Thomas is well educated and has a PhD. He has no job. Wait, he has gotten job offers but he’s waiting for the right offer. Every other job is beneath him. He can’t do that. What would people even say if they heard besides, his self pride won’t
Search This Blog
Showing posts with label stories from nigeria. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stories from nigeria. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 5, 2022
THE LITTLE ROOM
Thomas is well educated and has a PhD. He has no job. Wait, he has gotten job offers but he’s waiting for the right offer. Every other job is beneath him. He can’t do that. What would people even say if they heard besides, his self pride won’t
Saturday, January 23, 2021
Saturday, June 9, 2018
HELP INCOMING?
Have you
ever been at a crossroad? Have you ever reached out to people around you for
help and no one looked your way?
Well my post is for you.
Femi had a
dream, a passion burning within him. He wanted to pursue this dream. Everyone
tried to discourage him. They said he was stupid that it would never work. He’s
nobody, he’s not even a celebrity, so who would buy into his dream. Femi
reached out to his friends and family members, some promised to help. He waited
on them but help never came. He called and called, went to their offices,
houses but they only gave him words. Days turned into weeks, weeks into months
and months into a year. The people he had counted on; the friends, aunties and
uncles had let him down. Femi was distraught. His dream was dying before his
eyes. One day,
Friday, December 2, 2016
Saturday, February 27, 2016
TRUTHS AND LIES
Truths and lies, two siblings that follow each other
around. There is a very thin line between them. You can easily move from the
truth corner into the lie zone.
We tell lies for different reason, to gain
recognition, respect, feel important, and hide secrets, selfishness.
So, what situation calls for the truth and what
calls for the lie?
Funmi and Peter had been going out for a year,
things were going smoothly, and they had a little quarrel and broke up. Funmi
knew something he didn’t and she was debating between telling him the truth or
telling him the lie, so she told him the truth and he broke up with her. A year before Funmi met him; she had followed
a friend to her church. A prophet in that church had told her she was going to
meet her husband very soon and gave her things to identify him with. Alas, it
turned out to be Peter, exactly as he was described.
Wednesday, April 1, 2015
SEARCHING FOR JOHNNY 5 (fiction)
Blind dates are officially the worst.
Why did I let Kels drag me into going on
this one? I don’t do blind dates, ever. Tessa, calm down. Just smile at him and
pretend you’re interested.
Did Kels, even look at this guy before setting
me up with him? She knows the kind of guys I like. Yes, that I’m looking for my
Johnny, husband, hubby, whatever, doesn’t mean I should be set up with this. My
tastes haven’t changed. That I’ve decided to stick to a person doesn’t mean he
should look like this. Oh, wait o, Tessa, is Kels trying to say that I have to
settle, that only guys who look like this one will be willing to marry me.
Hian!
The restaurant is nice though, so is this
yummy plate of Pasta Alfredo. Yum yummy yum! This man before me not yum, one
bit. To think I wore my favourite LBD for this thing.
I’m going to bitch slap Kels when next I see
her. I’m sure she’s laughing her heart off. Wait, was Uzo in on this? I’ll kill
them both. Who needs besties anyway?
Tessa, smile again, so he’d think you’re listening;
nod your head too in interest. Perfect! He bought it.
I should get the
recipe of this pasta from the chef, it’s heavenly.
I like men. Ok, I love men and that’s just
for their basic equipment which my new dildo seems to be handling the job quite
well. I don’t love all men that much I know. I like my men tall, well built and
most importantly well hung. I’ve never really cared about the brain matter but I
do now, if I’m going to be spending forever with one. This man is a funny caricature of my perfect
man; he’s short, round and ugly, I’m sure his little Johnny, penis, sausage, wiener;
(lol) is as tiny as my little finger. To top it all off he’s a woman wrapper.
What does woman
wrapper mean again sef? Not that he chases women, the opposite; he won’t just
shut the fuck up about his ex. Jeez! Kels owes me big time.
I come on a date to be the centre of
attention and the guy; look at him, then take a slow good look at me (lol), who’s
meant to be grateful to have been set up on a date with a gorgeous goddess like
moi, has spent the past one hour of dinner talking about some girl, I don’t
care to remember her name.
Ok Tessa, give him another, I’m listening
smile. What! No, no is he about to....this grown up man is crying. Na wa o! I
wish I could disappear from here. People are beginning to stare. I will kill
Kels! Tessa, touch his arm, say something, ok, do something. I’ve never seen
grown men cry.
‘It’s ok.’ I patted
his arm
‘No, it’s not!’
he’s crying harder.
Mehn, this is not just it. The girl must have
do am strong thing. Wait, wetin be his name again? He said it then...OC? Nope!
OJ? Nope! Owu? Olu! That’s it.
‘Olu, I don’t
think she deserves you.’
‘I’m the one
that didn’t deserve her!’
Chai! His cry have increase o. Tessa do
something. I’m not Dr Phil, Oprah or some relationship expert. Which kain
wahala be dis one? I’ve got it.
‘Olu, you’re a
successful, good looking and honest man. You’re in touch with your feminine
side. A lot of women will die to have a man like you.’
I
should win an Oscar or Join Nollywood. Tessa, idi good. His Niagara Falls is
drying up.
‘Really?’
‘Yes! Who wouldn’t
want a man like you?’
‘But Onyinye
left me for him.’
‘That’s her
loss.’
I wouldn’t mind another plate of Pasta.
Tessa focus! He just said something.
‘I’m serious
Olu. Let’s bet it, she’ll come running back.’
I hope this lie doesn’t haunt me. He’s shown
me a picture of the man she left him for. If it were me, I will never come back
to Humpty Dumpty (lol). Tessa Focus!
‘You really
think so?’
Thank God! His crying has stopped. Why would
a man cry for a woman? Maybe her pussy was sweet. Or he never believed he could
get that kinda girl. Or he’d spent so much on her. Or he’s just a woman in a
man’s body. Wait o, why is he staring at me? Oh, my reply.
‘Yes. Do you
know what I think? You should join a gym; build your confidence, so that next
time she sees you, she’ll want to die with regret. ‘
He’s smiling. Awwww!
‘Thank you,
Theresa.’
‘You’re welcome.
I have something to tell you but you didn’t hear it from me. Kelechi, our mutual
friend, I think she likes you.’
‘She does?’
‘She always
talks about a certain Olu, who is loving and caring that she likes but he was
into some other girl.’
‘I like Kelechi
and...
‘Remember, you
didn’t hear it from me.’
His face is lit with hope and purpose.
Tessa, you are a miracle worker. This is better than bitch slapping Kels. (Lol)Oh
my God! Well played, Tessa. Well played. This will teach her to set me on a
date with a man-woman. When did the waiter
get here? Olu’s lips are moving. They are big o. Tessa, focus!
‘....do you care
for?’
‘Care for?
‘I was asking if
you’d like anything else.’
‘Yes, please.
Another plate of this Pasta Alfredo and a ginger cocktail.’
Olu smiles again. Well, it wasn’t a disaster
after all, I feel good about myself. Thirty minutes and I’m out of here. What’s
he saying again?
‘Can we be
friends?’
‘Of course we
can, Olu.’
HELL NO! Where’s the waiter with the food?
You reading, you do understand that all content on this site are copyrighted, my intellectual property and can’t be lifted off into any other form of media? Ok, we’re cool.
You reading, you do understand that all content on this site are copyrighted, my intellectual property and can’t be lifted off into any other form of media? Ok, we’re cool.
Thursday, March 12, 2015
SEARCHING FOR JOHNNY 4 (fiction)
‘Tessa what are
you doing here o? ‘
I hate going to the mall in the evening.
It’s always like a market square, ok, worse than that. It’s four pm and yet... I don’t know what mum
sees in this mall’s bread. She begged me to buy it and now I’ve been told the bread
is not ready, I have to wait for two hours. God knows if I leave now, I’d never
come back which has led me to this fast food to enjoy this tasteless minced
pie.
Uuurggghhh!!!
Some fast foods should be shut down. Don’t
they taste what they...no way...is that? Yes it is. I hope he can’t see me?
Nope! Another reason why I hate the mall, you see people you don’t want to see.
He still looks good. I haven’t seen him in
four years. Luke Ogbodo. I would have been married to him; I think or at least
dated him if only he’d seen me. Why is my heart beating really fast? Should I
go over and say hi before he sees me? Should I hide? Nah! He won’t be able to
see me all the way from that fast food across with people passing in the
middle.
Luke was the one guy I ever really liked.
We’d known for three years but our relationship never went past the bedroom.
Yes God, the sex was great and kinky, really really great. I’m getting wet
thinking about it. (Lol). I developed feelings and I told him I liked him, he
said he liked me too. I’m never vulnerable, I don’t trust easily and I show no
feelings but I did with him. I wanted more than just being fuck buddies. I
thought he felt same. I was invited to a
party by a guest and that’s how I met Bola. She could talk sha. I’ve never met
anyone that meets you within an hour and downloads her personal file to you.
One night after three rounds of mind blowing
sex, he began to ask me how my day went. I didn’t feel like talking but he kept
asking so I told him I ran into a mutual friend called Bola Adeyinka. He sat up
fast in bed and asked;
‘I pray you
didn’t make me look bad before her? Did you tell her about us?’
Something died in me that night. I told him
no and he went on that he hopes so. I told him she said he likes her that they
met at his place two days before and they kissed and stuff. He didn’t deny it.
He told me he really liked her that it didn’t mean he didn’t like me too but
she’s loving and caring. She’s very playful and fun to chat with. She gets him
that he wants to be a friend to her and if I told her about us it would hurt
her. She’s had so many bad things happen to her and she’s learning to trust him
though her problem was that he had too many girls around him. He wants to be
close to her and be someone she can rely on even if they don’t date and he would never hurt her, if they date
then it’s God’s will that he really hopes I said nothing.
I assured him I didn’t because I didn’t and I
prayed things work out for them.
Kels told me I was very stupid that I should
have told him the truth. The truth was and is that Bola is bisexual. She was
more of a lesbian because she enjoyed sex more with girls. (Lol). I told her
nothing about Luke and I and I told Luke nothing about her female lovers.
Kels insisted then that I should have at
least fought for him. I think that’s stupid. I might be a sex freak but I want
what my mum and dad had; real love. Someone that likes you and just you, you don’t
question if they do or not, it’s evident by their actions besides, who wants to
play second fiddle or be a back up for some other girl?
‘Tessa you’re
getting emotional o!’
But it’s true. I want acceptance, some guy
that looks at me and knows it’s me he wants. His telling me all that told me
the answer I sought; I was just a fuck buddy to him, always was, always will be.
She was the ONE to him.
One thing Kels doesn’t understand till date
is, you don’t and should never compete for a guy. That’s going stupid. Choose a
person that chooses you. If he wants some other girl, pull out of the picture and
let him have her.
‘Tessa you don
turn relationship counsellor for your mind. (Lol)’
Luke and Bola were perfect for each other.
He had a saviour complex that only wanted timid pour my problems on you girls
that he could save and Bola had the damsel in distress, let me tell you my
deepest problems so you can like me syndrome (lol).
They’ve been married, three years now. I
guess Bola realised he was the perfect cover and Luke could never divorce her
cause he had an image to protect. Maybe he knew she was bi and thought his mojo
and love could save her and be enough (lmfao).
Kels told me, he found out about Bola’s
recent girlfriend, some hot Brazilian chic. He caught them in bed. The news is
about town.
Kels can be funny sometimes, asking me if he
comes back for me, would I take him. HELL NO!
Who wants a Tokunbo man? Because the love of your life that you chose
turns out to be a mistake, you now remember the poor girl you left behind. Lol!
I’m six feet of gorgeousness. I’m
stubborn,i'm confident, I love sex, I’m crazy, I’m kind and loving if you show it first, I’m a
believer of actions not words, anyone who gives up all of this for all of
whatever, doesn’t deserve a second of my time.
‘Wait! Did Kels
tell him I’ll be here????’
Thank God, he’s leaving. He’s aged ten years
in just three years. I pity him...pity! That’s why my heart was beating fast.
Poor Luke!
I have a blind date next tomorrow. All part
of my Johnny quest thanks to Uzo and Kels who sings I have to meet men, go on
dates. (Lol)
‘I wonder what
he’d be like. There are lots of crazy men in this town sha.’
One hour more to
burn here before the infamous bread gets ready. Tessa, you should have just
seen a movie.
You reading, you
do understand that all content on this site are copyrighted, my intellectual
property and can’t be lifted off into any other form of media? Ok, we’re cool.
Friday, February 27, 2015
SEARCHING FOR JOHNNY 3 (fiction)
Hmmmm! That feels really good. Just a little
bit to the left, now right. I’m almost there. Oh this is it. Dear God! This
is.....What the fuck?
Tessa, rearrange fast.
‘No work today?’
‘Mum, you can’t
just enter my room like that now.’
God, please don’t let her see James. I’d do
hundred Hail Mary’s. I’ll even sweep the church for a month. This woman should
go now. She’s still standing there, looking at me suspiciously.
‘What?’
‘You look
feverish. Tessa are you sick?’
Is she reaching out to tuck me in? James!
‘No! I’m fine
mummy. I slept late that’s why.’
‘Nne, you work
too hard. Let me warm the leftover pepper soup for you.’
‘Mum don’t
stress yourself.’
Why is she laughing?
‘If I don’t take
care of you, is it your dead father I’ll take care of?’
‘Mummy!’
‘Don’t move.
I’ll be back with the soup.’
Pheeew! That was close. I love mum to bits
but she has a problem with boundaries. I can just imagine her reaction if she’d
seen James, my giant dildo inside me as she opened the door. (Laugh). Thank God
for bed sheets and duvets.
I’d agreed with my besties; Uzo and Kels, to
hold on for the right guy. Well, doesn’t mean I can’t have sex any other way. A
dildo isn’t a man. Is using a dildo, fornication? Nah! It isn’t a person, no
sin here. Now, where was I? This battery better not die on me today.
That feels.....Not
again!
My virginal sister, arms akimbo, disapproving
look on her face staring down at me.
‘Is it that
everyone in this house has a problem with knocking?’ I thundered as I dove for
cover.
‘Tessa, you
shouldn’t use that demonic thing.’
Is she about to cry?
‘What demonic
thing?’
Let’s see if she can say the name.
‘That thing!’
She pointed at James.
‘What thing
Joan?’
Ok, Tessa, no laugh.
So, because person na virgin, im no fit call Peepee, Penis, Toto, Junior,
Dick...Tessa, concentrate.
‘Can’t you say
it?’
‘That disgusting
thing!’
Ok, time to push. Let me put it in my mouth.
If it was possible for Joan to have a heart attack at twenty-seven, she just
did.
‘Tessa!!!!!’
The door swung open at her shrieking. Mum
dropped the pepper soup on seeing me. Chai! What lie do I tell now?
******************************************
‘Theresa!’
That’s my,
you’re in trouble name.
‘Yes ma.’
I use ma when I know, I’m in trouble.
‘What was that
thing in your mouth?’
We gather round the dining table whenever
anyone’s in trouble. If I could slap Joan without arousing suspicion, I for
brush am teytey. See her eyes like cat own. I’m sure she’s dying to see how I
get out of this. My mum still thinks I’m a virgin.
‘Theresa, I’m
talking to you.’
Mum looks prettier angry. How come I’ve never
noticed?
‘Mum, it’s her
thing?’
‘Thing for?’ my
mum asked.
‘It’s my cheek
massager.’
If Joan doesn’t close her shocked mouth, I
swear, I’ll slap her for real.
‘Cheek massager
kwa?’
‘Yes mum.
Remember I told you I was tired. I had pains round my tooth and my cheeks hurt,
so it helps with the pain.’
Hmmm! If my mum, knew what she’s inspecting
all over was the oyibo version of a penis that can do things (laugh).
‘Don’t put it in
your mouth!’ Joan screamed.
‘Mum, it can’t
be shared.’
‘Ehen!’
‘Yes ma!’ Joan
and I replied.
‘It’s like a
toothbrush, it can’t be shared.’ I added
‘Why does it
look like a man’s organ?’
Mum try pass Joan sef.
‘You know this
oyibo people can be funny.’
We laughed different shades of laughter. Lol!
‘In that case,
buy me one for Father Sixtus. His toothache......’
Ok, I’m in my head again and I’ve zoned out.
Joan looks like she’s about to puke. Dear God, what will be the headline: “REV FR. CAUGHT WITH DILDO IN MOUTH, CALLS IT
CHEEK MASSAGER”
Tessa, think,
think.
‘It’s out of
stock! Joan to the rescue.
‘Yes mum, it is.
They were checking the reception in the Nigerian market.’ I buttressed.
‘Ok dear. Joan,
no work?’
‘It’s public
hol.’
‘Good! Tessa, go
back to bed, let me make fresh pepper soup.’
Ok, let me warn
Joan with my eyes before she spills. She’ll get the message. Perfect! She did.
I’m taking a sex break on men and now my
James is on one too. There’s Mr Right out there, but where?
*********************************************************************************
Check me out in this short film: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=KEggln4eyNQ
*********************************************************************************
Please vote for my friends nominated for the AMVCAs i beg thee. Voting ends this saturday 28th February at midnight.
Kehinde Bankole( the pretty dimpled cheek teacher in October 1) for best actress in a drama https://connect.dstv.com/4.0.863/en-ZA/Login/?returnUrl=http%3A%2F%2Famvca2015-awards.dstv.com%2FCategory%2F525%2FNominee%2FNominee%2F4905
Wole Ojo (have you seen Maami featuring Funke Akindele. The short film 'Brave'?) for best actor in a Drama http://amvca2015-awards.dstv.com/NomineeCategory/505
Kelechi Udegbe (have you seen the Officer Titus series? He's officer Titus) for best actor in a comedy
http://amvca2015-awards.dstv.com/NomineeCategory/495
Thank you and God bless you as you vote and share with your family, friends and acquaintances. Cheers!
*********************************************************************************
Check me out in this short film: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=KEggln4eyNQ
*********************************************************************************
Please vote for my friends nominated for the AMVCAs i beg thee. Voting ends this saturday 28th February at midnight.
Kehinde Bankole( the pretty dimpled cheek teacher in October 1) for best actress in a drama https://connect.dstv.com/4.0.863/en-ZA/Login/?returnUrl=http%3A%2F%2Famvca2015-awards.dstv.com%2FCategory%2F525%2FNominee%2FNominee%2F4905
Wole Ojo (have you seen Maami featuring Funke Akindele. The short film 'Brave'?) for best actor in a Drama http://amvca2015-awards.dstv.com/NomineeCategory/505
Kelechi Udegbe (have you seen the Officer Titus series? He's officer Titus) for best actor in a comedy
http://amvca2015-awards.dstv.com/NomineeCategory/495
Thank you and God bless you as you vote and share with your family, friends and acquaintances. Cheers!
Saturday, December 27, 2014
COMPETING WITH OTHERS
Tonye was
your junior in school but now he owns his own firm. He’s a big boy, a confirmed
one. He has a house and cars, not rented. You walk into your one room and cry.
Why is he successful while you are not? What have you done wrong?
Every day we
look at people and wonder why we don’t have what they have. We tell ourselves
their lives are better than ours. We see the clothes, shoes, bags, houses, cars;
spouses and we comment to ourselves that our lives are not worth it. We ask
God, why does Stella have this and we don’t. That little envy appears each time
we see their updates on Blackberry, Facebook, Twitter and other social media
sites. Sometimes we even add, ‘I’m better than Tony.’ ‘I deserve all this and
not her.’
When we plan,
we add ‘I’ll make it more than Tony has already.’ ‘My husband will be better
and richer than Funmi’s.’
Do you know
you are in competition with no one but yourself? They are not competing with
you. That Tony, Funmi, and Stella you are looking at and basing your life and
your success with theirs are not you. You’re not them either. You have had different
backgrounds, roads, opportunities, your dreams, desires are all totally
different. You may have met Funmi’s husband and you wouldn’t want him because
what you want in a man is different from what she wants. Wherever they are now, you didn’t follow the
same path they did. Maybe their family got them the job or they had a nest egg
somewhere to start up or their field is in acting while yours is in banking.
You are not same with anyone on this planet so why measure your success with
theirs?
Look at your
dreams which you alone have and mark your progression and success. Yes, you
might both be in banking together and he’s been promoted but you haven’t. He
made different choices as they appeared before him. You might even be working
in different banking firms or same but in different locales and with different
bosses. Why worry your head over another man? Work on yourself and your dreams.
You set your score mark for yourself. If you are in A now tell yourself you
want to move and work towards getting to B next time. If your friend gets to C,
remember you are not in his shoes and you don’t have same thought processes,
opportunities and choices and keep moving on with your goals. Accept your life
and the choices you’ve made, if you want more make it happen and not condemning
your life by calling others better.
Set your
goals higher and move from where you are because you want to. Beat the score
mark you had the last time. You are not in competition with me, him, her, them,
and us but with you. Beat yourself! I know it's that time of the year when we evaluate achievements and milestones done in the year.
Thank you for reading! Hope my thought helps you somehow as it did me.
Happy New Year in advance and good luck with your resolutions and plans. Cheers!
Thank you for reading! Hope my thought helps you somehow as it did me.
Happy New Year in advance and good luck with your resolutions and plans. Cheers!
Saturday, November 29, 2014
THAT SATURDAY AFTERNOON
It was one of those hot Lagos Saturday afternoons. I was in a bus; I could feel the sweat trickling down my back. ‘I think this ozone layer thing is turning out to be a worldwide problem’ I grumbled irritated as I dabbed my face with my handkerchief. Beside me was an elderly woman of 50, dressed to the hilt for one of our famous Lagos owambe parties, which happened everywhere on Saturdays. We lagosians love our owambe parties. Her gele (headgear) was so huge I had to turn my head sideways to prevent it from entering my eyes in case the bus fell into a pot hole. I tried hard not to stare at her because her makeup was like that of an Adanma masquerade. I wondered who let her out of the house, old mama youngy.
My ass was beginning to ache. The seat on the bus was made of wood and the journey was long. I was on my way to Satellite Town to see or rather console a friend of mine who just had a bad break up. A guy she had been dating for four years just upped and left her. She had been crying on phone to me all morning so I decided to pack an overnight bag and get over to her house before she did something stupid because a guy not worthy of her left her, I never liked Rafe. Therefore, there I was in a Mile 2 bus, travelling from one end of Lagos to another. I was busy looking out the window admiring the changes Governor Fashola had done to Lagos. I tried not to listen in on the conversation my fellow passengers were having when I heard it.
“Ah! Oga, wetin dey inside this bag?”
Immediately , I turned, the lady who spoke was in her twenties, very pretty and the man she addressed looked like a knock off version of 50cent with the fake diamond chain (bling bling) hanging round his neck and a baggy jeans. He tried to cover the girl's mouth, pleading with her
"Please, keep quiet” Naturally, my interest and that of every passenger on the bus was piqued. An old man sitting by the young lady asked her “My dear, what is your business with what he’s carrying?” She looked at him defiantly
“Papa, na my business o! A corner of the bag is open and I think, no! I am sure I saw dollars in the bag. What if the police stop this bus or worse the EFCC?” We all looked at him for confirmation. He said, “Please, I beg y’all, don’t turn me in. I’ll tell y’all the truth” “I been living in the states for years. I worked in the toilets, washed dishes, washed dead bodies and did all sorta menial jobs. I sent every penny I made home to my uncle to keep for me, then, I got deported man. So, off I go to me uncle’s to get my money and he starts telling me all sorta stories” he said in his knock off abi fake American accent, if you ask me. “He tells me I sent him no money,” he continued “One day, I wait till he goes off to work; I sneak into his place and find this bag of dollars, my money. Please understand” he finished. Some passengers were saying “ee yah!” “Thank God!” “People can be wicked, Olorun ma je (God forbid)!” “Na wa o!” The rest led by the young lady screamed “ Driver stop this bus” “ I no wan go prison o” “ bros, even if na u get d moni, u steal am, u b thief” He kept on begging, then he said “ Please, don’t turn me in. I’m willing to share the money with all of you” Trust Nigerians, their eyes chook open “eeeh!” “Bros, u serious?” “Ok!” “That’s better, for our trouble and silence.” My mind kept thinking and my heart was beating erratically. I wondered the kind of trouble I just landed myself. These people might be 419ers’, ritualists or even the famous one chance people. I kept quiet throughout the whole fiasco.
We were heading towards the Oshodi expressway when the young lady said “Bros, Ur idea good sha but me, I will not collect stolen money. We have to bless that money” “I will not touch cursed money. I know a big man of God, a Pastor, he stays around Oshodi here.” She continued, “But he’s very expensive”
“Sister, that’s a very good idea,” the old woman beside me said. Warning bells were ringing in my head seriously. “So, young lady, like how much will it cost?”
“It’s very expensive o, like N500,000”
“Ah! That’s very expensive, is he buying a new car”
Everybody in the bus was complaining until the old man said, “I have a solution. Let’s all contribute the little we have, a little drop of water makes a mighty ocean”
“Baba, that’s a very good idea” they agreed.
“Thanks y’all” the 50-cent knock off said.
“Ok! Everybody, How much do you have on you?” They started mentioning how much they had. Then they turned to me
“Sister, how much u get?”
I looked at them and said; “I don’t have any money on me” My mind was spinning. I knew I had to get off the bus. I remembered stories of people who had found themselves in the same situation. Some are raped; some lose all their money, some for rituals, some thrown off the bus. Men! Was I in big trouble. My eyes darted left and right, we were in a traffic jam.
“Driver, please I wan get down” I said. The young lady looked at me surprised,
“ Haba! Sister, u no won make moni? Just bring any amount you have”
I was panicking
“Driver, I said I want to get down” the driver ignored me. They all tried to convince me on why I should join. Are they stupid? I thought. Do I look like a JJC, in Lagos? I knew they were 419 people. So, I said to them “Wait, u look me finish, waffi babe like me, I resemble Johnny just come for dis Lagos wey we dey so?” They looked at me mouth agape, before they could say Eko! I opened the door on the left and jumped down the bus, thanks to the go-slow. I ran to the other side of the road, without care. Cars were blasting their horns at me. I boarded a commercial bike straight to my friend’s house. This Lagos is a land of opportunities but as Daddy Showkey sung, “shine your eyes well well” This is Lagos!
Friday, October 10, 2014
HOW TO CHANGE PEOPLE
Change they say is the only constant thing in life. Everything in life goes through a procedure or stages you pick the word you prefer. It is never static. Things move forward, backwards, up, down or sideways, it just has to move. A rock that is in a static position also goes through changes. It doesn’t have to stand up and run. Lol! Look at the Evolution theory, you and I have come a long way from our Ape days. Let’s visit the Bible; Adam and Eve were naked, then they put on leaves, then the leaves made way for clothes in the time of their children. Then for a while women didn’t wear trousers but now they do and not just that we are reverting back to the Adam and Eve days. What more proof do you need to agree with me that change is constant?
The right way to have phrased this thought is; ‘Change is the only constant thing in life when it has to do with things, time, fashion and non-humans.’ Change in humans is not constant.
The right way to have phrased this thought is; ‘Change is the only constant thing in life when it has to do with things, time, fashion and non-humans.’ Change in humans is not constant.
Friday, August 22, 2014
Are you dating a REMORA or are you one????
You just lost that guy/ girl you thought was the
one. He broke your heart into a million pieces and treated you worse than
garbage but you still held on till the end because when you first met him he
was caring, attentive and flattered you till right about the time you gave up
the cookie and WHAM! He changes. You call, text, make trips to his place, sing
your love for him but he’s moved on. You sit down in tears dazed by what
happened and in walks his friend. He dries your eyes and tells you, you deserve
better. That his friend is great but he tried to warn you. He makes you smile
and the tears dry up a bit. He listens to you vent and pour out your tears
every time and then you begin to see this friend in a new light. One day, he tells you he’s always had
feelings for you but couldn’t say anything because you were dating his friend.
Your eyes light up and you sing i lost the wrong one to get the right one. You start
seeing each other , you also put out, ‘God bless you ma’am’ . The day you bring
up going public and letting his friend know, he says ok. Time passes and
nothing happens, it turns into, he can’t do this to his friend. Or he can’t get
the images of his friend touching you out of his head. All his friends would
talk about it and all that maybe you guys should just stay friends for now
until the time is right. Oh don’t get me wrong, some do go public but the
relationship always ends.
It might even be in a reversal ie a girl who
broke your heart and her friend swoops in to help you mend it. These people
that swoop in are called in my book, a REMORA. Yes, i can hear your brain
wheels turning. What is a remora, Frances?
“A remora fish attaches itself to the belly
of a shark. It travels everywhere the shark goes. It eats any parasites on the
shark which helps keep the shark clean. It also eats any leftover food from the
shark.”
So let me help
you break it down further.
The shark in this equation is that alpha male
or female that is handsome, successful and full of themselves (they are sha good
at something) and they know it, they can get any girl or guy.
The remora
is their best friend or friend who you see them with everywhere and basks in
their shine. These are the shy, not visibly awesome enough friend of the shark
( who says they aren’t handsome but you know what i mean) They don’t have the
balls to have you so they wait for their shark friend to have you first. They even
help you fall into their friend’s trap because they know they’d be getting you
later.
Who’s the leftover? I’m sorry sugar, you are.
Yes, YOU, don’t look behind, you are the shark’s remains. You are in a
vulnerable and confused state. Your confidence and oomph has gone down a
little, ok maybe a whole lot. *smile*. The shark has left you dazed and in this
state you need comforting even from a tiny fish. In swoops the remora
*soundtrack playing*
What service does the remora offer to their
shark friend you ask? Come on it is glaring already. They take you off their
friend’s back. You don’t belittle yourself with many text messages and go after
the shark with a knife or make his life hell as he enjoys his new meal. They also
make you feel good about yourself and listen to you vent and cry, they offer
you their handkerchief (for their selfish purposes, hehehehehe!). So, no angry,
spiteful, crazy you goes after their shark. In return for their service, they
have you, the juicy leftover on their plate.
P.S: The shark
knows his remora friend had you or will do (they’ve been friends for years and
you’re not his first kill.) He either has the shark’s blessings to enjoy his
left over or the shark works with him so he can get leftovers later. The PERFECT
symbiotic friendship. A do me, i do you
team.
Guys and ladies, have you ever met one? Think
long and hard. Aha! Yes he or she was one. You might even be seeing one now,
you can thank me later for saving you the stress *winks*
Oh and if you just read this and found out
that you are a remora, email me for private counselling. How does it feel to be
second place and not be a man or woman but enjoy what someone else has had? You
need total psych evaluation sha, Mr. and Mrs. second fiddle. Well, on behalf of
your sharks, thank you, you’ve done a great job and still are. Get out of their
shade and man up; I trained you better than that. Lmao!
Please feel free to drop your questions,
comments and answers below. If you’re not sure you have a remora on your hands,
share your story and let’s help you decipher. You think you might be a remora *eyes
widen* and you’re not sure, hmmm, share let’s be the judge of that. Either ways,
have a beautiful love filled life. Love yourself first and every other thing
shall follow suit.
Saturday, July 12, 2014
KEEPING HOPE ALIVE
I remember one of my favourite stories of all
time ‘PANDORA’S BOX’. If you are a lover of Greek and Roman Mythology you must
have heard of it. Pandora’s curiosity got the better of her and she just had to
open that box and out into the world came; misery, famine, hunger, hate,
sadness and everything evil known to man
was released. Looking into the box, thinking it empty but alas, one was left.
One had refused to escape. It was hope.
In everything there is always hope. Hope for
a better life is what wakes you up in the morning. Hope to put forward your
best to leave your mark in the world. Hope that you’d find love someday pushes
you into relationships with arms wide open no matter how many times your heart
gets stomped on the floor. Hope that they’d spend forever with you makes you
stand at that altar and say ‘I do’. Hope
for good education, takes you to the university. Hope, that there’d be
electricity makes you pay the electricity bills even though your light bulb
never blinked last month.
Hope, there is nothing as powerful as hope.
Hope lifts the human spirit. Hope is the reason we all still live in this
country. Hope that the missing Chibok girls would be found. Hope that Nigeria
can get better.
Hope no matter how bleak is hope. It can be a
bright burning furnace, it can be a dim matchstick light, and it is hope.
Without hope, all is lost. Hope to me is what the religious sects tag as faith.
They say without faith you have nothing, so I
tell you; without Hope you are lost.
I don’t know if you’ve ever come across the
lifeless body of one who has committed suicide? That is a person who had no ray
of hope.
Please keep hope alive. No matter how bleak
your future looks right now. You might look around you and you see poverty .
You’ve been searching for love but you’ve been thrown to the wolves every time.
You’ve been hoping for a better country but the state of your country leaves
tears and disbelief in your eyes. Don’t give up. Never ever give up.
When everything looks bleak and beyond your
control, you still have control. That control is hope. Hope will never leave
you. Hope has the ability to manifest from your thoughts. Imagine if every
citizen stopped complaining and calling the situation hopeless but held on to
believe in the future, hope. Hope, I can’t explain it is like a spirit. It
brings the right things to help you manifest it your way.
During the slave trade, the slaves hoped that
someday they would be free. They held on
to it tightly. With time, freedom arrived, their hope became real. Then the
generations after them hoped for equal rights, to be free and seen as human.
With time, segregation was gone and blacks and whites became equal. That hope
gave birth to the future which is today, that undying hope has put a black man
in the White house. I’m not a preacher but that’s the power of hope.
People can say what they will about you,
about your works, and about your circumstances but only you can change it. Do
you believe the picture they have painted? Or do you hold on the hope in your
heart that things will change, that where you are now isn’t the you of
tomorrow?
The power lies in you. That power is how big
your hope for change is. Forget what you say to others. When you sit down and
listen to yourself in the silence of your heart. Do you really have hope?
I beg you, no matter where and what you find
yourself in, there’s always hope. Suicide isn’t the way out. Only you can
change that situation if you believe it can change. Your mind and hope becomes
you. No one, absolutely no one can take that away from you.
Keep the hope in you alive; keep the hope in
Nigeria alive.
Don’t lose hope. Cheers to the future you and
your future situation.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)