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Tuesday, July 30, 2013


 Are you a teenager or you have a child that is or a sibling that is, Do you have teens that live around you; church, mosque, place of worship, neighbour’s, school? Then you or they are invited to T.M.S (The Mold Seminars).
 It’s happening on August 10 at the Ikeja Youths Sports Centre. Get ready to have fun as you learn and understand yourself better as a teenager. This day is all about you as a teen. You get to ask questions to our speakers and the celebrity guests on identity. We want you to succeed and the key to that is to understand the most important person in your life, ‘YOU’
 The theme for the day is ‘FINDING TEEN ME!’
 The sub-topics for the day are;
1)    What defines who I am?
2)    My self definition and my personality.
3)    My National Identity and problem solving.
4)    The Media and my Identity
5)    Relationships and interactions: other’s perception of me and my identity.
Your speakers for the day, who’d be guiding you are;
1)    Adeleke David
2)    Kehinde Abioye
3)    Olaboludele Simoyan
4)    Dele Ayo Bankole
And yours truly,  Frances Okeke.

  Guess who our guests would be,why not find out that day. Sit and get entertained with thrilling dance performances by the TURNING POINT CREW and  THE TRANSFORMED GENERATION CREW and electrifying music by DJ FLAMES.
  Don’t miss the red carpet, because on that day, you are a star, a celebrity and we want to celebrate you. You are awesome and courageous, the sky is your limit because you are special and you dream big. We’d love to show you that.
  What are you waiting for? To be part of T.M.S, send your NAME and AGE to 08025292989 via SMS and you’ll get an invite. Seats are limited and entry is absolutely FREE.
We’d love to see YOU there.
Don’t keep this to yourself, tell your friends ,neighbours ,classmates and colleagues, Spread the T.M.S word! Need more info, simply send an SMS to 08025292989, ff @stimmeafrica or email us;

See you there!!!

Thursday, July 25, 2013


An unrequited love can affect your whole life. You will never forget it. It can affect your way of thinking, emotions, relationships, beliefs, actions and the list goes on. So, then how do you get over an unrequited love? What are the procedures?
· Accept it and yourself- it is not your fault. Love is a beautiful thing when reciprocated and we don’t tell our hearts whom to fall for or do we? (To be taken up in another post.) Understand it; it is not usually a conscious decision. They just do not love you.
· Distance- out of sight is out of mind applies in this case. Time heals all wounds plus distance. Do not call or anything. Make yourself scarce. Distance yourself from them, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Tell me it is harsh or it is the coward’s way. I have grown to realise, if I do not hear from nor see the person, I do not feel it, it dies and you can dedicate your time to yourself and meet new people you would never have seen because there is no thought of waiting for the person you love, when they are not in your life. I cannot emphasise this more. It worked for me.
· Enjoy life- learn to enjoy life without them. Be single and free. Discover yourself.
· Neediness- kill every spirit of neediness you have. You do not need another human being to be happy. Placing your happiness on them has made them important, so, they use it and take your for granted. You and not others can only determine real happiness for you. Believe me; it comes from self-love and respect. When you love yourself, you can love another. If, you love yourself, you would not put yourself through this.
· If you love them, set them free and be happy for them even if they do not love you. Remember, it is not their fault.
· Boundaries- if you want to stay just friends stay that way. Be honest and straight to the point. Do not lead people on, so clarify those boundaries. Do not say I love you then later change your mind. Be sure of what you want. Let it be known that you are not out for romance. ( well if you can stay friends, I possibly can't after I have been led on but if it is your thing do it but don’t do it with a hope of if this person is mine crap. Squash it like a bug!)
The truth is when you know who you really are. You would never stand for this. When you know your worth and understand the basic home truth about you and that, always someone better will come along and feel the same way you feel about them. So, take my advice and discover who you are, it helps in the decisions we have to take in life. I leave you with these words.

Let no one who loves be called unhappy. Even love unreciprocated has its rainbow.
- James Matthew Barrie

Tuesday, July 23, 2013


  What does the term ‘Having it all’ mean? For us women, it is defined as having a great career plus a man. Some say it is having the fame, a great body, a good-looking partner, money and a baby. ‘Having it all’ has also been divided into seven categories or must haves: wealth, prosperity, fulfilling purpose, love, health, connection to self and spirit, and breathing room. They have been termed the components of a balanced life.  Generally, it does boil down to two: having a great relationship and having a great career.
  Sometimes, you see people point at a woman and say ‘she has it all.’ She has beauty, brains and a career. The amazing thing is you hear this from men, ‘she has it all, what more can I offer?’ They feel intimidated by the independent woman. If you are in a relationship with someone like this maybe it is time to cut him or her loose.
 Of course, she has it all but she needs you. You are a plus to her having it all. They have all that but you. There are many men out there, who do not get intimidated. They celebrate, value and give you that push you need when you feel you are slipping by being there for you. Therefore, why stay with someone who feels threatened by you? The answer is we were taught that to have it all we must have a man. Do you really have it all when you are not happy with what you have? Successful men, love independent women by their sides; the power couple. You think you cannot have this or you believe you do not deserve it all? Of course you do. Never sell yourself short. Most of us have this in our subconscious, the belief that we do not deserve it and feel guilty when everything is good for us.
  You need to let go of any limiting beliefs about ‘having it all’ and finding the right one for you. You deserve a partner who supports, understands and encourages you.
  We often ask ‘why don’t I have it all?’ you need to sit back and ask yourself; what is my definition of ‘having it all’?’ what do I want? Am I happy in my professional life? The people in my life right now are they dragging me down? Are they part of the picture I see for myself? Yes, you can but you have to prioritize. You have to make room in your life for the partner of your dreams and that dream career. You get what you put in. Thank God for technology, so many things have been made easy. You cannot be too busy to have it all. If that work is killing you and you have no time for yourself, you really have to ask yourself; do I want this? In addition, learn to balance your life. Yes, it will be hard but always keep that dream in mind. ‘Having it all’ is going to take real effort on your part. Sometimes you will feel like quitting and the negative thoughts would crop back in ‘kill it.’ All your decisions should be based on ‘is this what I want for myself?’ One advice, do be realistic, do not wait all your life for a prince in the literal sense of the word. Do not pass through life in a motion. Know what you want and aim for it. Find a balance; some things and some people have to go.
  If you are happy with your life, where you are now, what makes you feel you do not have it all? I say this because the definition varies for different people. When you know what you want, prioritizing becomes easy. Did I forget, pray to your God? Do not forget heaven helps those who help themselves. Yes, I will say it again, you can have it all, the life you want; a great job, great friends and a great spouse. When you believe it, see it, work towards it. Do not expect to fold your hands, sit in your dead end job that you do not like and expect a change. Relationships take time so does a career. Do not go for what people think and expect you to have. Real women do not do that.
  Therefore, let me ask you the right question again, what do you want?

Saturday, July 20, 2013

The Mamaputt fiasco.


The argument was heated.
'Mama puts’ no bad. Dem beta pass all dis fast foods where you de go chop plenty junk dem call oyibo food. Before you know am you don get diabetes abi oyibo disease'
Dayo was screaming on top of his voice.
I was at Bisi’s house. The whole crew was there; Bisi, Dayo, Ingrid, Emeka, Amina and Blaise. We all stayed in the same estate and we’ve been friends since childhood. We were in the parlor.
Blaise, took over the discussion
'that’s not true. Most of these mama puts’ are not hygienic, only God knows in what conditions they prepare those meals. The surroundings they sell them in are even worse….'
'Guy, siddon! You no know wetin you de talk' Emeka interrupted
'you de form butty, you no be African?' He asked in disgust
'If you have N200, you will enter a buka and eat to your satisfaction. You could buy 5 wraps of Amala with Ewedu soup, plenty meat and change will remain for a bottle of mineral. Use that same amount and enter Mr. Biggs na only one meat pie u go fit buy.'
We the girls were watching a movie and listening to them. I am not adverse to Mama puts’. There was a time I ate in them every day. I would buy N50 rice for lunch.
'You’re wrong' Blaise replied. Emeka’s eyes widened in amazement.
'Guy, I don’t know why we’re arguing with him. Let’s just prove him wrong,' Dayo said. He was still busy playing a game on his psp.
'Ok, let’s go to a mama put with N200 for each person then to Mr. Biggs with the same amount' he suggested.
Ingrid stood up 'people, I have to be on my way home. Gist me how it went down later'
we all hugged and she left. Trust me, I was ready for free lunch I did not have to prepare myself so, I asked, 'which mama put do you guys have in mind?'
Emeka, Mr know everywhere, came to the rescue.
'I know a good one. It is the most popular in the area. Everybody loves her food. I eat there every day'
Bisi started laughing 'what do you mean by you eat every day there. Are you joking?'
'No! Her food is the best. People come from all over to buy her food. Her joint is close to that Maroon pry school.'
I remembered the place. There was a crowd every time I passed there. You would even see people coming down from their cars to buy food. Sometimes I saw people dragging for plates and things like that. I am an ardent Nigerian movie fan. That kind buka, I no de chop for dere o!
'Ok guys, let’s go.' Dayo dropped his PSP.
We went outside and got into Dayo and Blaise cars’. Did I forget to mention that D was Bisi’s brother? Off we went to Madam Sheri’s buka. They say her food is as good of that of Sheraton hotel, so, people gave her the name.
It was evening and the crowd was growing. The buka was a small shanty made of corrugated iron. It had a "food is ready" sign near the door with the menu written on it. Madam Sheri was beautiful but plump. She had three other girls working with her. The guys went to place their orders. Emeka, picked up plates, came back and asked
'Ladies, what will you have?'
Amina and Bisi both said Rice and plantain, me, I opted for a bottle of mineral water. I de fear o, thanks to movies. He ran back to the queue. Next thing, a quarrel started.
'Bros, you no de for line before. Na so you wan chance other people. Go for back o! Just respect yourself.' A fine, well dressed guy with sun shades on told Emeka
'No, vex o, im de here before. Na me and am come.' Dayo answered him.
The guy accepted it and backed down. I kept looking at the guy because there was something familiar about him. Then it clicked. He was Maxi, one of the reigning musicians in the country. I could not believe my eyes. In a buka joint? I looked around and saw an actor and a popular actress.  I pointed them out to Amina and Bisi and they bursted into laughter.
'Na wa, even celebrities dey come this buka.' Bisi said as we laughed.
'Dis one na correct Sheraton. They’re lucky we don’t have serious paparazzi here like we have in the States.' Amina added. We bursted into another round of laughter. At the end of the line, another quarrel broke out that turned into a fight. One of the combatants was dressed in a suit. All because of this woman’s food. Na im be the ‘iya Basira’ Styl- Plus sing about o!
The guys came over to the table with the food. We gisted as they ate. Blaise, kept saying, “this is nice”. He asked me to taste it. I took a spoonful and did not see what was special about it. We all laughed at him when he almost ordered for second round.
Emeka asked him smiling, 'So, do you want to try out Mr. Biggs?'
'Nah! You are right. Cannot be this filled with the same money at Biggs. I concede, you win.'
We teased him some more as we drove home.
A few days later, I was walking down my street. I was listening to my I-pod and waving at some neighbours when I saw Blaise. He looked in a hurry.
'Blaise!' I called, he turned around and smiled. I caught up with him. Panting I asked, 'Where are you off to?'
'I’m off to Madam Sheri’s to have lunch.' he said excitedly.
'Why don’t you come over to my place for lunch? We have rice and plantain and my sister is preparing Egusi soup.'
'No, maybe next time.'
When he left. I was surprised. On a good day, Blaise would have invited himself over to my place for lunch. He stayed alone with his dad. I have not seen him the past few days. Na wa, dis na serious mata. It means he now eats every day there. In my mind, I remembered what Nigerian movies would say of such behaviour. I shook my head and continued home.
A month later, I was at Bisi’s crib. We were playing Ludo and talking about the ASUU strike that had kept us home for two months, when Amina rushed into the house.
'Have you guys heard?' she asked in excitement
'Heard what, Mina?' Bisi asked
'Spill the beans na' I added
'Remember that lady we went to her buka some weeks back?'
'Yeah, Madam Sheri, wetin do am?'
'She has been arrested by the police.'
We both stood up from the floor. 'Why?' 'What did she do?'
'Ok! I heard her neighbour’s husband died. Then their pastor decided to do a midnight prayer with the bereaved family. That night as they were praying, they heard someone scream. They went out and saw Madam Sher dressed in a white wrapper, carrying a calabash. To cut the story short, she confessed that she killed the man for rituals. She has been killing people for years. She uses their blood to cook her meals so people would always come back and her business would flourish. People almost killed her if not for the police.' She finished.
Bisi and I looked at ourselves. Dayo entered the parlour looking pale 'Please, tell me that was a movie you just narrated.'
“Nope, it’s not” Amina said with glee.
He ran into the toilet and started vomiting. Emeka and Blaise ran into the house. They were both carrying bottles of olive oil. They were gulping it rapidly. We started laughing at them. Blaise was furious.
'Emeka, you took me there. Jeez! How could you?' He gulped some more.
'Guy, how was I supposed to know she de wash put' He replied. We kept on laughing at them. Dis one na drama.
Since that day, Blaise never set foot in another buka. Emeka still goes but not to the ones with crowd. I am not saying mama puts’ are bad o! I love their affordability and dishes especially on days I do not feel like cooking. However, if you see one with lotsa crowd, people dragging for line and washing plates themselves, just think twice. Yeah, diabolical crap you might say. We love mama put in Lagos but do not forget this is Lagos, Nigeria, Africa!

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