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Sunday, March 17, 2013

GARBAGE IN,GARBAGE OUT!

                                                              (written five years ago.)

   (I just had to bring this article back)


    What by Jove does that mean? I do not really think I know. Is it something good or evil? Guess it goes in and comes out as a stick of cigarette does with the exhalation of smoke. It does sound somewhat military, no computer language, I think.
     These days the rate of immorality amongst children and youths is something un-imaginable. Things I couldn't do at an age so young are done now.  Maybe, I would have done this particular thing but my parents weren't that type of parents. It's not as though I’m a grandma now. What exactly am I trying to say? Let me let you in on it. A female child of four, her parents buy her skimpy dresses that cover nothing at all. They see nothing wrong with it, they say, they want their child to look smart besides she is just a small girl (do not blame the rise of pedophiles these days). Please! What happened to smart, frilly, girly dresses, if I may ask? The little girl grows older, at 8yrs; she is still wearing such clothes until she gets to adolescence. We all did Biology and primary science, even if you were the dumbest in class, we know at that age, her breasts and other things (do not ask me to mention them) starts to develop. You can just imagine the picture. Do not blame her; she sees nothing wrong in it, which is how she was raised. After mum and dad, will tell her to stop wearing such clothes but Madam and Oga, Na una start am o! This was the case scenario for Hilda . Her family was my neighbor. Her parents were very rich, they bought her all sorts of clothes, very nice but skimpy. To be sincere, I envied her, we all did, and she was a few years older than I was. Her parents were never around, if her mum was not in Dubai, she was in Abuja, same for her dad; he was always travelling out of the country. She was left at the mercy of house-helps. She never lacked a thing. Men! Did we envy her because to us then, she had everything;she had the freedom we never had,she could do and have anything she wanted. As she got older, we started hearing gists of her with this boy and that boy in the estate. Next thing, it was that she was seen at various hotels in the arms of different men. She was now into prostitution or aristo, which is the better word, she drank, smoked, her dressing was bizarre. Even then, her parents were still never around. One day, a fight erupted in the neighborhood; the wife of one of her paramours beat her black and blue. After, we did not see Hilda around anymore. I later heard that her parents sent her out of the country after the incident. (I don't know if they expect her to change over there,lol! i guess they took her out to save the family from embarassement.) I believe the Holy Book said something about showing a child the right way to walk and he will never depart from it. Therefore, you see it is not her fault one bit. She was not well informed, since her parents were never around. Parents these days leave their children at home with the help and focus more on their jobs. It is not about providing them with all the material things in the world, what happened to the training and love parents give? Why bring a child into the world if you know you cannot take care of the child? Do not even bother. Garbage in, garbage out.
    When I was little, children were children. We played all kinds of outdoor games that made our brains sharp( don't know about you anyways) like, Suwe, Ten-ten, Police and thief, Ring-a-roses and so on. Watched cartoons and children movies like, Sound of music, Walt Disney fairy tales&cartoons, Hannah-Barbera cartoons and read many books. These days, good grief! You cannot help but weep. Yes, kids these days are smart too but they don't have fun.They play computer games filled with violence, shoot and kill! Watch violent cartoons, adult films and vulgar R&B and rap songs(i love rap). They don't read books no more. please, what happened to parental guidance? I have absolutely no idea. Even the so called Cartoon Network shows cartoons were robots are having sex. Parents do not check what their children take in because they do not have the time. You see a girl of 14 and she acts,looks and dresses 30. Our kids are growing up too fast,way too fast. This is a psychological problem but people don't know it. They want to be more than themselves, they feel adults have it all and they want some. They are seeking for attention. There is no one to look at that little girl and tell her there is nothing wrong in being 14. It's an awesome age. If she continues at this pace when she gets to 40, she has regrets and is tired already, there's nothing more to discover. No wonder we have, rapists, pedophilles, ,homophiles everywhere because they are looking for new thrills. (I have friends that are homophiles and through series of discussions, i understand this was one of it,reasons.) Kids of four have boyfriends and girlfriends already and before the age of 12, they have had sex. Nothing is left for adulthood. I even see parents that encourage it, they make fun of it. Do you think kids are stupid and are not listening and seeing the things you make them do? They say it's a modern age. Does that mean our morality should take a back-burner? Then we pat ourselves and say we serve God. 

   There are no songs for kids and the ones available idolize sex. Their music idols are sex symbols. If Beiber can do it, why shouldn't they? Their music and movie idols in Nigeria, say it's great ,so why can't they?  Hey! What is wrong with the media? They are corrupting our kids. A TV station that is on 24hrs will show kid's programme for only 30minutes or nigh an hour. What do they expect the kids to watch, they will watch every other thing they are showing too. Why don't we have a TV station for kids, as other countries do? That is why Cartoon Network is making their money in different countries, though they have been banned from some. Manga is definitely not for kids, i have read the comic versions so i can say it. We need a TV station for Nigerian kids or don't you think so? PG should be added to the TV programmes or something. Parents restrict the sites your kids can visit on the world wide web. I look into the eyes of little kids today and their innocence are gone.
    Now, we can see why  immorality is climbing. They are all giving out and practicing what they have taken in. Seriously, I do not want to imagine what the next few years would look like, with too many things that have been stored being let out.They have no one to talk to. Most of them suffer such psychological trauma, trying to find themselves as they mature, since they have no one to talk to, they talk to their peers who are as lost as they are or they look to the media. I pray for my noble country.What goes in, most surely come out. Garbage in, garbage out!

Monday, March 11, 2013

IS HE OR IS HE NOT?


  Men are from mars and women are from Venus, is what is used to explain the differences between men and women. Yes we agree but then in the world of today when it seems the traditional role has been reversed, how do you tell a man that is really into you. I could tell you the usual suspects about him calling you all day long or introducing you to the folks; well, I have had people who experienced the two and felt he was the one  only to realise he wasn’t. So, how do you tell if he is or he isn’t?  Yes, you shouldn’t push the man, let him make all the decisions, understand your place as the woman, we hear that a lot but how do you tell, how do you look out for your heart before it gets broken to pieces without a thought? What signs are there? Well, would share the little things with you and I hope they help you decide because you deserve to be happy.
·    Hot and cold: you are dating a guy and today, he loves you and tomorrow he wants you both to be friends. You don’t know where you stand. He’s playing games with your mind. He says this and says another. Yes you are not a mind reader .There is nothing as infuriating and  nerve wracking like not knowing where you stand especially if you are in love with the person. A guy that is interested in you wouldn’t want to play mind games with you. He’ll be open to you. We always explain away the mind games with ‘all men don’t know what they want. We have to help them decide.’ If a guy is blowing hot and cold on you, then he only sees you as a fling or nothing serious. His excuses are taller than a pyramid.Men know what they want when they see it. If you are wifey potential, fling potential, backup potential they know so stop making excuses. If he’s acting all confused, step away. You will only get hurt believing he’d wake up and see you standing with him and supporting him, being there for him. Don’t give me the Tuface and Annie story, you weren’t there. Move back until he knows what he wants or better still move on. You are not a light switch so give yourself some respect. If he’s into you he wouldn’t want to send you the wrong signal, so he wouldn’t play games.
·    Actions not words: women are creatures of words. We get deceived with words. Well, men are cognizant of that and tell you what you want to hear. A man that’s into you, that’s a different species, he backs up his words with actions. I don’t mean when he says he’ll buy you a phone and then does it. If that’s your basis for a relationship then you shouldn’t be reading this post. He says he loves you and he goes out by little deeds to show you how. He makes effort to spend time with you no matter how busy he is. He wants to hear your voice even though his whole day has been filled with meetings; just the sound of your voice makes him happy. He heard you say you wanted to see a chick flick and takes you to see it. He heard you complain yesterday about something and goes on to do it for you. Those little things. You say you are not ready for sex and he holds himself back. He treats you right. He listens to you, asks what you think, and shows you off to friends and family. He is proud of you and what you do even if it’s beans you selling. You shouldn’t just listen to words, look at the actions. The way a man treats you speaks volumes about how he feels and not his singing you a love poem. He stands by you in times of trouble. If you have a doer then you better treat him right and hold on to him.
·    Knows you: does he know you, the real you? I don’t mean stuff like what you do for a living, the kind of cars you like or the countries you want to visit. Does he know the real you that matters? A guy that is into you would want to know even the most silly things about you like, ‘what your middle name is, what primary school you went to, if you had a bully in school or you were the bully, how you feel about certain issues, the most embarrassing moment in your life, etc. He’d want to know your fears and hopes and dreams. I don’t mean you giving the info for free without his asking. If he’s into you, he would do the asking. He’d want to know everything, every little detail, share those parts of your life he missed. He’d want to know you in and out because you are the most important thing and the most interesting person to him. Asides wanting to know you, he’d want for you to know him too. He wants to share his life with you too, even those things he doesn’t dare share to the world he’d share with you. Simply put, he’d want to be your best friend and vice versa. Look at it his way, he wants to know you so he’d know how to please and love you better. If he doesn’t know all those silly little things how would he know what gift to get you or what he’d do that will please you and make you love him more? If your man doesn’t know your middle name or how secondary school was for you and those other silly things. He never asks or cares to and you still call him your man. Please evaluate that ‘my man’ you use. When you spend time together what exactly do you do?
·    Listens: does he really listen? He might keep quiet and hear you talk but does that mean he is listening? No it does not. When you talk to him, does he look at you and pays attention or does he reply all the messages and pings on his phone? Women love to talk about how they feel. We love to be listened to. It’s important to us. How do you tell he’s listening then? If you tell him in one of your many talks that you love artworks and it’s your birthday and he gets you an artwork, then he is listening. Another day you quipped into another long talk that you’ve never seen ‘Mrs somebody’ and your friend was telling you about it. Days later he takes you to the cinema or buys the movie and sits with you even though he hates Nigerian movies and it is a chick flick, he is listening. If a man is into you, he will listen to you, pay attention to you. When a woman talks you can tell how she feels about a whole lot of things. It’s in our nature to talk about our feelings and complain. He will listen because he wants to know what makes you happy or sad and how to make you feel good.
·    Respects you: there is nothing like respect. I see women who give it away and say he loves them. If he loves you he will respect you. He will accept you the way you are with your differences. He will respect your feelings on issues. He will not try to change you. He takes your no for your no and doesn’t get angry about it. He doesn’t try to belittle you before his friends or in public. He doesn’t tell you, you are not good enough. He looks and treats you with respect if he’s into you. He respects the kind of work you do. He takes you the way you are.  He admires you and gives you due attention now that is respect. A man that is thoughtful about your feelings respects you.
·    Opens up to you: If he’s into you, he lets you into his life. He shares his fears and worries. Yes they say a real man wouldn’t want to burden you. Please, do you think great men like Obama do not open up to their Michelle? A man that is into you wants your opinion and wants to seek your advice. He comes to you when he is down. He wants to involve you in every facet of his life. He trusts, respects and loves you enough to be himself with you, to be vulnerable. He goes to the extent of sharing his day with you, without even asking you know his itinerary for the day. If you don’t know what ‘your man’ is going through then take a step back. He doesn’t share himself with you and you tell yourself ‘men don’t like sharing their feelings, they don’t like opening up. At least he said he loves me.’ Stop dreaming and wake up.
·    Friends and Family: How does he introduce you to his friends, especially his female friends? If he’s into you, he’d make it clear to everyone with the way he introduces you. We let our friends know how important someone is by how we introduce them, so how did he introduce you. When you meet his family, how did he introduce you? Another question is have you met his friend s and family? He’d want to show you off, create opportunities for his friends who are important to him to meet you and get to know you too, same for his family. If you haven’t met any then I don’t know what to tell you. You meet them and he doesn’t attach a serious label before or after your name during the introduction then you should be smart. He will accept and tolerate your friends and family for your sake even if he doesn’t particularly like them but he will make the effort for you and not tell you to give up friends you had before you met him, just saying.
·    He never asked you: the dude never asked you officially to be his girl and you tell yourself he is yours. You say he digs you and you both are going with the flow. Good for you, you will flow out onto the floor. If he is into you, he will make it exclusive by asking you officially. He wouldn’t want to take his chances. He’d spell it out. If he hasn’t and you are warming the bed, cooking, and doing everything. Well, don’t mistake sex for love. A man can sleep with you all day and not be into you. So, has he asked you officially or are you just wasting your time?
   These are the major factors to look out for. If you have a man on the positive of all these then he is a keeper, if the opposite then better know what you want. What exactly do you want from him? Do you want to be a fling or more? Matters of the heart are very tough and it’s easier to think with the heart than with the head. The truth is love for yourself and self respect comes with making decisions that make you happy, don’t ever settle for less. You’d be there crying and thinking about the dude when you are nothing more than a passing pleasure. It’s time you made yourself happy, if he’s not showing it, you are not a soothsayer and playing a confused waiting game with your heart is detrimental to your focus in every sphere of your life. Remember you can’t make someone love you so don’t waste your time hoping and praying in an uneven relationship.  Learn to let go and don’t hang on as a friend and be hoping. You deserve a man that is into you as you are him and not half chops.  Check the vital signs and know when to let go. It shows strength of character, not weakness. What makes you happy?

Sunday, March 3, 2013

IS HOPE ENOUGH?


  I hear people say all the time,
 ‘We hope for the best.’
 ‘All we can do is hope.’
 ‘There is nothing we can do but hope and pray.’

 What then is your definition of Hope?

 ‘To have a wish to get or do something or for something to happen or be true, especially something that seems possible or likely.’   
      
 ‘A feeling that something desirable is likely to happen’.   
   
The above definitions are according to the Encarta dictionary.
  Should you keep waiting for a wish to get or do something? Or wish for something to happen or be true? Or keep waiting for a feeling?
  I see people sit down and say they have hope for the future. They have a feeling that things will work out. That hope is synonymous with faith. When you have faith, you can move mountains. When there is hope, there is life. Didn’t your bible tell you ‘heaven helps those who help themselves?’ You see it’s not just enough to sit down and hope.
  Only dreamers sit down and hope. You might not understand but let me paint a clearer picture for you. In Nigeria, everyone complains that things are bad, there is corruption everywhere and our leaders loot our money. If you ask any Nigerian what they feel they can do to change things you’d hear them say.
‘What can I do but hope things will change.’
‘We can only hope for the best for our country.’
‘We hope our leaders will change for the better’
‘Who I be? Na to dey pray I fit do.’
‘We hope the future will be great for Nigeria and all Nigerians.’
  I have been hearing all these since I was a little girl. Have things gotten better or worse now? Even our supposed leaders are hoping things will change. Why where they put in that position in the first place. Haven’t you heard?
‘We hope to have stable power supply in the year ....’
  I ask again, have things gotten better or worse now? You take a look around you, read up on the news and answer that question yourself.
  Let me give you another picture. It was the slave trade era. The 1780’s wasn’t pretty for blacks. They have been singing in the farms for years and hoping something or someone would come and free them from slavery, they were nothing but livestock to be killed, bred, traded and used as wanted. They got tired of hoping and some of them plus some quakers such as; Harriet Tubman, Henry Highland Garnet, Frederick Douglass, Charles Torrey, Levi Coffee and others under the Underground Railroad smuggled blacks out of the US to freedom. Harriet Beecher Stowe joined the struggle in her own way by publishing ‘Uncle Tom’s Cabin’. Slave trade got abolished but still Blacks and whites couldn’t mingle. Yes, slave trade had been abolished but still blacks were looked upon as animals and not human beings. They had to stand for a white man to sit in a bus. They couldn’t go into certain places. They couldn’t be given certain jobs. Even some schools were off limits to the blacks. Racial discrimination was at its height and it wasn’t concealed.  Another movement started, Rosa Parks a leading member of the local branch of the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP), said no to standing up for a white in a bus. Edgar D.Nixon approaches Martin Luther King and the Montgomery Improvement Association was formed to handle the bus boycott. It grew from there and it’s not my plan to give a history lesson but today, thanks to the efforts, actions and not just hopes of these courageous men and women, we have a black man as the president of the United States. That’s a big feat and I’m sure they are dancing, singing and jumping hoops in their graves and saying ‘We did it!’
   Hope is good and we all need it but Hope without action is useless. Hope is being optimistic but what are you being optimistic about if you don’t move. If you lie on your couch and hope someone will see how talented you are, what have you done to show it? You hope and dream things will change for you; what have you done to achieve that dream? Hope should be nothing but a backup, a wish that your plans and steps taken to achieve your desires work. ‘Hope is being optimistic about an action taken.’ That’s my definition of hope. You see, hope is not enough. You can’t sit down and do nothing and hope you become successful. You can’t fold your arms and hope Nigeria will get better and be great. You have to unfold your arms and use them and then hope. Don’t just be hopeful for nothing done. Do and then hope. I am tired of just hoping, aren’t you?

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