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Monday, November 25, 2013


  Ije had had her bad luck with men. She’d seen them all and she was tired. Luckily ,Love wasn’t done with her. Jesse came along and they fell madly in love. Ije couldn’t believe it. He was perfect. Everything she’d always wanted in a man. That little voice in her head kept her looking for warning signs. Jesse was handsome and the ladies loved him. He loved to socialise and the ladies swarmed round him like bees every time.  Jesse was madly in love with Ije, she was the only woman he had asked out. He always looked for ways to get away from the women to get to her. Ije didn’t know all these. Certain women amongst them made more serious moves. Ije began to wonder if there was something going on between one or two of them and Jesse. Her mind went wild with it. She tried hard not to show it. She didn’t doubt him nor mistrust him but she was scared. She wondered if he was going to leave her for one of them, if she wasn’t interesting enough. She tried hard not to let it bother her. She didn’t know if asking him straight up was the answer or finding a way to table it.
  Every time without planning it, the questions would slip ‘When last did you speak to her?’ ‘Are you guys such close friends?’  ‘When last did you see her?’  Jesse didn’t understand she wasn’t questioning his fidelity but her insecurities from her past relationships were catching up with her. He never helped matters; he never reassured her as a woman should be that she was his number one. He felt she was a big girl, they were friends and she should know there’s nothing there.
 The questions kept coming every time. Jesse got angry with her. He felt she really didn’t trust him.
  Jealousy is no respecter of person. You’d see men and women from the different stratas of society that go through their partner’s things. They try to read between the lines. They follow their partners around. If a member of the opposite sex so much as smiles at their partners their antennae goes up and the suspicions start building in their minds.
  Jealousy is human nature. How you let the jealousy consume you is what matters. That someone else pays attention to your partner doesn’t mean your partner is cheating unless your partner is the doer. Even then, they might just be friends.
  If you want to stop it, remember the saying ‘...keep your enemies closer?’ make the suspect your friend too. Invite them over and all. Let your partner meet with him or her in your presence. Make yourself available to go out with them and act normal. If the other person had any intentions in mind, they’d back off.
  If someone else finds your partner attractive and fun to be with, you should be singing ‘isn't she lovely, isn't she...’ because she comes home to you at night, he does same, you are the person she spends Valentine with, the person she tells her worries and vice versa. It should even make you grateful that this person chose you and make you treat your partner better and not take them for granted. Keep them interested, maybe you’ve grown too comfortable and you don’t look sexy anymore,you don’t bath for a day, you wear the baggies more,you are growing a pouch mister ,you don’t give it like you used too and you don’t go out on dates. Wake up before the new friend they got innocently wakes them up first.
  If you are the one with the jealous partner, then thank your stars your partner still likes you enough to get jealous. When you should really get worried is when they don’t bat an eyelid at all. Maybe you tell him you’re going out for drinks with a man ,even if it’s a business drink and he doesn’t ask who and where you going and vice versa, then you should just pack your bags and leave. No human being no matter how logical, strong and all that doesn’t get jealous, no matter how hard they try to hide it, when it comes to the man or woman they are in love with.
  You could help kill the jealousy by reassuring your partner (yes ,they are human). Introduce them to this person and all. That you love them doesn’t mean they shouldn’t have friends of your sex.
  Ermm, if it gets physical or obsessive this jealousy of theirs, it is time to run for your life if the reassuring and all else doesn’t work.  If you are a woman and he raises his hands on you every time you smile at another man or talk to one, take off your heels and run for your life. That is unhealthy jealousy and it is not your fault.
  We all get a little bit jealous sometime. This brings me to my pondering. If you are jealous will you tell your partner? Won’t you be scared that they’d think you don’t trust them? Don’t you also think they’d take advantage of your feelings if they knew how jealous you were? Won’t you be thought of as small minded and petty and lose respect before their eyes? Is telling them healthy? I know as the writer, I should have answers to all these for you but sadly, I am at a loss and would love to hear from your personal experiences and thoughts. So, which of the above would you think and do? That’s true, we were made in God’s image and he is a jealous God, go figure.

Friday, November 1, 2013


‘Do we look like age mates?’
‘You have no respect for elders.’
‘Look at this little girl addressing me like her mate.’
‘Do you know how old I am?’
‘I am your senior and you don’t talk to me that way.’
'My youngest sister is older than you.'

 Have you had any of the above said to your face before or maybe you were the speaker? Seriously, does the age thing really matter?
  You work in an office and you are all equals, colleagues but maybe unfortunately for you, you are the youngest. You would see how you’d be treated in that office. They’d treat you like the baby. The bulk of the job is dropped on your desk. When they have discussions your point of view will not be counted. If you know something on the job more than they do and you let them know it, they remind you of your age. It doesn’t matter if you were trying to help. It doesn’t happen everywhere but if sadly for you, you come in contact with people who have low self esteem and feel insecure with themselves; your age which is younger than theirs only reminds them. They feel insulted and angry not with themselves but with you for trying to rub shoulders with them and doing the same job they do at your age. They treat you like the enemy.
  It’s not right to bring up the age matter. The person, no matter how young, is not your sibling.  You don’t demand they respect you for your age. It’s their prerogative not yours. I know people would start with the 'we are Africans' mantra. Yeah, great, respect yourself and that young person and they will accord you your respect. You see supposed older people that because of your age accord you no single atom of respect, they belittle you and yet they want you to give them respect, if possible kneel down and kiss their feet. Don’t you see something wrong with that picture? It’s more annoying when you all are colleagues or you are their boss or you don’t know them from Adam.  You can’t say your mind to them and everything you do is evaluated with should someone beneath me tell me such things.
  If you feel the younger person disrespects you, ask yourself why? That you got into the world first doesn’t make you more knowledgeable nor does it make you perfect or better. People lose out on so much by looking at people through their age. If the person is a colleague and you resent them or their youthfulness, check yourself. It’s not their fault that you are colleagues. They didn’t place you at the level you are. It should even be a wake-up call to you to do better and not for you to rub it in their faces like it's a big deal.
  You make yourself the fool every time and anytime you use any of the above line. You don’t force people to respect you. You don’t force people to listen to you. Hey, I’m not referring to parents here. Ok, though sometimes they may be wrong but those ones we certainly owe them that respect. You could have been aborted or thrown away.
  If your number looks bigger it doesn’t automatically grant you all the knowledge in the world and the Wisdom of Solomon. Sometimes, you have to bring yourself down and be humble, it’s in that you find respect. You are not a walking encyclopaedia. You don’t know what you can gain or learn from that supposed stupid young person. Leave your numbers behind and bring yourself out and be open. We just use numbers to shield ourselves and cover our fears and insecurities.  How big is your number? Do you carry it around with you and let it weigh you down? Is your number bigger than mine? Does it matter to you?

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