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Sunday, April 21, 2013

LILLIPUT




It has always been one of my favorite novels ‘Gulliver’s’ travels’. I devoured the stories in it especially the one about the little people ‘the Lilliputians’. It was a journey to a different world. I always tried imagining what I would have done if I was Gulliver. I am borrowing the term for a different expression here but not far off from its origin. It is amazing the things we think that are best for us without even stopping to consider the reasons why we feel such things are best. Most women, infact every woman has the fantasy of a tall, dark, and handsome, prince charming, possibly add rich, who falls in love with her on sight and they live happily ever after.
  Why tall, why not short? That is why most people never have good relationships because they are there for all the wrong reasons entirely. They go into it because of the physical appearance. Does the physical appearance portray what is inside? Yes, agreed, you have to like the outward appearance a bit before getting to know the person. Doesn’t love grow anymore?
  If you ask most women their criteria for a man, the first thing on the list is tall. This to me is very bad. I thought one was meant to look for those in built characters that complement us. People keep looking for the wrong packages and not the right ones.
  I decided to go do some research and hear what people had to say. Therefore, I met Temi, a student, she says her guy must be tall, she cannot imagine dating a minus size or short guy. That she will be ashamed to introduce the guy to people as her boyfriend.
Onose, said it was over her dead body, that so if the guy wants to kiss her she’ll kneel down for him, that it’s not the way it’s meant to be, it is not romantic at all and she cannot imagine it happening to her. I got that same reply from all the women I asked.
 One, Lynda, even said that her mom would kick against it seriously and would never let her marry such a guy, that their kids might carry their father’s stunted growth and she wants tall kids.
  What about those guys and women of average height and below are they not meant to be loved too or are they not capable of loving? The first quality any reasonable woman should be looking for in a guy is for a guy who loves her, understanding, compatability, trust and friendship. Things that will last and be there even after you have both grown old and ugly. However, no, we are all looking for a Denzel Washington and RMD to come sweep us off our feet.
These fine, tall brothers are also aware of how they look, if I may remind you, so don’t think the height necessarily ensures you all the good things he can also share elsewhere. What I am saying is do not look on the outside but on the inside. Nobody is perfect and compatible to just anybody. why stay there for all the wrong reasons when there’s someone willing to offer it but you refuse it because say you dey wait for prince charming. No wonder most women get married late, some never do because they’ve painted a picture of the kind of package they want on the outside, and the result is heartbreak. So ladies do keep an open mind and go for the right qualities, I beg you.
Not only the women have a hand abi share in this height debacle, the guys do too.Tunde, an Engineer says,

 'no, I can’t oh, for what? I can’t introduce her as my girlfriend but if it’s for me to collect my 10% (just have sex), I won’t mind at all'
 Henry, a student told me that there are many fishes in the ocean why that one, when I asked him, what of a girl taller than you are? He also said that he could never date a girl taller than he is. So brother, who are you going to date?
  Through this I noticed that average guys like tall girls and very tall guys; do not like girls taller than they are or of same height. So really does the height of a person matter really, shouldn’t it be an inside thing. If you are ok with the inside, why worry about the outside because in the end, it is the inside that matters.  Therefore, what do you want in your package?

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Men are from Mars,Women are from Venus

  I have been hearing that line for years. ‘men are from mars and women are from Venus’ then i thought it was another scientific discovery that proved that God didn’t create men at all, so I called it balderdash! I kept hearing it on TV, radio, etc. I developed a new thought, maybe it’s an idiom used to explain or describe the differences between men and women. I did not know how close and far off I was from the answer. I know you are wondering what are Mars and Venus; planets have to do with man?
  I got my answer the day I followed a friend who was desperately looking for a self-help book at a bookstore in Ikeja. You know-self help books treat everything from how to be a great parent, to how to be a good wife. They have everything from books in relationship, to books in psychology, cooking, handicraft and the list goes on. That was where I saw it, written in bold pink letters ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’. I just had to buy it. I could not believe it was just a book after all. Therefore, i got it. It is written by Dr John Gray. As I read this book, everything began to make sense and I wondered where this book had been all these years. I will share some things I learnt and I know are common mistakes we all make in our relationships with you.,plus my thoughts in brackets. I hope I will not be sued for this, lols! Anyways, if you want the full details, go get your copy ,I got mine.
·     We mistakenly assume that if our partners love us they will react in certain ways; the ways we react and behave when we love someone, forgetting that men and women handle situations in a completely different manner and the other person is not YOU. (This is where we expect out partners' to be mind readers and know what we want, the way we want it or reason if it were me i would do this like this. We all are different beings ,so let up.)
·     A man tries to change a woman’s feelings when she is upset by becoming Mr. fix-it and offering solutions to her problems. He does not know that sometimes we women just want to be listened to, so, hush! Do not talk just listen.
·     A woman tries to change a man’s behaviour when he makes mistakes by becoming the home improvement committee and offering unsolicited  advice and help not knowing how critical and unloving she sounds because what he is reading from it is that you think  he doesn’t know what to do. (Don't be madam know it all, if you don't like being told you don't know how to cook, imagine how he feels when you tell him how to do stuff he should know. Let him make the mistakes, men have amazingly fragile egos.)
·     A man will want to make improvements, when he feels he is being approached as the solution to a problem rather than the problem itself.  (instead of saying 'I need to talk to you' try 'I have a problem' or 'I need your help' then introduce that thing he does you don't like diplomatically. Diplomacy goes a long way not just with strangers but your partner as well.)
·     Men are motivated and empowered when they feel needed by their women and women, when they feel cherished by their men.( you can do it yeah it is the independent woman era but that's why he is there, let him be the man. Men, let her know how much you love and appreciate her, we like to hear it, so show it,don't just say it. We feed off it)
·     A man’s deepest fear is that he is not good enough or that he is incompetent. Men need love too. ( Woman, you are not the only one that needs to hear that you are loved or have it shown to you, appreciate him and show him by words and actions that you love him, it's not just with sex. Men are human beings too. If you don't some other woman will help you out.)
·     The four magic words to support a man are; ‘It’s not your fault.’ (No matter how you just want to say it and pass the buick abi blame, shut the hell up. Everyone makes mistakes. You don't have to rub it in that you are right everytime.)
·     Men should never forget to reassure their women of their love, it is a basic need of women, to need re-assurance.(we are all insecure beings, tell us you do, everytime.)
·     In relationships, men pull back (withdraws emotionally) and then get close, while women rise and fall in their ability to love themselves and others. (give each other some space when needed)
·     When negative feelings are suppressed for a long time, positive feelings become suppressed as well and love dies. ( If your partner does something you don't like, tell them because it will be repeated next time. Forget tolerance, say it not rudely but calmly. Say how it makes you feel or it would grow into resentment and you'd start hating your partner, forgetting you never said a word.)
·     It puts too much pressure on a man, when you make him the only source of love and support. (love yourself woman and let him have a life apart from you, you should too, hang out with your girls and do things you love. Get a job and have a life, not when you need to buy toothpick you call on him.)
·     A man thinks that once he has met all of a woman’s primary love needs and she feels happy and secure, that she should know from then on that she is loved. (we need to hear it, so say it a lot.)

  When I was through with the book, I was amazed and felt well educated about the two beings called man and woman. Then I wondered, if I’m really in a bad mood and feel hurt would I at that moment even remember a weensy teensy bit of all this. hell no! I do not think so. Well, they say ‘no knowledge is lost.’ I hope you learnt a little. If you need the whole details, you know where to get them so you can stop making those mistakes because knowledge is power. Cheers and Good luck!!!

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