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Friday, November 20, 2015


  Life is full of risks. Nothing is certain. Even if we decide to sit in a place and go nowhere. We can never tell what the outcome of the sitting is. However, one thing is certain, there are some things you just do not sit in your room and wait for. You do not expect to win a lottery by closing yourself off in your room. You still have to stand up and go purchase the lottery ticket. The journey from your room to the lottery office is a risk. What if a car knocks you down as you make your way across to the lottery office?
  We all take chances. Sometimes, we do not even realise we are taking a risk. We see some things as nothing. Opening up your heart and making a new friend, sharing your life and secrets is a risk. What if that friend turns on you? What if he is a villain? If you do not open up and make friends, you still are taking a risk. What if you need help from a friend and you have none?
  You are at a job you hate. You want another but you are scared. Do you know you are taking a risk on both counts? You remain in that unloved job and you miss out on the things you would have had differently. You quit the job; you are taking a chance on losing or not in the new one.
  You failed at one relationship. You decide not to have another. You end up an old maid. You decide to take another, you either succeed and find that person or you fail and keep searching. If we realise that we have nothing to lose because it is all chances, we would be bolder and take risks. We would be bolder in our decisions because they are all what ifs. We move on and on and dream that the risks we are taking are the right moves.
  We are always taking chances. Life is a game of chess. You move to win but you might lose. You stay and protect, you might be conquered in your solitary haven. So, do take your chances and move.
 Thank you for reading my random musing from the past. Cheers!

Saturday, October 31, 2015


  I don’t mean that physically. Of course I can’t do that because I never carried you up. I don’t know if you’ve ever met people who specialize in this, especially if they are friends. What then do I mean by put you down?
  Ijeoma had just got into the university. She meets another girl called Rose and they became fast friends. Everywhere Rose went, Ijeoma was never far away. They started having the same friends both guys and girls. Rose was always the life of the party. Ijeoma was the quiet seldom speaking friend. They decided to stay off- campus together. If Ijeoma’s friends came to the room, Rose always won them over. Soon, they’d come to the room to look for Rose, not Ijeoma. You would think, Rose must really be an awesome person and there must be something wrong with Ijeoma. What no one knew was that Rose was feeding on Ijeoma’s confidence. She’d broken her down so much that Ijeoma felt second place and that Rose was better. Rose could never be friends with someone like her or as popular as she was with people, she preferred people that she could put below her. You can liken it to the queen Bees we see in high school movies. If rose and Ijeoma have a quarrel, Rose puts the blame on Ijeoma and tells everyone that cares to listen that it was Ijeoma’s fault. Who do you think they’ll believe the popular girl they all love or the mousey friend that doesn’t talk and follows her around?
  You are still confused how Ijeoma was broken. Anytime she cooked, Rose would complain that’ no this doesn’t taste nice, let me show you how to do it. ‘
  Very soon Ijeoma believed she was a bad cook and Rose was better. She stopped cooking altogether, so no one ever tasted Ijeoma’s cooking when they visited. Ijeoma would dress up and Rose would tell her, ‘
Don’t wear that, your tummy is big or your hips are too big than accepted, your thighs are getting fat work on it, look at the way mine are.’  Sometimes Rose would even tell her;
What you are putting on is not good, it doesn’t fit you. Don’t wear that colour wear this. You have no dress sense, listen to me.’
‘Your face is too long, your eyes are too wide, it should be like mine. You shouldn’t have said that to Seun, you just don’t know how to talk to people. Leave me let me do the talking. That idea of yours is stupid, it won’t work I know believe me, someone close to me tried it before.’
  It went on and on. Ijeoma began to believe there was something wrong with her and Rose was perfect and better.  Ijeoma soon began to believe that she was privileged that Rose chose her out of everyone else to be her friend and confidant. The friendship was now a privilege on one side.  She couldn’t believe her luck to have someone so perfect that everyone likes as a friend. You are asking why she believed Rose. Well, isn’t it said that friends will always tell you the truth? To Ijeoma, Rose was her friend and would never lie to her. Ijeoma’s self confidence was shattered without her knowledge. She had no idea. She never did anything without putting it by Rose; Rose would never lie to her and was her best friend. You as an innocent bystander would see this too girls walking down the street and guess whose beauty and figure you would marvel at? You guessed right, Ijeoma. But Ijeoma never saw this. The signs were there all along but she never believed anyone but Rose. She turned a blind eye to everything until she travelled and lived temporarily with other girls. They all loved Ijeoma. They begged her to cook every time, even to teach them how to cook the way she did. They admired her figure and told her openly. She never believed them and was shocked that they loved her food, it was a battle within before she realised she could cook. You may think she learnt the cooking from Rose but these same girls have tasted Rose’s cooking and they tell Ijeoma that she is better. Slowly, the scales began to drop. Her confidence began to build. Do you think she realized what Rose had done and would keep Rose in her place? Such a structure takes effort to break. Even after the entire realisation, she’s still back with Rose and going through the putting down again.
  I hope you understand a little now what I mean by putting down in my own way. If you now try to look into the psychology of people who put others down, you’d find out that their confidence is suffering a worst blow than yours maybe from their family or a loved one they’ve been trying to please ,so they try to feel important and better by doing same to others. 
  I am not saying that if you are putting your leg into fire and a friend tells you that the person is putting you down. You can always tell who such people are. They know you look better, think better but they can’t have you knowing that. Believe me; you don’t need such people as friends because you will never amount to nothing. They will kill every idea and plan you have by painting it as rubbish even if they know it will make you bigger. Friends should see you as an equal. You bring something into the friendship and so do they. They should be the one to highlight your best qualities to you and to others. They should encourage you and help you attain your goals maybe by their support or insight. Beware of users that would use you to advance themselves and pull you down and make you feel inferior. It is true, where you are headed to can only be made or marred by the kind of friends you keep around you. They help you form an important assessment of yourself. Their impression of you builds an image in your mind that stays there for a long time. If you have the kind of friend Ijeoma has, you should let them go. Why do you think parents are particular about the kind of friends their children keep? Birds of a feather flock together, so look for your kind. No one is perfect, yes but you deserve friends that appreciate you and not depreciate you. The elders always say, ‘show me your friend and I will tell you who you are.’
  It just doesn't happen between mutual friends, It could be in a work environment, a marriage or an intimate relationship, they are everywhere amongst us. They're usually the chatty, supposedly good looking and have it together people. Just take your time and observe your environment, you might notice one or even that you are one. Cheers!

Tuesday, October 13, 2015


  I woke up Tuesday morning, as I’m sure everyone does even before they hit the shower and after they pray (for those who do), I reached for my phone. Everywhere on Social media I was greeted with pictures and talks of it being a ‘NO BRA DAY’.
  It got me thinking. I understand the motive behind the day; to create awareness for breast cancer. What I kept thinking about, ok one of my many thoughts was ‘How does not putting on a bra help breast cancer?’
  Let’s look at this, I’m a dude, I see a lady with no bra on, will I think of breast cancer? Even a lady that sees another with no bra on won’t think of cancer. Some people on social media turned it into a sex game, some took pictures of themselves without their brassieres on and put it up as their profile pictures, some people turned it into a joke on breasts, shapes and sizes etc. Don’t all these defeat the purpose of this day?
  I’m supposed to go around braless reminding women who’ve had their breasts cut off due to breast cancer that they can’t do what I’m doing anymore?
  God forbid you lose a family member to breast cancer but if you have, this no bra day would seem stupid to you. How would this have helped prevent your family member from death?
  Cancer has no cure. For years millions and billions have gone into research for it. More money is still needed as the search for a cure continues. Yes you detect early, it gets taken out, you still have a high risk of it coming back.
  Ok, let me stop beating around the bush. I commend the efforts of whoever started the no bra day but has it helped create funds for research? Has it helped a breast cancer patient pay for treatment? It’s really expensive, believe me. Go into rural areas and see women with breast cancers and no money to pay for it.
  Ok, back to my questions; if you pass a local akara seller on the street with no bra on, will she understand the purpose? If you do it in a village, will they? If you do it, would it prevent that woman with early symptoms that’s running from one church to the other singing her enemies are after her from doing so and knowing what she has?
  It’s just me pondering in my mind as usual, instead of an ineffective and bastardised ‘No bra day’ in the name of breast cancer (Like we’d ask men to go without pants in the name of prostate cancer) why doesn’t it become ‘Donate to breast cancer day’. It’s clear what the purpose is for. It’s clear that it’s not for fun. It is for cancer.
  How do we get the money? There are charities dealing with breast cancer patients and research in every country round the world. Men and women can donate to these charities to help people in their communities. It can even be an online portal and you can donate through there. A dollar, just a dollar from people the world over will and can help with breast cancer research, help pay for a poor patient’s treatment, help with funds for seminars, ads, bills etc that can create awareness. Even if you can’t donate a farthing, be you man or woman, there are women around you, talk to one about breast cancer; it could be your colleague at work, the woman you buy food from at that buka around the corner or something. That way awareness is really created in the true sense of it.
  That’s what I think it should be ‘DONATE FOR BREAST CANCER DAY and not a no bra day. Cancer is real, prevention is great but we need to create awareness better and help with funds for the cure, which should be the goal, the cure. There are many talented researchers round the world, working day and night with practically no funding, searching for a cure.

  Ok, I end my pondering on the ‘NO BRA DAY’ here. Do tell someone about breast cancer, you don’t have to wait for a day when women walk around with nipples pointed through their outfits. Ok, I’m out for real this time. Cheers!

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Friday, September 25, 2015


Lies! Those little fabrications that can push down a mighty wall. We have all seen lies destroy things that took years to build. Be it a friendship, marriage or company. It all comes tumbling down. Lies are the chink in the armour. The oil in the water. It can kill once it has been uttered. If you like say, ‘I take back the lie.’ The damage has been done. God was aware of this that is why He added it in the Ten Commandments He gave to Moses.
  You might think it is just a little twist to the truth. One thing about lies is they are like cancer, it spreads. Therefore, from one tiny lie it grows to a giant monster chain of lies. I remember the story about the feathers, a basket of feathers was let into the air. It went everywhere. Gathering them back became impossible. Lies are the same. A rumour is a lie. Any fabrication from the truth is a lie. We often lie to protect what people think about us, to gain respect. To save our face before others. Therefore, we lie to either protect what relationship we have with them, so either we lie about ourselves or we lie to them about themselves.
Imagine a little boy who loves the ‘superman ‘comic. His mum tells him he is better than superman is. What did he do? He decides one day to fly. He jumps out his window; arms outstretched and falls to his death. He believed his mother. He died. His mother wept and wept. Please, who killed this little boy?
  Lies can be destructive. Imagine a boy and a girl in a relationship. Girl always tells boy that she loves him. She has another boy she loves too. She does not know how to tell boy1 because she wants to spare his feelings and not hurt him. One-day boy1 discovers about boy2. He feels betrayed, so he takes a gun to himself, girl and boy2. So, who is at fault here? I am trying to tell you that lies bring serious consequences. It does not go away.
  We all think we lie just to other people, not true. We also lie to ourselves. In fact, the lies we tell ourselves are more. Please refer to the article ‘the woman beater’ in this blog to see an example of how a woman lied to herself. You know you are not good at something but you lie to yourself that you are and you are surprised that you do not get rich. You know a friend has been talking about you behind your back but you tell yourself that it is not possible. In the end, it is too late and you end up disgraced and betrayed. Same thing for a partner who is swinging but you tell yourself, they love you so it aint true. You are not happy where you are but you tell yourself and everyone around you that you are. In the end, you are depressed and have a mental breakdown.
  Lies seem little but they are not. They are mighty like David was to Goliath. Yes, the truth is bitter and lying seems much easier. The thing about the truth is that it always comes out. It can never hide. No matter how many years and the things you do to hide it. It will come out. Do tell the truth, even if it is painful. Do not hurt yourself and others with that lie. Yes, with the truth they might not speak to you for ages. It is better you stay true to yourself and who you are. There are people who would appreciate you that way. If you tell someone a truth about himself or herself and they shun you, with time they would be happy you did. Always listen to the little voice of truth in your head and never suppress it. Lies do not, have not and will never pay. So, tell the truth.

Friday, July 24, 2015


 As humans we have various factors that shape our perception. It ranges from family background, environment, books read, things seen and experienced to our friends. In every topic, no matter how popular a particular view is, there is always a minority that disagrees with the popular view.
If everyone had the same views then we’d never have arguments and discussions as we all try to push our view as the right view.
  Yes, we humans love our views and to most their views are right. Arguments and discussions are a great way to learn and discover how people reason or what they think about things. 
Ok, I always love stories, so here’s a brief one;
Stella and Janet chew on their popcorn as they continue their gist about Tolu’s wedding. Immediately, Janet’s phone beeps. She takes a look at it and laughs.
‘Babe, na wetin na?’ Stella asks, curious.
Janet still laughing reads it out;
‘You and your man are walking down the street and a stranger taps your bum. Ladies what would you want your man to do? Fellas, what would you do?’
‘Oya na , Janet what do you want Femi to do?’
‘Defend me as my man, of course.’ Janet shouts excitedly.
‘As for me, I’ll definitely turn back and punch the guy.’ Stella says, mouth filled with popcorn.
‘Stella, what are you saying?  That’s what your man is for.’ Janet’s eyes nearly pop out in disbelief.
‘It’s more of a reflex action. I didn’t learn karate for nothing.’
Janet drops the popcorn in her hand back into the bowl slightly offended. ‘What then is your man there for? You have to wait for him to make a move first. If he doesn’t then you do.’
‘Like I said, I’ll punch him out of reflex.’
Janet adjusts on the seat. ‘That’s the problem with you. You’re a woman. Your man’s role is to protect you not yours.’
Stella looks at Janet confused. ‘That’s what I’d do. You’re Janet, I’m Stella.’
‘The way you reason is not good. So if you have a man in the house, you’ll go and carry your gen and put it on? Act like the woman that you are. That’s what any woman would do, let him defend her.’ Janet’s voice rose.
‘How’s that working out for them?’ Stella retorts.
‘Stella, why you taking it personal?’
‘Janet, it’s what I, Stella would do.’
‘It’s wrong!! Your reasoning is weird. It’s not good.’  Janet responds in full combatant mode.

  Ok, I’ll end it there.  It’s very easy for a discussion to turn from an exchange of views into a trial of character with; ‘That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard? ‘, ‘who reasons like this?’, ‘what planet are you from?’, ‘that’s the problem with you?’, ‘you need to change your reasoning.’ I could go on and on. It turns into disrespect of not just views but of the person with the views. Even if we’re certain that the person’s views are wrong and can be damaging to them, we can tell or show them without disrespecting them.
  We also forget that people have a choice of keeping their views to themselves but they made a decision to share it with us. That is enough reason not to disrespect them. If they didn’t share you wouldn’t know to put them on trial for it.
  Let me not even go into how some people who feel they are grand guardians of the Bible, Quran, society, etc talk to and treat those they feel are stepping outside what they feel is right. There are better ways of doing things, really.
  I know a dude that dropped a friend because every time a discussion came up, the friend made him feel like there was something wrong with him, he got tired. I don’t blame the guy. If you can’t air your views freely to friends who can you air them to?
  Be they friend, acquaintance, foe, you should treat their views how you’d like yours treated, no disrespect to self. Unless it’s your nine year old daughter telling you there’s nothing wrong with her having sex and getting an abortion. Lol! Cheers!

Friday, July 10, 2015

IT’S NONE OF MY BUSINESS A.K.A e no concern me.

  When asked,’What is the problem with Nigeria?’ every man on the street would tell you ‘our leaders’ ‘bribery and corruption’. True, we all agree but do you know the root of this problem, the cankerworm we are battling in this country? I hope you’d understand in a bit.

  As a little boy, John was told by his mum when he pointed out that his friend; Sean had no sandals ,to mind his business. Anytime, little John spoke to his mum about their neighbours she’d tell him to mind his business that he and members of his family should be his only concern. As a strapping lad of fourteen, the local chemical plant was up in flames and John fetched a bucket to go help out, his mum cried and begged him. ‘My son, do you want to kill yourself because of another man’s company? It’s not your father that owns it. There is no member of our family in that fire. If you die they will not care. It’s none of our business, it doesn’t affect us in any way, and so, why do you want to die?’ John sat back at home. The local chemical plant burnt down.

 At school, John would see his mates during exams bring in their notebooks and pay the teachers to teach them in the hall. His friend, Tayo came to meet him for them to go report to the Principal. He remembered his mother’s steady words. He told Tayo, no, that it was none of their business; theirs was to pass their papers too. If others chose to use that means, it was their business and by reporting them they’d get into trouble with their teachers. Tayo sat back down. In his final year at school, John, Tayo and some friends decided they were going to break louvers and some school property to mark their graduation. A friend of theirs reminded them to think about the juniors that would need those same things they planned to destroy. John told him it was their business and not his, that he’s living his life to the fullest.

  John’s mum was in the crowd when a group of young boys were branded thieves, like the many others in the crowd, she didn’t open her mouth because to her ‘Thank God my son is not one of them. Poor boys! Well, it’s none of my business. I don’t know any of them.’ This thought of hers was the same thought, every single woman, man and child had there.  She went back home thanking God her son was not there.

  Little John enters the University, the lecturers ask them to pay money before they pass their papers, John pays his, when he is approached by some fellow students to follow them to the dean’s office, he tells them it’s none of his business. He gets into the faculty parliament. He sees what the parliamentarians are doing wrong that affects other students, he looks the other way. It has nothing to do with him, it doesn’t affect him and he’s getting paid for each sitting. The affected people should deal with their business.  The school asks for cultists that killed a professor of the school, John knows one of them but he reasons. ‘The man is not my father, uncle nor brother. I don’t know him or any of his family members, besides, Uyoma gives me protection. It’s all none of my business.

  John graduates, gets a job and rises fast. A post opens up in his company, a government outfit, an uncle sends his son who is the least qualified candidate and John gives him the job. To John, it’s in the family, he knows none of the other candidates, and it’s none of his business. The new employee comes in and they cart money away meant for public use to take care of their family. Do they know who the public is and how is that their business?  They laugh over drinks.

  John gets married and has kids. He pays his way in his office and gets a promotion to Abuja. His son, John Jr is not so bright, John pays the teachers to up his grades. He’s cheating nobody and helping his son, that’s his business. John joins a political party and gets into the House of Representatives. He looks out for himself and his family really well. What’s his business with the public? Who are they to him? A foreign company needs rights for their new aviation line. The planes are old planes. John helps them out and they commence business. John buys a house in London and moves his family down there. A company comes they want the contract for road construction, John helps them out. He hears the roads are horrible. Well, he and his family don’t go by road so what’s his business.

  Yes, multiply one John with over 140,000,000 Johns and then you get the problem with Nigeria. No one cares to make a statement, take a stand as long as it doesn’t concern them. The people sing the problems are the leaders. Blame goes both ways. You reading this post are the problem, I writing I’m the problem, the cobbler down the street is the problem, your hairdresser is the problem, every single Nigerian home or in the Diaspora, we are the problem. Little drops of water make a mighty ocean is so true with the Nigerian problem. Our leaders are a tiny fragment of it. Every man for himself. We practise the O.Y.O (on your own) system very well. We don’t do anything unless we have something to gain. We can’t even help our neighbour because he is not family. I sit up and see my generation scream, the old generation is the problem, I look at what we do, the level of depravity, the thrifty habits, the death of some languages /culture because of the encroachment of westernization which should be a good thing and our habits, our self-centred, crowd mentality disease and I look inside my mind for an image of the future in my time and I cringe but then I smile because I know some good young people too. We and only we can change the Nigerian problem by changing ourselves and the little world around us. So, start by sharing in that blame and look to the solution, reach out and lend a hand to your neighbour. Nigeria, is not an individual or a group of individuals, she is made up of different people and hearts, over 140,000,000 of them, irrespective of their tribe and religion.
  It is my business, yours and theirs. E concern all of us.

Friday, July 3, 2015


  It’s been ten years and a child has eluded Nike like the elixir of life. She’s tried everything. Her in-laws give her hell. Neighbours call her barren, even her friends; laugh at her behind her back. 

  Pounding the pavement is an understatement in Jeff’s case, he’s broken the pavement. Four years after graduating with a first class and still no job experience to add to his resume. His bank account is in red. In his pocket is the last money he has; a lone fifty Naira note, given to him by a sympathetic akara seller in his neighbourhood.

  Jane has gone from one relationship to the other. They all ended badly. ‘
“Doesn’t true love exist anymore?”
She asks herself as she attends yet another friend’s wedding. Age thirty is around the corner. Her parents are getting worried. Well, so is she.

  To everyone, Dotun is super lucky. He’s handsome, rich, uber successful. Unknown to them there’s pain behind the smile. He has cancer. The doctors have given him just a year.

  Samuel moves from one audition venue to the other. The judges are always impressed with his performance.
“Wow! That was really good.”
He goes home but never ever gets a call back. It’s been six months since his last gig.

I don’t know the hurricane you’re going through right now.  It doesn’t just rain around you, it pours and you can’t take it anymore.
As a believer, irrespective of your religion, there will be trials that test your faith. 
You wonder why God is letting it happen.
Remember the story of Job in the bible. The devil looked at Job and said to God. (Pardon my improvisation)
“Big G, he’s praising you because he’s got it all smooth.  Let me at him a lil.”
“Show me what you’ve got” God tells him.
The devil so dealt with Job that death seemed like mercy but Job stood with God. God told the devil it was enough and went on to bless Job with multiples of all he had lost.

Some things you should know: 
God loves you, even if it looks otherwise. 
He will never give you more than you can handle. He sees you.
He wants to use your situation so others will look at your overcoming it and praise His name.
Even if friends desert you, God won’t.
He’s listening, call on him.
  Whatever your trial may be, tough times never last but tough people do. You will bend but you will never break. Don’t give up.
Remain blessed!

Friday, April 17, 2015


   What do I mean by eggs in a basket? It does not mean when you carry actual chicken eggs and put them all in a basket. It is an idiom. They say, “Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.' the reason is , if you drop that basket all your eggs would break at once. It’s one expression lots of people take to heart. It is used aptly these days in relationships. It is a case of uncertainty and insecurity if you ask me but it is also a case of being smart. I owe you a story, so here it is;
   Dupe is a banker with one of the new generation banks in Lagos. She meets Lekan, who is an insurance broker. They fall in love and start a serious courtship. 
   One day, 

Wednesday, April 1, 2015


   Blind dates are officially the worst.
   Why did I let Kels drag me into going on this one? I don’t do blind dates, ever. Tessa, calm down. Just smile at him and pretend you’re interested.
   Did Kels, even look at this guy before setting me up with him? She knows the kind of guys I like. Yes, that I’m looking for my Johnny, husband, hubby, whatever, doesn’t mean I should be set up with this. My tastes haven’t changed. That I’ve decided to stick to a person doesn’t mean he should look like this. Oh, wait o, Tessa, is Kels trying to say that I have to settle, that only guys who look like this one will be willing to marry me.
   The restaurant is nice though, so is this yummy plate of Pasta Alfredo. Yum yummy yum! This man before me not yum, one bit. To think I wore my favourite LBD for this thing.
   I’m going to bitch slap Kels when next I see her. I’m sure she’s laughing her heart off. Wait, was Uzo in on this? I’ll kill them both. Who needs besties anyway?
   Tessa, smile again, so he’d think you’re listening; nod your head too in interest. Perfect! He bought it.
I should get the recipe of this pasta from the chef, it’s heavenly.
   I like men. Ok, I love men and that’s just for their basic equipment which my new dildo seems to be handling the job quite well. I don’t love all men that much I know. I like my men tall, well built and most importantly well hung. I’ve never really cared about the brain matter but I do now, if I’m going to be spending forever with one.  This man is a funny caricature of my perfect man; he’s short, round and ugly, I’m sure his little Johnny, penis, sausage, wiener; (lol) is as tiny as my little finger. To top it all off he’s a woman wrapper.
What does woman wrapper mean again sef? Not that he chases women, the opposite; he won’t just shut the fuck up about his ex. Jeez! Kels owes me big time.
   I come on a date to be the centre of attention and the guy; look at him, then take a slow good look at me (lol), who’s meant to be grateful to have been set up on a date with a gorgeous goddess like moi, has spent the past one hour of dinner talking about some girl, I don’t care to remember her name.
   Ok Tessa, give him another, I’m listening smile. What! No, no is he about to....this grown up man is crying. Na wa o! I wish I could disappear from here. People are beginning to stare. I will kill Kels! Tessa, touch his arm, say something, ok, do something. I’ve never seen grown men cry.
‘It’s ok.’ I patted his arm
‘No, it’s not!’ he’s crying harder.
   Mehn, this is not just it. The girl must have do am strong thing. Wait, wetin be his name again? He said it then...OC? Nope! OJ? Nope! Owu? Olu! That’s it.
‘Olu, I don’t think she deserves you.’
‘I’m the one that didn’t deserve her!’
   Chai! His cry have increase o. Tessa do something. I’m not Dr Phil, Oprah or some relationship expert. Which kain wahala be dis one? I’ve got it.
‘Olu, you’re a successful, good looking and honest man. You’re in touch with your feminine side. A lot of women will die to have a man like you.’
   I should win an Oscar or Join Nollywood. Tessa, idi good. His Niagara Falls is drying up.
‘Yes! Who wouldn’t want a man like you?’
‘But Onyinye left me for him.’
‘That’s her loss.’
   I wouldn’t mind another plate of Pasta. Tessa focus! He just said something.
‘I’m serious Olu. Let’s bet it, she’ll come running back.’
   I hope this lie doesn’t haunt me. He’s shown me a picture of the man she left him for. If it were me, I will never come back to Humpty Dumpty (lol). Tessa Focus!
‘You really think so?’
   Thank God! His crying has stopped. Why would a man cry for a woman? Maybe her pussy was sweet. Or he never believed he could get that kinda girl. Or he’d spent so much on her. Or he’s just a woman in a man’s body. Wait o, why is he staring at me? Oh, my reply.
‘Yes. Do you know what I think? You should join a gym; build your confidence, so that next time she sees you, she’ll want to die with regret. ‘
   He’s smiling. Awwww!
‘Thank you, Theresa.’
‘You’re welcome. I have something to tell you but you didn’t hear it from me. Kelechi, our mutual friend, I think she likes you.’
‘She does?’
‘She always talks about a certain Olu, who is loving and caring that she likes but he was into some other girl.’
‘I like Kelechi and...
‘Remember, you didn’t hear it from me.’
   His face is lit with hope and purpose. Tessa, you are a miracle worker. This is better than bitch slapping Kels. (Lol)Oh my God! Well played, Tessa. Well played. This will teach her to set me on a date with a man-woman.  When did the waiter get here? Olu’s lips are moving. They are big o. Tessa, focus!

‘ you care for?’
‘Care for?
‘I was asking if you’d like anything else.’
‘Yes, please. Another plate of this Pasta Alfredo and a ginger cocktail.’
   Olu smiles again. Well, it wasn’t a disaster after all, I feel good about myself. Thirty minutes and I’m out of here. What’s he saying again?
‘Can we be friends?’
‘Of course we can, Olu.’

   HELL NO! Where’s the waiter with the food?

You reading, you do understand that all content on this site are copyrighted, my intellectual property and can’t be lifted off into any other form of media? Ok, we’re cool. 

Wednesday, March 25, 2015



 The Nigerian Presidential election is here. Nigerians will stroll out in their hordes to change the course of their country. In a way, there’s no greater power than that. It’s rightly said that to whom much is given, much is expected. To every Nigerian wielding a PVC sword, much is expected of you.
    Let’s look at the reasons you shouldn’t think of before you strike your blow;
TRIBE:  please take the tribe of the contestant out of it. Tribalism has been one of the biggest issues Nigeria has ever had and still has. You owe your allegiance to a country and not a tribe. Nigeria is a country, not a tribe. Don’t vote for a candidate because he or she is from your part of the country.
LANGUAGE:  Naturally tribe leads me into language. There’s nothing sweeter than hearing someone address you in a language you call yours, be it English or some native tribe. You feel like they’re family.
RELIGION:  Another cankerworm that won’t leave this country alone. Religion has destroyed our nation a lot. You’ll be doing the wrong thing if you decide to vote a candidate because you like his religion and it’s the same as yours. Religion sincerely doesn’t influence a man’s character. We all know that even though we love to ignore the truth about religion and what people in it do.
AGE:  Age is really nothing but a number. That someone is young doesn’t mean they have anything to offer you, that they’re old, same thing. One’s age, really doesn’t show what one has to offer you. Capability and character has nothing to do with age.
POLITICAL PARTY:  I like umbrella! I like broom! Please, before you decide that you like one political party or the other and want to vote for their candidate, do check their track record. What have they offered in all the states they were present in? What kind of development did they effectuate? Forget who and who are in the party that you don’t like but what the party can offer because sincerely any candidate you put in has a party behind him, checking(dictating) his moves.
EDUCATION: Education we all know doesn’t mean one is educated and learned. There are some qualities going to school doesn’t give you. The level of their education shouldn’t matter.
 THE VPS, WIVES, ADVISERS AND PEOPLE AROUND THEM: try and investigate the characters of the individuals around them. Who gives them advise, who do they listen to? A man or woman doesn’t rule alone.
   After the elections and your candidate doesn’t win and you decide to go on a rampage, kill people, injure them, and destroy properties of the supposed members of the opposition, SHAME ON YOU!!! You’ll be a total disgrace to Nigeria, your children; born and unborn. The candidates you’d be causing mayhem for won’t come and join you in doing it. They’d even disassociate themselves from you. THEY DON'T KNOW YOU.
   There’s one thing you should know about this coming elections; IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU!!! This election is about Nigeria, a country and not an individual, a group of individuals or a party.
   Questions you should ask yourself are; what does Nigeria need? What are the problems killing Nigeria and who can bring a faster solution to those problems?
   The most important questions of all are; What Nigeria do I want my children and children unborn to grow up in? How will my decision of a candidate affect this country? Where does Nigeria deserve to be in the next four years?
   A peaceful election depends on YOU. A peaceful post election also depends on YOU. If your candidate doesn’t win, be a patriotic Nigerian and don’t destroy Nigeria for your selfish reasons or theirs.
   As a Nigerian, it is your right, civic duty and responsibility to vote but more importantly it is your patriotic duty to weigh seriously the decision of who to vote before you cast that vote.


Thursday, March 12, 2015


‘Tessa what are you doing here o? ‘
   I hate going to the mall in the evening. It’s always like a market square, ok, worse than that.  It’s four pm and yet... I don’t know what mum sees in this mall’s bread. She begged me to buy it and now I’ve been told the bread is not ready, I have to wait for two hours. God knows if I leave now, I’d never come back which has led me to this fast food to enjoy this tasteless minced pie.
   Some fast foods should be shut down. Don’t they taste what that? Yes it is. I hope he can’t see me? Nope! Another reason why I hate the mall, you see people you don’t want to see.
   He still looks good. I haven’t seen him in four years. Luke Ogbodo. I would have been married to him; I think or at least dated him if only he’d seen me. Why is my heart beating really fast? Should I go over and say hi before he sees me? Should I hide? Nah! He won’t be able to see me all the way from that fast food across with people passing in the middle.
   Luke was the one guy I ever really liked. We’d known for three years but our relationship never went past the bedroom. Yes God, the sex was great and kinky, really really great. I’m getting wet thinking about it. (Lol). I developed feelings and I told him I liked him, he said he liked me too. I’m never vulnerable, I don’t trust easily and I show no feelings but I did with him. I wanted more than just being fuck buddies. I thought he felt same.  I was invited to a party by a guest and that’s how I met Bola. She could talk sha. I’ve never met anyone that meets you within an hour and downloads her personal file to you.
   One night after three rounds of mind blowing sex, he began to ask me how my day went. I didn’t feel like talking but he kept asking so I told him I ran into a mutual friend called Bola Adeyinka. He sat up fast in bed and asked;
‘I pray you didn’t make me look bad before her? Did you tell her about us?’
   Something died in me that night. I told him no and he went on that he hopes so. I told him she said he likes her that they met at his place two days before and they kissed and stuff. He didn’t deny it. He told me he really liked her that it didn’t mean he didn’t like me too but she’s loving and caring. She’s very playful and fun to chat with. She gets him that he wants to be a friend to her and if I told her about us it would hurt her. She’s had so many bad things happen to her and she’s learning to trust him though her problem was that he had too many girls around him. He wants to be close to her and be someone she can rely on even if they don’t date and he would never hurt her, if they date then it’s God’s will that he really hopes I said nothing.
   I assured him I didn’t because I didn’t and I prayed things work out for them.
   Kels told me I was very stupid that I should have told him the truth. The truth was and is that Bola is bisexual. She was more of a lesbian because she enjoyed sex more with girls. (Lol). I told her nothing about Luke and I and I told Luke nothing about her female lovers.
   Kels insisted then that I should have at least fought for him. I think that’s stupid. I might be a sex freak but I want what my mum and dad had; real love. Someone that likes you and just you, you don’t question if they do or not, it’s evident by their actions besides, who wants to play second fiddle or be a back up for some other girl?
‘Tessa you’re getting emotional o!’
   But it’s true. I want acceptance, some guy that looks at me and knows it’s me he wants. His telling me all that told me the answer I sought; I was just a fuck buddy to him, always was, always will be. She was the ONE to him.
   One thing Kels doesn’t understand till date is, you don’t and should never compete for a guy. That’s going stupid. Choose a person that chooses you. If he wants some other girl, pull out of the picture and let him have her.
‘Tessa you don turn relationship counsellor for your mind. (Lol)’
   Luke and Bola were perfect for each other. He had a saviour complex that only wanted timid pour my problems on you girls that he could save and Bola had the damsel in distress, let me tell you my deepest problems so you can like me syndrome (lol).
   They’ve been married, three years now. I guess Bola realised he was the perfect cover and Luke could never divorce her cause he had an image to protect. Maybe he knew she was bi and thought his mojo and love could save her and be enough (lmfao).
   Kels told me, he found out about Bola’s recent girlfriend, some hot Brazilian chic. He caught them in bed. The news is about town.
   Kels can be funny sometimes, asking me if he comes back for me, would I take him. HELL NO!  Who wants a Tokunbo man? Because the love of your life that you chose turns out to be a mistake, you now remember the poor girl you left behind. Lol!
   I’m six feet of gorgeousness. I’m stubborn,i'm confident, I love sex, I’m crazy, I’m kind and loving if you show it first, I’m a believer of actions not words, anyone who gives up all of this for all of whatever, doesn’t deserve a second of my time.
‘Wait! Did Kels tell him I’ll be here????’
   Thank God, he’s leaving. He’s aged ten years in just three years. I pity him...pity! That’s why my heart was beating fast. Poor Luke!
   I have a blind date next tomorrow. All part of my Johnny quest thanks to Uzo and Kels who sings I have to meet men, go on dates. (Lol)
‘I wonder what he’d be like. There are lots of crazy men in this town sha.’
One hour more to burn here before the infamous bread gets ready. Tessa, you should have just seen a movie.

You reading, you do understand that all content on this site are copyrighted, my intellectual property and can’t be lifted off into any other form of media? Ok, we’re cool. 

Friday, February 27, 2015


  Hmmmm! That feels really good. Just a little bit to the left, now right. I’m almost there. Oh this is it. Dear God! This is.....What the fuck?
  Tessa, rearrange fast.
‘No work today?’
‘Mum, you can’t just enter my room like that now.’
  God, please don’t let her see James. I’d do hundred Hail Mary’s. I’ll even sweep the church for a month. This woman should go now. She’s still standing there, looking at me suspiciously.
‘You look feverish. Tessa are you sick?’
  Is she reaching out to tuck me in? James!
‘No! I’m fine mummy. I slept late that’s why.’
‘Nne, you work too hard. Let me warm the leftover pepper soup for you.’
‘Mum don’t stress yourself.’
  Why is she laughing?
‘If I don’t take care of you, is it your dead father I’ll take care of?’
‘Don’t move. I’ll be back with the soup.’
  Pheeew! That was close. I love mum to bits but she has a problem with boundaries. I can just imagine her reaction if she’d seen James, my giant dildo inside me as she opened the door. (Laugh). Thank God for bed sheets and duvets.
  I’d agreed with my besties; Uzo and Kels, to hold on for the right guy. Well, doesn’t mean I can’t have sex any other way. A dildo isn’t a man. Is using a dildo, fornication? Nah! It isn’t a person, no sin here. Now, where was I? This battery better not die on me today.
That feels.....Not again!
  My virginal sister, arms akimbo, disapproving look on her face staring down at me.
‘Is it that everyone in this house has a problem with knocking?’ I thundered as I dove for cover.
‘Tessa, you shouldn’t use that demonic thing.’
  Is she about to cry?
‘What demonic thing?’
  Let’s see if she can say the name.
‘That thing!’ She pointed at James.
‘What thing Joan?’
Ok, Tessa, no laugh. So, because person na virgin, im no fit call Peepee, Penis, Toto, Junior, Dick...Tessa, concentrate.
‘Can’t you say it?’
‘That disgusting thing!’
  Ok, time to push. Let me put it in my mouth. If it was possible for Joan to have a heart attack at twenty-seven, she just did.
  The door swung open at her shrieking. Mum dropped the pepper soup on seeing me. Chai! What lie do I tell now?
That’s my, you’re in trouble name.
‘Yes ma.’
  I use ma when I know, I’m in trouble.
‘What was that thing in your mouth?’
  We gather round the dining table whenever anyone’s in trouble. If I could slap Joan without arousing suspicion, I for brush am teytey. See her eyes like cat own. I’m sure she’s dying to see how I get out of this. My mum still thinks I’m a virgin.
‘Theresa, I’m talking to you.’
  Mum looks prettier angry. How come I’ve never noticed?
‘Mum, it’s her thing?’
‘Thing for?’ my mum asked.
‘It’s my cheek massager.’
  If Joan doesn’t close her shocked mouth, I swear, I’ll slap her for real.
‘Cheek massager kwa?’
‘Yes mum. Remember I told you I was tired. I had pains round my tooth and my cheeks hurt, so it helps with the pain.’
  Hmmm! If my mum, knew what she’s inspecting all over was the oyibo version of a penis that can do things (laugh).
‘Don’t put it in your mouth!’ Joan screamed.
‘Mum, it can’t be shared.’
‘Yes ma!’ Joan and I replied.
‘It’s like a toothbrush, it can’t be shared.’ I added
‘Why does it look like a man’s organ?’
  Mum try pass Joan sef.
‘You know this oyibo people can be funny.’
  We laughed different shades of laughter. Lol!
‘In that case, buy me one for Father Sixtus. His toothache......’
  Ok, I’m in my head again and I’ve zoned out. Joan looks like she’s about to puke. Dear God, what will be the headline:  “REV FR. CAUGHT WITH DILDO IN MOUTH, CALLS IT CHEEK MASSAGER”
Tessa, think, think.
‘It’s out of stock! Joan to the rescue.
‘Yes mum, it is. They were checking the reception in the Nigerian market.’ I buttressed.
‘Ok dear. Joan, no work?’
‘It’s public hol.’
‘Good! Tessa, go back to bed, let me make fresh pepper soup.’
Ok, let me warn Joan with my eyes before she spills. She’ll get the message. Perfect! She did.

  I’m taking a sex break on men and now my James is on one too. There’s Mr Right out there, but where?
Check me out in this short film:

Please vote for my friends nominated for the AMVCAs i beg thee. Voting ends this saturday 28th February at midnight.

Kehinde Bankole( the pretty dimpled cheek teacher in October 1) for best actress in a drama

Wole Ojo (have you seen Maami featuring Funke Akindele. The short film 'Brave'?) for best actor in a Drama

Kelechi Udegbe (have you seen the Officer Titus series? He's officer Titus) for best actor in a comedy

Thank you and God bless you as you vote and share with your family, friends and acquaintances. Cheers! 

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