THE NEED TO BELONG

  Have you ever wondered why you need friends? Why you keep trying to make people like you? Why you keep searching for love even after your heart has been smashed into pieces? Have you asked yourself why you hang on to that friendship even when it’s detrimental to your health? Why you worry about the clothes you wear, the way you speak, the amount of money you have, the cars you ride, the places you go to, the job you do? Have you sat down and wondered why you care so much about what your friends, co-workers and even mere strangers say and think about you? Have you wondered why you deemed it fitting to belong to a religious inclination and go as far as to join a society in your religious group? Do you ever remember wondering how to make friends and make people like you when you were a kid or a teenager? Do you remember, taking that stick of cigarette and holding it to your lips and dragging in as your mates looked at you? Do you remember sneaking out at night to attend that party that everyone was talking about? Do you remember wearing your uniform in a certain way like

CUTTING YOUR COAT

Edwin looked into his wallet, he only had ten thousand naira left, resolved, he took it out and paid the cashier. He knew he was going to drink garri for a while and pay lots of visits to people to see food to eat but this was the event of the year and he couldn’t show up in the black blazers he wore to church last week. He had a reputation to protect.
  Linda hasn’t paid her school fees. Her parents were broke and gave her just one thousand naira to use as pocket allowance for the semester until they could get more money. Her boyfriend asked her what she wanted for her birthday and she mentioned the latest Ipad and a Brazilian weave. The cost of the two was near four hundred thousand naira and she was so happy. Everyone would see her as an it girl. A very expensive one at that. It never occurred to her to gather this money, pay her fees and give the rest to her parents. She was a campus big girl and everyone must know that she was in town.
  Ade wanted to please Ruth. He knew that the Blackberry she said she wanted he didn’t have the money anywhere. He was a student like her and his parents were not rich. He withdrew all his life savings, borrowed money from his friends, sold his gold chain and his laptop and bought the phone for her. He just wanted to see her smile. After all as her boyfriend he should be able to take care of her and provide her with whatever she wants. That was what real men did and he was one.  He wanted her to be the envy of her friends. He didn’t want to lose her.
  Tina loved to sport her natural hair. She loved being quirky. She loved the huge glasses and the sneakers. She loved herself. She met Dammy and gave up the natural hair for Brazilian weaves, got the clingy dresses going, gave up her sneakers for heels. She knew he loved women with class. He’d commented once or twice about her hair and her style. She’d seen his eyes glow appreciatively at the girly girls that all looked alike and she changed to get him to stay. She wanted his love and if making that sacrifice to make him think her gorgeous and beautiful was it then it was worth it.
   Lisa’s new friends were organising a girl trip to Dubai. Lisa ran and borrowed money with a promise to pay back so she could fit in and not be looked down on by them.
  Insecurities make people cut a cloth to sew a dress that isn’t their size. You have to learn to accept yourself as you are and your situation. Love yourself. If you do then you’d know you don’t have to change what makes you happy because you don’t want to lose someone. You’d say hey if they don’t accept the fact that I’m not as rich as they are, as travelled as they are then maybe we shouldn’t be friends. If you are comfortable in your skin, you wouldn’t care that what you wore is different from others. You wouldn’t let trivial unimportant things get to you. There’s always someone out there that would accept your eccentricities. If that girl wants to leave you because you can’t afford the new expensive phone that she likes then let her go. There’s a girl out there that would sit down and chew kulikuli with you. If he tells you he’d leave you if you don’t sleep with him, raise your chin up and show him the door. It’s not by force to do. If you did all that under duress, became who you are not for someone else, they will never respect you and in time you will hate yourself because you are unhappy and you begin to resent them. You will find acceptance as you are with the right people. Someone will love you as you are. Creating illusions with what you are not, you only destroy yourself, the people you are trying to impress only talk about you for five minutes in a twenty four hours day.
  Confidence and true beauty comes from within when you let yourself shine free of restriction and fear. What you have and put on will only give you a minute false confidence. Your inner confidence stays on the outside for much longer even if you have rags on. It shows in your speech, the way you carry yourself, your smile, your eyes and your laughter. If you like wear the most expensive dress in the world. Your confidence span would last for just ten minutes.
  If your material is big, small, medium, it is yours and yours alone. Learn to cut your coat according to your cloth material. Be yourself. Cheers!