The heart they say is a bitch and it decides whom it loves. Is it true? Don't we have a say in which human we fall in love with? When it goes awry and we choose someone stupid that falls short of our mark or breaks our hearts, we blame it on the heart. We had no choice in it. Is that the truth? We all hate to take the fall and admit we made a mistake, a stupid one at that so we look for someone to blame. In this case, we blame a tiny mass of muscles and arteries called the heart. Is the heart really the evil mastermind we make it out to be? Does it decide whom we love for us?
Imagine a friend, dating a guy who beats her every time, blaming it on love. She cannot leave because she is madly in love with him.
When Princess and Isaac first met, Isaac was charming and sweet. He paid attention to her, bought her gifts, took her out to exciting places. To be brief, he treated her like a real princess. As a girl and a human being, she fell for him. He was rich and successful at a young age. He already had an MBA and his own business. A few months into the relationship, she was over at his place for the weekend. They had a little tiff over her using his cell phone and forgetting to tell him when a call came in. They argued and before she knew it, he slapped her. According to her, he apologized repeatedly and bought her a gift to show how sorry he was. When she told her friend Edna about it, Edna did not want to hear what caused the argument; all she heard was
‘HE SLAPPED ME!’
That sentence kept reverberating in her head. She gave Princess the best advice she could as a friend,
‘Run like the wind before it’s too late.’
She said no that he loved her and she deserved it for what she did. Some months later, she came to visit Edna wearing the darkest shades Edna had ever seen. It was darker than Ray Charles’ was. She refused to take it off but when she did, Edna screamed. Her face was black and blue. It was so obvious because she is fair in complexion. Edna picked up her bag ready to go give Isaac a piece of her mind with male friends that would beat him up. Princess held her back so she could explain to her what had happened. She told her that she had gone to a fast food with Kelvin a mutual friend of theirs, when Isaac walked in with his friend, he saw her and stormed out the fast food. (Edna thanked God he did not make a scene at least.) She got to his place. She tried to explain to him that Kelvin was just a friend. He gave her three blows to the face. Edna stood up again ready to go over there and give the bastard a piece of her mind but she pleaded with her not to. She said Edna would make things worse, besides they had made up and he was sorry. That he is so in love with her that the thought of her being with another man drove him into a rage. Edna could not help saying,
‘Inferior, insecure man baby!’
Edna also could not believe her ears; she took a good look at her friend again baffled.
‘A man beats you up and you make excuses for him and to crown it all you pin it on LOVE?'
Edna tried so hard to make her understand that it was not right.
'A man who loves and respects you would not dare lay a finger on you.'
She tried to make Princess understand that it was not her fault, she deserved better and he might kill her one day. Princess refused to listen and told her if she would not get off the case, she would never come around anymore so Edna dropped it. Princess went back to him and Edna died a little bit because she was scared she knew what would happen.
Few weeks later, Princess called Edna up. They hooked up at a restaurant, Princess was so excited. She was really glowing. They were eating when Edna noticed it finally, a sparkling diamond engagement ring. Edna knew she was supposed to be all giddy with joy and scream congratulations but she was sad. She was about getting married to a woman beater. Edna could not bring it up that day so she waited until the next.
Edna reminded her of the previous incidents. As expected, Princess went into his defense that he was not bad because he laid his hands on her just twice a year. She caused the beating. It was her fault and she had forgotten all about it. He had promised her it would never happen again. Edna tried to reason with her again to no avail.
A week later, Edna receives a call from Kelvin to inform her that Princess was in the hospital. She drove over. Princess was in the ICU. Her face was a mess, she had two broken ribs and she had miscarried thanks to the beating. Edna broke down in tears when she saw her. Princess' father had Isaac arrested but he was soon released thanks to his father, who was a former chief justice. Edna was happy that Princess did not marry Isaac because she might have just ended up dead.
Princess kept asking Edna why she never noticed Isaac had a temper and was a woman beater. Edna could not tell her 'I told you so.' but was she blind all this while not to have noticed it. Princess blamed it on love once more, saying,
'You don’t choose whom you love. The heart has a mind of its own.'
That was the time Edna lost it.
'That’s just some excuse. The guy seemed perfect, showered you with gifts, attention and everything else a girl desired. To top it, he is young and handsome, so of course you chose him. YOU did, not your heart. So, don’t blame it on your heart. He laid his hands on you the first time and you stayed. He tried it again the second time and you loved him. If not that you lost your baby and nearly died, you would still be with him, so spare me all that love crap.'
Isaac came begging days later, Princess almost went back to him but her parents forbade the relationship and threatened to disown her if she went back to him. Edna couldn't blame them because children were supposed to bury their parents and not the other way round. Until this day, Edna thanks God for her friend's life because she is sure she would have been dead by now if she were married to him.
Now you see what I am talking about, she refused to take any blame for choosing this man but blames it on the heart. If she had died tomorrow or lost a part of her body, she would say she never saw it coming when the signs were there. Women beaters are a special crop of men whom I call insecure men with an acute case of inferiority complex. It starts with a slap, and then they will apologize and tell you they love you too much that they find it hard to control themselves and would not have touched you if you had not done what you did. Mind you, the apology comes with a gift but he would say all this. You end up believing him because you do not know what to say. You refuse to believe he is bad and you do this because you do not want to rock the boat. He would leave you for a while. The second time, he will increase from one slap to three or four. He tells you the same thing all over again. This time you will be the one apologizing because you bought the crap he told you the first time. If someone asks you what happened, you will say you fell down or you hit your face when you walked into the door. You become an expert liar for him. When he sees you are still hanging around, only God will save you the next time because he was just testing the waters with the previous two. The next one thanks to the fact that he knows you love him and you’d always forgive him and stick around , he’ll beat you within an inch of your ‘precious’ life. If you ask me, that was what happened to our dear Rihanna when Chris Brown beat her black n blue.
There are two types of them we have the physical beater which is the most common and we have the emotional/ psychological beater; this is the worse type , they kill your self esteem and your spirit, to them you are good for nothing and you start to believe it. If you find yourself in this situation, one advice, RUN!!! Run like a bat out of hell before it is too late. If you have a friend in this jam, it is time you called an intervention for her before she dies. If it’s a colleague at work, a course mate in school, a neighbor who always has a shiny, you can do something to help them, reach out. Remember, not all that glitters are gold. That shiny, suave, debonair exterior may be the costume for a monster hiding within.
If a guy slaps you, do not ever take it lying low. It is better to be single, happy and alive. It is that simple. Sad thing is there are women who buy this kind of men as the definition of love. Some of these women were brought up in families with abusive fathers, were raped and have so much psychological trauma that it seems normal to them. You would even meet one that keeps dating women beaters. She is like a magnet to them. These women might be successful in their careers but stay with this. They need your help and support. They need to build their inner self confidence. No woman confident internally and knows her real worth as a woman, a woman that respects herself and demands respect wouldn't stand for this. Show them love and counsel women who are victims of women beaters. They always have injuries, pain in some body part (some men beat women in non visible parts of the body) and always have a ready excuse for their injury or pain. Please, look around you today and save a life. Thank you!
