Ebuka was finally done with school. His uncle had promised to help him secure a place in his firm. He had told him that at a family burial when they had last met and he had asked Emeka what class he was in. Filled with expectations of a promised and ready job, Ebuka paid his uncle a visit with his documents. He dropped the necessary ones. A week turned into a week, a month, months and a year. His uncle was filled with one excuse or the other. It got to a point he stopped picking Ebuka’s calls. Ebuka was furious that his uncle, his own blood had refused to help him. He was his uncle; if you don’t help family who do you help then?
Lucy was tired of all the men out there. Everyone just wanted to sleep with her. To her, a man that respects and really likes her (she’s not even going as far as love), would be patient with her. He would treat her as more than an object. Her heart had been broken so many times because of it. Her dream man should be God fearing, loving, patient, respect, her, listen to her, be faithful, be good looking and be successful in his field.
John was in love with Alice. They were friends before they started dating, so it made everything easy. There was one problem i.e. to John; Alice is a virgin. Alice didn’t see it as a problem. They’d been dating for a year now and John was frustrated. He loved Alice but he felt if she loved him very much then she should be willing to let him do it. Alice was sad; she felt if John loved her as much as she did him then her virginity shouldn’t be a problem. She’d learnt and believes that if a man really loves you then your being a virgin shouldn’t matter to him. He’d respect you and love it through it all. To John a girl that loves you would let you do it, besides he’s tried holding back for a year, not cheating once and he was very very active before he met Alice.
Ekene was done! His wife was no more the girl he used to know. When he had met her five years ago, she was slimmer than Agbani Darego. She was beautiful and tall. She loved to dress up in all the latest fads. She was a girly girl. Now they were married, she had changed from the girly girl into a mummy mum. She didn’t care anymore about her appearance. She no longer did the things that drove him wild. He was perplexed, bitter and angry. He thought she’d stay the same.
It was Valentine’s day and Folu had forgotten again. Ella was fed up. To her if a man loved her there were some dates he shouldn’t just forget and Valentine was the second one. It was a universal thing. On Valentine’s Day, you wine and dine the woman you loved, unless she was the side chick. Ella was beginning to think she was one. She was heartbroken, angry. She called her friends on phone and cried her heart out. In his defence, Folu always forgot his own birthday sha.
Edgar was disappointed. All the girls were easy. They were all ready to kiss him on the first date. To him, a proper girl, the woman he will marry should be able to resist it, be different. He kicked all the girls that he kissed on the first day out. If she let him kiss her, what about other guys, he thought. He met Anne and she didn’t let him have a kiss till the tenth date. They got married and she let her guard down, in walked Jezebel.
Nonso loved respect. His mantra was he respected people, so he should be respected too. Emeka at work pissed him off every time. The guy treated him like a junior. He had no respect for him. This made Nonso angry every time. He also hated being looked down upon.
It was Femi’s birthday and he was hoping he get the Rolex he always wanted. His girl got him something different and he couldn’t hide his displeasure on time. Anu, was giddy when she saw the artwork, she couldn’t wait to see the smile on Femi’s face when she presented it. She got the shocker of her life. She was hurt and angry.
If you leave me I could go on forever. Guess the one thing responsible for the different emotions everyone in the above stories felt? EXPECTATIONS. They all had expectations that weren’t met. Expectation is the reason we get angry, sad, laugh, and cry. If you did something for someone you’d expect a thank you, if they didn’t say it, another emotion comes up in you. Every action we take, do, say in relation to other people, we as humans always have a preconceived expectation of how they should do it and respond. Then we place ourselves in, if it were us we’d do it this way. Expectation is what’s responsible for every heartbreak; break up, disappointment, anger, everything in your life.
I promised to give a solution to anger and here it is. Have no expectations. Human beings are the most fickle of creations. We all think differently. Please, forget the shared interests you have. If you don’t expect a thank you, you won’t get pissed but will appreciate it when you get it. If it’s your birthday and you don’t expect a gift, you wouldn’t get angry or feel disappointed when the people you expect it from bring nothing. If they do, you’d be genuinely surprised and happy.
Some say, we need to have expectations but the truth is with humans you can’t be sure. Having expectations makes us miss out on a lot. We let our expectations stop and control us.
You should only have expectations from yourself and from your God (the universe if you practise none.). Even when you have expectations from yourself, cut yourself some slack. Having high expectations even low ones from others asides yourself will send you to an early grave. (Being in a marriage and expecting him/her to be faithful, abracadabra he has two kids outside; you have a heart attack and die. You have a best friend or so you think, you tell them everything and they stab you in the back. You’d cry and feel so hurt you never trust another person.) If you’d gone in with no expectations, you have fewer worries, if things happen you’re surprised but not dead.
If you think my expectation theory is wrong, sincerely in your heart, think about the last time you got angry; why were you angry? Ok, what triggered your feeling that way? Voila! Ok, in case you’re the no anger type. Let’s go to your last relationship; why did you break up? How did you feel when what happened did? What did your partner do you didn’t like? Why didn’t you like it? Voila! Another expectation it is.
Why are you reading this write-up? You’re expecting something, aren’t you? Well, that’s left for you to figure out.
Reduce your expectations from others and live a happy productive life with a reduced influx of negative emotions and a heightened positive one.
I wish you a happy, productive life. Have a blast on earth. Love, Frances.
If you like what you just read, do go through other posts for more. Cheers!