father I’ll take care of?’
‘Mummy!’
‘Don’t move. I’ll be back with the soup.’
  Pheeew! That was close. I love mum to bits but she has a problem with boundaries. I can just imagine her reaction if she’d seen James, my giant dildo inside me as she opened the door. (Laugh). Thank God for bed sheets and duvets.
  I’d agreed with my besties; Uzo and Kels, to hold on for the right guy. Well, doesn’t mean I can’t have sex any other way. A dildo isn’t a man. Is using a dildo, fornication? Nah! It isn’t a person, no sin here. Now, where was I? This battery better not die on me today.
That feels.....Not again!
  My virginal sister, arms akimbo, disapproving look on her face staring down at me.
‘Is it that everyone in this house has a problem with knocking?’ I thundered as I dove for cover.
‘Tessa, you shouldn’t use that demonic thing.’
  Is she about to cry?
‘What demonic thing?’
  Let’s see if she can say the name.
‘That thing!’ She pointed at James.
‘What thing Joan?’
Ok, Tessa, no laugh. So, because person na virgin, im no fit call Peepee, Penis, Toto, Junior, Dick...Tessa, concentrate.
‘Can’t you say it?’
‘That disgusting thing!’
  Ok, time to push. Let me put it in my mouth. If it was possible for Joan to have a heart attack at twenty-seven, she just did.
‘Tessa!!!!!’
  The door swung open at her shrieking. Mum dropped the pepper soup on seeing me. Chai! What lie do I tell now?
                            ******************************************
‘Theresa!’
That’s my, you’re in trouble name.
‘Yes ma.’
  I use ma when I know, I’m in trouble.
‘What was that thing in your mouth?’
  We gather round the dining table whenever anyone’s in trouble. If I could slap Joan without arousing suspicion, I for brush am teytey. See her eyes like cat own. I’m sure she’s dying to see how I get out of this. My mum still thinks I’m a virgin.
‘Theresa, I’m talking to you.’
  Mum looks prettier angry. How come I’ve never noticed?
‘Mum, it’s her thing?’
‘Thing for?’ my mum asked.
‘It’s my cheek massager.’
  If Joan doesn’t close her shocked mouth, I swear, I’ll slap her for real.
‘Cheek massager kwa?’
‘Yes mum. Remember I told you I was tired. I had pains round my tooth and my cheeks hurt, so it helps with the pain.’
  Hmmm! If my mum, knew what she’s inspecting all over was the oyibo version of a penis that can do things (laugh).
‘Don’t put it in your mouth!’ Joan screamed.
‘Mum, it can’t be shared.’
‘Ehen!’
‘Yes ma!’ Joan and I replied.
‘It’s like a toothbrush, it can’t be shared.’ I added
‘Why does it look like a man’s organ?’
  Mum try pass Joan sef.
‘You know this oyibo people can be funny.’
  We laughed different shades of laughter. Lol!
‘In that case, buy me one for Father Sixtus. His toothache......’
  Ok, I’m in my head again and I’ve zoned out. Joan looks like she’s about to puke. Dear God, what will be the headline:  “REV FR. CAUGHT WITH DILDO IN MOUTH, CALLS IT CHEEK MASSAGER”
Tessa, think, think.
‘It’s out of stock! Joan to the rescue.
‘Yes mum, it is. They were checking the reception in the Nigerian market.’ I buttressed.
‘Ok dear. Joan, no work?’
‘It’s public hol.’
‘Good! Tessa, go back to bed, let me make fresh pepper soup.’
Ok, let me warn Joan with my eyes before she spills. She’ll get the message. Perfect! She did.

  I’m taking a sex break on men and now my James is on one too. There’s Mr Right out there, but where?
*********************************************************************************
Check me out in this short film:  https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=KEggln4eyNQ

*********************************************************************************
Please vote for my friends nominated for the AMVCAs i beg thee. Voting ends this saturday 28th February at midnight.

Kehinde Bankole( the pretty dimpled cheek teacher in October 1) for best actress in a drama  https://connect.dstv.com/4.0.863/en-ZA/Login/?returnUrl=http%3A%2F%2Famvca2015-awards.dstv.com%2FCategory%2F525%2FNominee%2FNominee%2F4905

Wole Ojo (have you seen Maami featuring Funke Akindele. The short film 'Brave'?) for best actor in a Drama http://amvca2015-awards.dstv.com/NomineeCategory/505

Kelechi Udegbe (have you seen the Officer Titus series? He's officer Titus) for best actor in a comedy
http://amvca2015-awards.dstv.com/NomineeCategory/495

Thank you and God bless you as you vote and share with your family, friends and acquaintances. Cheers! 

Saturday, December 27, 2014

COMPETING WITH OTHERS

   
You left school, three years ago. Your mates are already serving and working, you look at them and you feel like a failure. You are working but you ran into a friend last week, she has a sweet ride, married, her husband is rich and she’s working in a great firm. You look at your life and decide it is rubbish. She’s leading a better life than you are. Your mates are all married and you are not, you look at them with envy and wonder why your life is cursed. You ask yourself what you did wrong, why can’t you be like them.
  Tonye was your junior in school but now he owns his own firm. He’s a big boy, a confirmed one. He has a house and cars, not rented. You walk into your one room and cry. Why is he successful while you are not? What have you done wrong?
  Every day we look at people and wonder why we don’t have what they have. We tell ourselves their lives are better than ours. We see the clothes, shoes, bags, houses, cars; spouses and we comment to ourselves that our lives are not worth it. We ask God, why does Stella have this and we don’t. That little envy appears each time we see their updates on Blackberry, Facebook, Twitter and other social media sites. Sometimes we even add, ‘I’m better than Tony.’ ‘I deserve all this and not her.’
  When we plan, we add ‘I’ll make it more than Tony has already.’ ‘My husband will be better and richer than Funmi’s.’
  Do you know you are in competition with no one but yourself? They are not competing with you. That Tony, Funmi, and Stella you are looking at and basing your life and your success with theirs are not you. You’re not them either. You have had different backgrounds, roads, opportunities, your dreams, desires are all totally different. You may have met Funmi’s husband and you wouldn’t want him because what you want in a man is different from what she wants.  Wherever they are now, you didn’t follow the same path they did. Maybe their family got them the job or they had a nest egg somewhere to start up or their field is in acting while yours is in banking. You are not same with anyone on this planet so why measure your success with theirs?
  Look at your dreams which you alone have and mark your progression and success. Yes, you might both be in banking together and he’s been promoted but you haven’t. He made different choices as they appeared before him. You might even be working in different banking firms or same but in different locales and with different bosses. Why worry your head over another man? Work on yourself and your dreams. You set your score mark for yourself. If you are in A now tell yourself you want to move and work towards getting to B next time. If your friend gets to C, remember you are not in his shoes and you don’t have same thought processes, opportunities and choices and keep moving on with your goals. Accept your life and the choices you’ve made, if you want more make it happen and not condemning your life by calling others better.

  Set your goals higher and move from where you are because you want to. Beat the score mark you had the last time. You are not in competition with me, him, her, them, and us but with you. Beat yourself! I know it's that time of the year when we evaluate achievements and milestones done in the year.

Thank you for reading! Hope my thought helps you somehow as it did me.

 Happy New Year in advance and good luck with your resolutions and plans. Cheers!

Saturday, November 29, 2014

THAT SATURDAY AFTERNOON

                  
It was one of those hot Lagos Saturday afternoons. I was in a bus; I could feel the sweat trickling down my back. ‘I think this ozone layer thing is turning out to be a worldwide problem’ I grumbled irritated as I dabbed my face with my handkerchief. Beside me was an elderly woman of 50, dressed to the hilt for one of our famous Lagos owambe parties, which happened everywhere on Saturdays. We lagosians love our owambe parties. Her gele (headgear) was so huge I had to turn my head sideways to prevent it from entering my eyes in case the bus fell into a pot hole. I tried hard not to stare at her because her makeup was like that of an Adanma masquerade. I wondered who let her out of the house, old mama youngy.
My ass was beginning to ache. The seat on the bus was made of wood and the journey was long. I was on my way to Satellite Town to see or rather console a friend of mine who just had a bad break up. A guy she had been dating for four years just upped and left her. She had been crying on phone to me all morning so I  decided to pack an overnight bag and get over to her house before she did something stupid because a guy not worthy of her left her, I never liked Rafe. Therefore, there I was in a Mile 2 bus, travelling from one end of Lagos to another. I was busy looking out the window admiring the changes Governor Fashola had done to Lagos. I tried not to listen in on the conversation my fellow passengers were having when I heard it.
“Ah! Oga, wetin dey inside this bag?”
Immediately , I turned, the lady who spoke was in her twenties, very pretty and the man she addressed looked like a knock off version of 50cent with the fake diamond chain (bling bling) hanging round his neck and a baggy jeans. He tried to cover the girl's mouth, pleading with her
"Please, keep quiet” Naturally, my interest and that of every passenger on the bus was piqued. An old man sitting by the young lady asked her “My dear, what is your business with what he’s carrying?” She looked at him defiantly
“Papa, na my business o! A corner of the bag is open and I think, no! I am sure I saw dollars in the bag. What if the police stop this bus or worse the EFCC?” We all looked at him for confirmation. He said, “Please, I beg y’all, don’t turn me in. I’ll tell y’all the truth” “I been living in the states for years. I worked in the toilets, washed dishes, washed dead bodies and did all sorta menial jobs. I sent every penny I made home to my uncle to keep for me, then, I got deported man. So, off I go to me uncle’s to get my money and he starts telling me all sorta stories” he said in his knock off abi fake American accent, if you ask me. “He tells me I sent him no money,” he continued “One day, I wait till he goes off to work; I sneak into his place and find this bag of dollars, my money. Please understand” he finished. Some passengers were saying “ee yah!” “Thank God!” “People can be wicked, Olorun ma je (God forbid)!”  “Na wa o!” The rest led by the young lady screamed “ Driver stop this bus” “ I no wan go prison o” “ bros, even if na u get d moni, u steal am, u b thief” He kept on begging, then he said “ Please, don’t turn me in. I’m willing to share the money with all of you” Trust Nigerians, their eyes chook open “eeeh!” “Bros, u serious?”  “Ok!” “That’s better, for our trouble and silence.” My mind kept thinking and my heart was beating erratically. I wondered the kind of trouble I just landed myself. These people might be 419ers’, ritualists or even the famous one chance people. I kept quiet throughout the whole fiasco.
  We were heading towards the Oshodi expressway when the young lady said “Bros, Ur idea good sha but me, I will not collect stolen money. We have to bless that money” “I will not touch cursed money. I know a big man of God, a Pastor, he stays around Oshodi here.” She continued, “But he’s very expensive”
“Sister, that’s a very good idea,” the old woman beside me said. Warning bells were ringing in my head seriously. “So, young lady, like how much will it cost?”
“It’s very expensive o, like N500,000”
“Ah! That’s very expensive, is he buying a new car”
Everybody in the bus was complaining until the old man said, “I have a solution. Let’s all contribute the little we have, a little drop of water makes a mighty ocean”
“Baba, that’s a very good idea” they agreed.
“Thanks y’all” the 50-cent knock off said.
“Ok! Everybody, How much do you have on you?” They started mentioning how much they had. Then they turned to me
“Sister, how much u get?”
I looked at them and said; “I don’t have any money on me” My mind was spinning. I knew I had to get off the bus. I remembered stories of people who had found themselves in the same situation. Some are raped; some lose all their money, some for rituals, some thrown off the bus. Men! Was I in big trouble. My eyes darted left and right, we were in a traffic jam.
“Driver, please I wan get down” I said. The young lady looked at me surprised,
“ Haba! Sister, u no won make moni? Just bring any amount you have”

 I was panicking
“Driver, I said I want to get down” the driver ignored me. They all tried to convince me on why I should join. Are they stupid? I thought. Do I look like a JJC, in Lagos? I knew they were 419 people. So, I said to them “Wait, u look me finish, waffi babe like me, I resemble Johnny just come for dis Lagos wey we dey so?” They looked at me mouth agape, before they could say Eko! I opened the door on the left and jumped down the bus, thanks to the go-slow. I ran to the other side of the road, without care. Cars were blasting their horns at me. I boarded a commercial bike straight to my friend’s house.  This Lagos is a land of opportunities but as Daddy Showkey sung, “shine your eyes well well” This is Lagos!

Friday, October 10, 2014

HOW TO CHANGE PEOPLE

   Change they say is the only constant thing in life. Everything in life goes through a procedure or stages you pick the word you prefer. It is never static. Things move forward, backwards, up, down or sideways, it just has to move. A rock that is in a static position also goes through changes. It doesn’t have to stand up and run. Lol!  Look at the Evolution theory, you and I have come a long way from our Ape days. Let’s visit the Bible; Adam and Eve were naked, then they put on leaves, then the leaves made way for clothes in the time of their children. Then for a while women didn’t wear trousers but now they do and not just that we are reverting back to the Adam and Eve days. What more proof do you need to agree with me that change is constant?
   The right way to have phrased this thought is; ‘Change is the only constant thing in life when it has to do with things, time, fashion and non-humans.’ Change in humans is not constant.

Friday, August 22, 2014

Are you dating a REMORA or are you one????




 You just lost that guy/ girl you thought was the one. He broke your heart into a million pieces and treated you worse than garbage but you still held on till the end because when you first met him he was caring, attentive and flattered you till right about the time you gave up the cookie and WHAM! He changes. You call, text, make trips to his place, sing your love for him but he’s moved on. You sit down in tears dazed by what happened and in walks his friend. He dries your eyes and tells you, you deserve better. That his friend is great but he tried to warn you. He makes you smile and the tears dry up a bit. He listens to you vent and pour out your tears every time and then you begin to see this friend in a new light.  One day, he tells you he’s always had feelings for you but couldn’t say anything because you were dating his friend. Your eyes light up and you sing i lost the wrong one to get the right one. You start seeing each other , you also put out, ‘God bless you ma’am’ . The day you bring up going public and letting his friend know, he says ok. Time passes and nothing happens, it turns into, he can’t do this to his friend. Or he can’t get the images of his friend touching you out of his head. All his friends would talk about it and all that maybe you guys should just stay friends for now until the time is right. Oh don’t get me wrong, some do go public but the relationship always ends.
  It might even be in a reversal ie a girl who broke your heart and her friend swoops in to help you mend it. These people that swoop in are called in my book, a REMORA. Yes, i can hear your brain wheels turning. What is a remora, Frances?
  “A remora fish attaches itself to the belly of a shark. It travels everywhere the shark goes. It eats any parasites on the shark which helps keep the shark clean. It also eats any leftover food from the shark.”
So let me help you break it down further.
  The shark in this equation is that alpha male or female that is handsome, successful and full of themselves (they are sha good at something) and they know it, they can get any girl or guy.
  The remora is their best friend or friend who you see them with everywhere and basks in their shine. These are the shy, not visibly awesome enough friend of the shark ( who says they aren’t handsome but you know what i mean) They don’t have the balls to have you so they wait for their shark friend to have you first. They even help you fall into their friend’s trap because they know they’d be getting you later.

  Who’s the leftover? I’m sorry sugar, you are. Yes, YOU, don’t look behind, you are the shark’s remains. You are in a vulnerable and confused state. Your confidence and oomph has gone down a little, ok maybe a whole lot. *smile*. The shark has left you dazed and in this state you need comforting even from a tiny fish. In swoops the remora *soundtrack playing*
  What service does the remora offer to their shark friend you ask? Come on it is glaring already. They take you off their friend’s back. You don’t belittle yourself with many text messages and go after the shark with a knife or make his life hell as he enjoys his new meal. They also make you feel good about yourself and listen to you vent and cry, they offer you their handkerchief (for their selfish purposes, hehehehehe!). So, no angry, spiteful, crazy you goes after their shark. In return for their service, they have you, the juicy leftover on their plate.
P.S: The shark knows his remora friend had you or will do (they’ve been friends for years and you’re not his first kill.) He either has the shark’s blessings to enjoy his left over or the shark works with him so he can get leftovers later. The PERFECT symbiotic friendship.  A do me, i do you team.
  Guys and ladies, have you ever met one? Think long and hard. Aha! Yes he or she was one. You might even be seeing one now, you can thank me later for saving you the stress *winks*
  Oh and if you just read this and found out that you are a remora, email me for private counselling. How does it feel to be second place and not be a man or woman but enjoy what someone else has had? You need total psych evaluation sha, Mr. and Mrs. second fiddle. Well, on behalf of your sharks, thank you, you’ve done a great job and still are. Get out of their shade and man up; I trained you better than that. Lmao!
  Please feel free to drop your questions, comments and answers below. If you’re not sure you have a remora on your hands, share your story and let’s help you decipher. You think you might be a remora *eyes widen* and you’re not sure, hmmm, share let’s be the judge of that. Either ways, have a beautiful love filled life. Love yourself first and every other thing shall follow suit.

P.S it feels great writing this not inspirational article. *runs away* *comes back* I’m still here for thee. http://youtu.be/GCHxMX9WaNc

                                                            

Saturday, July 12, 2014

KEEPING HOPE ALIVE






 I remember one of my favourite stories of all time ‘PANDORA’S BOX’. If you are a lover of Greek and Roman Mythology you must have heard of it. Pandora’s curiosity got the better of her and she just had to open that box and out into the world came; misery, famine, hunger, hate, sadness and everything evil  known to man was released. Looking into the box, thinking it empty but alas, one was left. One had refused to escape. It was hope.
  In everything there is always hope. Hope for a better life is what wakes you up in the morning. Hope to put forward your best to leave your mark in the world. Hope that you’d find love someday pushes you into relationships with arms wide open no matter how many times your heart gets stomped on the floor. Hope that they’d spend forever with you makes you stand at that altar and say ‘I do’.  Hope for good education, takes you to the university. Hope, that there’d be electricity makes you pay the electricity bills even though your light bulb never blinked last month.
  Hope, there is nothing as powerful as hope. Hope lifts the human spirit. Hope is the reason we all still live in this country. Hope that the missing Chibok girls would be found. Hope that Nigeria can get better. 

  Hope no matter how bleak is hope. It can be a bright burning furnace, it can be a dim matchstick light, and it is hope. Without hope, all is lost. Hope to me is what the religious sects tag as faith.
  They say without faith you have nothing, so I tell you; without Hope you are lost.
  I don’t know if you’ve ever come across the lifeless body of one who has committed suicide? That is a person who had no ray of hope.
  Please keep hope alive. No matter how bleak your future looks right now. You might look around you and you see poverty . You’ve been searching for love but you’ve been thrown to the wolves every time. You’ve been hoping for a better country but the state of your country leaves tears and disbelief in your eyes. Don’t give up. Never ever give up.
  When everything looks bleak and beyond your control, you still have control. That control is hope. Hope will never leave you. Hope has the ability to manifest from your thoughts. Imagine if every citizen stopped complaining and calling the situation hopeless but held on to believe in the future, hope. Hope, I can’t explain it is like a spirit. It brings the right things to help you manifest it your way.
  During the slave trade, the slaves hoped that someday they would be free.  They held on to it tightly. With time, freedom arrived, their hope became real. Then the generations after them hoped for equal rights, to be free and seen as human. With time, segregation was gone and blacks and whites became equal. That hope gave birth to the future which is today, that undying hope has put a black man in the White house. I’m not a preacher but that’s the power of hope.

  People can say what they will about you, about your works, and about your circumstances but only you can change it. Do you believe the picture they have painted? Or do you hold on the hope in your heart that things will change, that where you are now isn’t the you of tomorrow?
  The power lies in you. That power is how big your hope for change is. Forget what you say to others. When you sit down and listen to yourself in the silence of your heart. Do you really have hope?
  I beg you, no matter where and what you find yourself in, there’s always hope. Suicide isn’t the way out. Only you can change that situation if you believe it can change. Your mind and hope becomes you. No one, absolutely no one can take that away from you.
  Keep the hope in you alive; keep the hope in Nigeria alive.
  Don’t lose hope. Cheers to the future you and your future situation.