Showing posts with label loving alone. Show all posts
Showing posts with label loving alone. Show all posts

Saturday, November 1, 2014

UNREQUITED LOVE



A mighty pain to love it is,
And ‘tis a pain that pain to miss,
But of all pains, the greatest pain
It is to love ,but love in vain
· Abraham Cowley

That verse said it all. Unrequited love can be and is one of the most painful experiences ever. It can be worse than a break up. Unrequited love according to the Merriam Webster online dictionary ‘love not reciprocated or returned in kind.’ If you ask me, it is half love, a one-way love. There are two forms or more of it. You love the person, you are great friends, platonic ones but you can’t tell them because you don’t want to ruin a friendship or worse they have someone and don’t see you in that light. You love someone, you see every day, they don’t know you exist but you know they do, maybe you work in the same place, are in the same school but you’ve never met them, you pass each other every day. Then the last, which I describe as the worst because I went through it, you are dating someone in some form of relationship, you love him or her and you think they do same. Then, one day you discover it was all in your head and everything was a lie.
This feeling has nothing to do with sex. They are very strong and genuine; it turns out to be an obsession. It is more painful when you think you had someone then realised you did not. It makes you feel like the world’s greatest fool when you realise you were in love alone. There are certain symptoms of unrequited love,
· Making a fool of yourself.
· You daydream about this person a whole lot.
· You create unrealistic hopes and desires.
· Said partner does not take you out, it is an indoors thing. You meet no member of family, close friends or importantly the mom after a certain period.
· You guys go on and off in the relationship thanks to her or him. One minute you are a couple, next, you are in the friend zone and on it goes because they know you love them. They lead you on.
· They take from you physically, emotionally but never give.
· They always make excuses when you ask them to spend time with you.
· You do the reaching out and practically the whole work. they call on you when they need something in disguise maybe moral support, cash, booty call etc.
· You always make excuses for their behaviour, every time.
· There are certain things the person keeps from you. They do not care to really know you or reveal more of themselves. You are not best friends.

You feel you cannot live without them. Nature is funny, when you love someone who does not love you back; it creates an immense longing for him or her, neediness most times taken advantage of by leading you on or use to kick you in the groin. You look at them and you see all the good, you believe they love you within but do not know how to show it. They are different from their exterior. You believe one day, they will wake up, change and realise that they love you, then see you there. When you find out you were led on, you feel used but you still hope and try to show them that you are the one they have always wanted and waited for. Wake up! You are not.
If your love was not returned, then it was never meant to be. Yes, you feel like your heart has broken into a billion shards that it feels like a heart attack. Rejection does that to people. Things happen for a very good reason. Let me tell you one thing and you should believe me, you do not want to spend the rest of your life with someone who doesn’t love you, doesn’t see you, takes you for granted, doesn’t want to really know you, someone who will not share him or herself with you. You do not want to keep being a slave to love, holding on that they will see you someday. No one wants scraps. Do you? You deserve someone that sees you, loves to share and spend time with you. You deserve someone who loves you as much as you love them. You wonder how you will live without them. You just have to have them, even if it means you love them alone. You wonder why they could not love you. Sometimes, they just cannot i.e. if you guys are just friends; it is painful if they make you think they do when they do not. You feel rejected, angry, lost, humiliated but you still love them, you think there is nothing you can do. If you ask me, you are in self-denial and soaking in self-pity, an illusion. You can do something because in the end you will discover it was just an infatuation. Love is not love, if not reciprocated. In my next post, I will share ways to get over an unrequited love. If you have ever been in one. Do share with us by leaving comments. (To be continued)

Friday, July 26, 2013

UNREQUITED LOVE 2


An unrequited love can affect your whole life. You will never forget it. It can affect your way of thinking, emotions, relationships, beliefs, actions and the list goes on. So, then how do you get over an unrequited love? What are the procedures?
· Accept it and yourself- it is not your fault. Love is a beautiful thing when reciprocated and we don’t tell our hearts whom to fall for or do we? (To be taken up in another post.) Understand it; it is not usually a conscious decision. They just do not love you.
· Distance- out of sight is out of mind applies in this case. Time heals all wounds plus distance. Do not call or anything. Make yourself scarce. Distance yourself from them, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Tell me it is harsh or it is the coward’s way. I have grown to realise, if I do not hear from nor see the person, I do not feel it, it dies and you can dedicate your time to yourself and meet new people you would never have seen because there is no thought of waiting for the person you love, when they are not in your life. I cannot emphasise this more. It worked for me.
· Enjoy life- learn to enjoy life without them. Be single and free. Discover yourself.
· Neediness- kill every spirit of neediness you have. You do not need another human being to be happy. Placing your happiness on them has made them important, so, they use it and take your for granted. You and not others can only determine real happiness for you. Believe me; it comes from self-love and respect. When you love yourself, you can love another. If, you love yourself, you would not put yourself through this.
· If you love them, set them free and be happy for them even if they do not love you. Remember, it is not their fault.
· Boundaries- if you want to stay just friends stay that way. Be honest and straight to the point. Do not lead people on, so clarify those boundaries. Do not say I love you then later change your mind. Be sure of what you want. Let it be known that you are not out for romance. ( well if you can stay friends, I possibly can't after I have been led on but if it is your thing do it but don’t do it with a hope of if this person is mine crap. Squash it like a bug!)
The truth is when you know who you really are. You would never stand for this. When you know your worth and understand the basic home truth about you and that, always someone better will come along and feel the same way you feel about them. So, take my advice and discover who you are, it helps in the decisions we have to take in life. I leave you with these words.

Let no one who loves be called unhappy. Even love unreciprocated has its rainbow.
- James Matthew Barrie