I don’t know if you’ve ever had a piece of item you couldn’t do without. For me when I was younger it was a pair of Giorgio Armani jeans. I got it at a good price but who cared about that. I didn’t even care if it was a knockoff or the real deal. That jeans was the ish. It was snug, perfect and to top it all it was the right shade of blue. I had other pairs of jeans but they paled when it came to this one. Everything magically looked good with it. I wondered where this jeans had been my whole life. I swear down, everything went well with it. Every style of top, shirts, blouses, it was the perfect combination. I didn’t realise it but my brother did. He asked me one day’ is that the only jeans in your wardrobe?’ that’s a bizarre question because I had tons of jeans at that time. So I went into self defence but he came up with proof that I had worn the jeans yesterday, the day before that and practically every other day.
I hadn’t realised I was doing that. Though I remember washing it in the afternoons and waiting patiently for it to dry, it was that bad but I didn’t notice. Every other jeans in my wardrobe had been usurped by the Queen’s new favourite. One day while taking her off. Yes it is a she. One day while taking her off/ Hmmmn that’s some years in prison, I’ll call it a he. One day while taking him off, I noticed a tiny hole; it was very tiny like a full stop. I overlooked it. Nothing was going to stop me from having him, not even a tiny hole. It was tiny after all. Days later while turning him over, I noticed the hole had gone past a full stop to a tiny hole. Nothing was going to stop me. I put him on with the thought that, no one was going to tell me to raise my legs up or spread them, so I was safe. Weeks passed, I realised the hole had given birth to other tiny holes. It was manageable. I made a mental note to fix it. You guessed right, I never did. Days passed and the tiny holes had come together to form a map of holes but I wasn’t about to let go of him. Yes, that jeans is gone! I kept procrastinating until the hole became irreparable. I cried the day I had to put him down. LOL!
We carry this same attitude into our relationships. You guys are in love, madly in love. Everything is perfect but there’s a little problem, it could be a little argument you both had or something your spouse wasn’t happy with or anything. Instead of addressing that issue that is still the size of a full stop, you tell yourself you’d do it later or it’s just a minor issue. It graduates into a tiny hole. The issue came up again but you guys are still in love, you feel nothing can go wrong. You let the issue go and tell yourself we’d discuss it another day. It’s not important. That’s how most relationships end. Whatever issue it was that ended it didn’t just materialize in a day.
I call this the FAVOURITE JEANS THEORY. Your relationship goes the way of my Giorgio Armani jeans. We have a habit, I think it’s necessary in being human because everyone, ok not everyone, most people do it. An issue isn’t an issue until it is huge. We all wait till it grows before we address it, if the other person isn’t shouting or threatening to leave then it isn’t serious. So we avoid all confrontations and pretend all is happy. That relationship of yours shouldn’t and wouldn’t have ended if you hadn’t treated it like a favourite pair of jeans that you felt nothing could happen to. There are always signs. You can’t tell me you never saw it until it ended. Remember that thought in your head the day she complained, he complained then the next minute you guys were laughing, then you told yourself no need rocking the boat, it has passed. WRONG! Issues, problems, complaints or whatever term you want to use never pass. They go into remission like a cancer. You think it’s gone forever and then WHAM! It’s got you and now it’s worse.
So, if you are in a relationship now and you guys have a slight issue, believe me it’s better to thrash it out now. Don’t be scared to approach it with your partner. If you wait, months to come that same issue will end your relationship but now it’s a monster you can’t control anymore. That you guys laughed and had a good time after it first crept up doesn’t mean it wouldn’t come back. It might not even be a shared issue. It might be a nagging thought in your head or that little voice is your Cricket speaking to you, pointing the truth out but you close your eyes.
I’ll reiterate again; the issues you have, had or will have in your relationship were never given birth to as full grown monsters, they passed the stages of gestation, childhood then became the adult monster that wrecked your relationship. Stop and talk through that issue now with your partner. It’s better sewn up when it’s a tiny full stop or get ready to kiss that perfect relationship goodbye when you least expect it. It grows overnight. Learn to communicate with your partner.
Always remember the favourite jeans theory and deal with the issue now. I wish you a better, happy and fulfilled relationship with your partner in the month of love and always. HAPPY VALENTINE!
P.S: it mustn’t be Valentine, his/her birthday or Christmas before you treat your partner.
Cheers!
