Showing posts with label emotional abuse. Show all posts
Showing posts with label emotional abuse. Show all posts

Sunday, November 1, 2015

PUT YOU DOWN



  I don’t mean that physically. Of course I can’t do that because I never carried you up. I don’t know if you’ve ever met people who specialize in this, especially if they are friends. What then do I mean by put you down?
  Ijeoma had just got into the university. She meets another girl called Rose and they became fast friends. Everywhere Rose went, Ijeoma was never far away. They started having the same friends both guys and girls. Rose was always the life of the party. Ijeoma was the quiet seldom speaking friend. They decided to stay off- campus together. If Ijeoma’s friends came to the room, Rose always won them over. Soon, they’d come to the room to look for Rose, not Ijeoma. You would think, Rose must really be an awesome person and there must be something wrong with Ijeoma. What no one knew was that Rose was feeding on Ijeoma’s confidence. She’d broken her down so much that Ijeoma felt second place and that Rose was better. Rose could never be friends with someone like her or as popular as she was with people, she preferred people that she could put below her. You can liken it to the queen Bees we see in high school movies. If rose and Ijeoma have a quarrel, Rose puts the blame on Ijeoma and tells everyone that cares to listen that it was Ijeoma’s fault. Who do you think they’ll believe the popular girl they all love or the mousey friend that doesn’t talk and follows her around?
  You are still confused how Ijeoma was broken. Anytime she cooked, Rose would complain that’ no this doesn’t taste nice, let me show you how to do it. ‘
  Very soon Ijeoma believed she was a bad cook and Rose was better. She stopped cooking altogether, so no one ever tasted Ijeoma’s cooking when they visited. Ijeoma would dress up and Rose would tell her, ‘
Don’t wear that, your tummy is big or your hips are too big than accepted, your thighs are getting fat work on it, look at the way mine are.’  Sometimes Rose would even tell her;
What you are putting on is not good, it doesn’t fit you. Don’t wear that colour wear this. You have no dress sense, listen to me.’
‘Your face is too long, your eyes are too wide, it should be like mine. You shouldn’t have said that to Seun, you just don’t know how to talk to people. Leave me let me do the talking. That idea of yours is stupid, it won’t work I know believe me, someone close to me tried it before.’
  It went on and on. Ijeoma began to believe there was something wrong with her and Rose was perfect and better.  Ijeoma soon began to believe that she was privileged that Rose chose her out of everyone else to be her friend and confidant. The friendship was now a privilege on one side.  She couldn’t believe her luck to have someone so perfect that everyone likes as a friend. You are asking why she believed Rose. Well, isn’t it said that friends will always tell you the truth? To Ijeoma, Rose was her friend and would never lie to her. Ijeoma’s self confidence was shattered without her knowledge. She had no idea. She never did anything without putting it by Rose; Rose would never lie to her and was her best friend. You as an innocent bystander would see this too girls walking down the street and guess whose beauty and figure you would marvel at? You guessed right, Ijeoma. But Ijeoma never saw this. The signs were there all along but she never believed anyone but Rose. She turned a blind eye to everything until she travelled and lived temporarily with other girls. They all loved Ijeoma. They begged her to cook every time, even to teach them how to cook the way she did. They admired her figure and told her openly. She never believed them and was shocked that they loved her food, it was a battle within before she realised she could cook. You may think she learnt the cooking from Rose but these same girls have tasted Rose’s cooking and they tell Ijeoma that she is better. Slowly, the scales began to drop. Her confidence began to build. Do you think she realized what Rose had done and would keep Rose in her place? Such a structure takes effort to break. Even after the entire realisation, she’s still back with Rose and going through the putting down again.
  I hope you understand a little now what I mean by putting down in my own way. If you now try to look into the psychology of people who put others down, you’d find out that their confidence is suffering a worst blow than yours maybe from their family or a loved one they’ve been trying to please ,so they try to feel important and better by doing same to others. 
  I am not saying that if you are putting your leg into fire and a friend tells you that the person is putting you down. You can always tell who such people are. They know you look better, think better but they can’t have you knowing that. Believe me; you don’t need such people as friends because you will never amount to nothing. They will kill every idea and plan you have by painting it as rubbish even if they know it will make you bigger. Friends should see you as an equal. You bring something into the friendship and so do they. They should be the one to highlight your best qualities to you and to others. They should encourage you and help you attain your goals maybe by their support or insight. Beware of users that would use you to advance themselves and pull you down and make you feel inferior. It is true, where you are headed to can only be made or marred by the kind of friends you keep around you. They help you form an important assessment of yourself. Their impression of you builds an image in your mind that stays there for a long time. If you have the kind of friend Ijeoma has, you should let them go. Why do you think parents are particular about the kind of friends their children keep? Birds of a feather flock together, so look for your kind. No one is perfect, yes but you deserve friends that appreciate you and not depreciate you. The elders always say, ‘show me your friend and I will tell you who you are.’
  It just doesn't happen between mutual friends, It could be in a work environment, a marriage or an intimate relationship, they are everywhere amongst us. They're usually the chatty, supposedly good looking and have it together people. Just take your time and observe your environment, you might notice one or even that you are one. Cheers!