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Friday, December 13, 2013


Edwin looked into his wallet, he only had ten thousand naira left, resolved, he took it out and paid the cashier. He knew he was going to drink garri for a while and pay lots of visits to people to see food to eat but this was the event of the year and he couldn’t show up in the black blazers he wore to church last week. He had a reputation to protect.
  Linda hasn’t paid her school fees. Her parents were broke and gave her just one thousand naira to use as pocket allowance for the semester until they could get more money. Her boyfriend asked her what she wanted for her birthday and she mentioned the latest Ipad and a Brazilian weave. The cost of the two was near four hundred thousand naira and she was so happy. Everyone would see her as an it girl. A very expensive one at that. It never occurred to her to gather this money, pay her fees and give the rest to her parents. She was a campus big girl and everyone must know that she was in town.
  Ade wanted to please Ruth. He knew that the Blackberry she said she wanted he didn’t have the money anywhere. He was a student like her and his parents were not rich. He withdrew all his life savings, borrowed money from his friends, sold his gold chain and his laptop and bought the phone for her. He just wanted to see her smile. After all as her boyfriend he should be able to take care of her and provide her with whatever she wants. That was what real men did and he was one.  He wanted her to be the envy of her friends. He didn’t want to lose her.
  Tina loved to sport her natural hair. She loved being quirky. She loved the huge glasses and the sneakers. She loved herself. She met Dammy and gave up the natural hair for Brazilian weaves, got the clingy dresses going, gave up her sneakers for heels. She knew he loved women with class. He’d commented once or twice about her hair and her style. She’d seen his eyes glow appreciatively at the girly girls that all looked alike and she changed to get him to stay. She wanted his love and if making that sacrifice to make him think her gorgeous and beautiful was it then it was worth it.
   Lisa’s new friends were organising a girl trip to Dubai. Lisa ran and borrowed money with a promise to pay back so she could fit in and not be looked down on by them.
  Insecurities make people cut a cloth to sew a dress that isn’t their size. You have to learn to accept yourself as you are and your situation. Love yourself. If you do then you’d know you don’t have to change what makes you happy because you don’t want to lose someone. You’d say hey if they don’t accept the fact that I’m not as rich as they are, as travelled as they are then maybe we shouldn’t be friends. If you are comfortable in your skin, you wouldn’t care that what you wore is different from others. You wouldn’t let trivial unimportant things get to you. There’s always someone out there that would accept your eccentricities. If that girl wants to leave you because you can’t afford the new expensive phone that she likes then let her go. There’s a girl out there that would sit down and chew kulikuli with you. If he tells you he’d leave you if you don’t sleep with him, raise your chin up and show him the door. It’s not by force to do. If you did all that under duress, became who you are not for someone else, they will never respect you and in time you will hate yourself because you are unhappy and you begin to resent them. You will find acceptance as you are with the right people. Someone will love you as you are. Creating illusions with what you are not, you only destroy yourself, the people you are trying to impress only talk about you for five minutes in a twenty four hours day.
  Confidence and true beauty comes from within when you let yourself shine free of restriction and fear. What you have and put on will only give you a minute false confidence. Your inner confidence stays on the outside for much longer even if you have rags on. It shows in your speech, the way you carry yourself, your smile, your eyes and your laughter. If you like wear the most expensive dress in the world. Your confidence span would last for just ten minutes.
  If your material is big, small, medium, it is yours and yours alone. Learn to cut your coat according to your cloth material. Be yourself. Cheers!

Thursday, December 5, 2013


Everyone loves to feel good. Everyone loves to be agreed with.  If you are the kind of person that is always honest, says things straight up without any sugar coating on your words then you are headed for a whole lot of trouble with people.
  Max hated lies. He was a devout Christian and believed in saying the truth at all times. He felt the world should go that way. He was getting ready for a gala, his girlfriend came around. She wore a tight orange dress that did her figure and complexion no good. She looked like a drag queen but he said nothing. She walks up to him and asks,
‘How do I look dear?’
  And he let it rip. He said it as it was. She left his house in tears and they never went for the gala. He was perplexed. If she didn’t want to know the truth why had she bothered to ask?
  Max goes to work and his boss asks him what he thinks about a contract they were going after. He got into trouble. Everyone, the boss inclusive knew that Max had stated the obvious truth to them but they didn’t want it to be said out loud. They preferred it stayed in the recess of their minds.  Max’s friend asks a mutual friend of theirs if he thinks he has lost some weight and the friend says yes, Max’s eyes almost bulge out. This friend hadn’t lost an ounce of weight but had gained a thousand more. He looks around and asks Max if he agrees and Max tells him the truth. He gets angry and refuses to talk to Max, saying Max insulted him by calling him fat. He knew deep down that Max was right. Max kept wondering why people took an offence at everything he said. He was the recipient of people’s angry remarks and silence treatment just for telling them the truth, tired of it, he decides to try a new style.
  Max goes out months later and sees his friend who asks him how he looks and Max knowing that he looked like a lard of butter replies
‘You look fabulous. Have you been working out?’
   His friend preened happily and narrated his steps to perfection with Max. Eureka! It had hit Max. No one wanted to hear the truth especially when it stares them in the face and they are in self denial. So he became an expert in telling people exactly what they wanted to hear and keeping his thoughts to himself. He became the most sought after guy. His friends increased from ten to a thousand.
  Emily saw herself as a straight person. If she was sad, everyone knew it, happy, angry, she showed it no holds barred. If you did something and she didn’t like it she wouldn’t mince words but tell you as she felt it. If she doesn’t like you oh you’d know, pretence wasn’t her thing. You always knew where you were with her .She realised that in a week she had left fifty people she had interacted with that week angry. She didn’t understand why she had to hide her feelings and thoughts. After she got into it with a colleague, a senior colleague calls her to his office and gives her the golden rule,
‘Ass lick and be diplomatic. Act!’
Everyone noticed a change and was pleased. Here’s an example. Emily’s colleague has always tried to undermine Emily before their boss. Emily gets to work in the morning, sees her and smiles outwardly,
‘Hi Treesh! Wow! You look gorgeous today. You need to teach me how to apply makeup the way you do. I love it.’
Her colleague smiles happily. Two things have happened here; Emily has lied and she has made this colleague feel better by thinking she knows something more than she Emily does. Emily turns away from the colleague and her smile fades
‘Die bitch! I hate you! Your makeup looks like that of a village masquerade.’
Emily thinks to herself.  Emily’s bitchy superior that she quarrels with every time, makes a mistake and places it on Emily. Emily knows two things would happen; 1) if she goes to the boss to complain she’d get an enemy for life through her superior and 2) she will get sacked. She goes to this same superior and says,
 ‘Thank you ma, for pointing my error out, I never would have seen it without your help. I promise it will never happen again. I hope you don’t mind taking me under your tutelage. I would consider it an honour to learn from you.’
  Emily has struck gold here. She has saved her ass, made this superior feel good about herself and gained a friend. Oh don’t think Emily wants to be friends. She’d wait for the right moment and the right info to get back at the bitchy superior.
  If there’s one thing Ade had learnt, it was to agree with everything his bosses say. Hey and he moved up the ranks pretty fast. They saw him as their guy. Well, truthfully he wasn’t. He only told them what they wanted to hear to get to where he wanted.  The opportunity presented itself and he sold their secrets and jumped ships to their enemy, a bigger and more lucrative party.
  Haven’t you ever wondered why politicians tell you only what you want to hear to get what they want? Telling you what you want makes you shut up and leave them the hell alone. You even like them for it. Lol! They say politics is a dirty game but it’s a life game. The big mistake you make is to see another one in the same game or rather business with you as a friend because you agree, they compliment you, and you hang out together and all. You then let your guard down and give them info they need, when the time is right, they use that info and you call them dirty. Business is business and friendship is friendship doesn’t only happen in politics. It’s a general life rule; you miss out when you mix the two up by seeing your colleague as a friend and so many more. God help you if their outward speech and inward speech aren’t the same.  It’s like seeing your boss as a friend and getting carried away by it. When it comes to his money that Boss would show you he wasn’t your friend as you thought.
  Even men are experts at telling girls what the girls want to hear to get them to do what they want, sorry if you bought it sucker. You cry in the end, they go. Prostitutes, whether you call them aristos know this too. They give you a good time and make you believe they had one too but believe me you don’t want to hear their inner thoughts. Lol!
  The truth is half the smiles you got today weren’t real, half the compliments were lies and the list goes on. Being able to discern that’s where the battle comes in. Sometimes people tell you what you want for their own purposes, it’s not about you.  When people tell you ‘hiiiiiiii’ in high pitched tones that stretch instead of ‘hi’ you smile inside and wonder why say hi to me at all but they will and do to make themselves feel good and make you like them even if they don’t like you.   It’s called social etiquette.
  Agree even when you don’t agree for peace’s sake. Smile even when you don’t feel like it. Compliment even if you don’t want to. Tell people what they want to hear even if you know it’s a lie and save yourself the agony of an argument or to get what you want. Be diplomatic always!  Personally, I think it’s erroneous to believe people don’t want to hear the truth and keep lying to them. If you want sex and not a relationship, say it. If she’s game you roll. You tired of the relationship, tell him and don’t make him the stupid fool that held on to nothing thinking it’s his fault. If it doesn’t suit her tell her but modulate the way you say it. She’d prefer knowing than going out looking like a tent. You can say the truth in a diplomatic way too and not lie about it because you want the person to like you.  Or what do you think about it all? I leave you with a classic example.
“Smile and wave boys, smile and wave”- The Penguins of Madagascar.

Monday, November 25, 2013


  Ije had had her bad luck with men. She’d seen them all and she was tired. Luckily ,Love wasn’t done with her. Jesse came along and they fell madly in love. Ije couldn’t believe it. He was perfect. Everything she’d always wanted in a man. That little voice in her head kept her looking for warning signs. Jesse was handsome and the ladies loved him. He loved to socialise and the ladies swarmed round him like bees every time.  Jesse was madly in love with Ije, she was the only woman he had asked out. He always looked for ways to get away from the women to get to her. Ije didn’t know all these. Certain women amongst them made more serious moves. Ije began to wonder if there was something going on between one or two of them and Jesse. Her mind went wild with it. She tried hard not to show it. She didn’t doubt him nor mistrust him but she was scared. She wondered if he was going to leave her for one of them, if she wasn’t interesting enough. She tried hard not to let it bother her. She didn’t know if asking him straight up was the answer or finding a way to table it.
  Every time without planning it, the questions would slip ‘When last did you speak to her?’ ‘Are you guys such close friends?’  ‘When last did you see her?’  Jesse didn’t understand she wasn’t questioning his fidelity but her insecurities from her past relationships were catching up with her. He never helped matters; he never reassured her as a woman should be that she was his number one. He felt she was a big girl, they were friends and she should know there’s nothing there.
 The questions kept coming every time. Jesse got angry with her. He felt she really didn’t trust him.
  Jealousy is no respecter of person. You’d see men and women from the different stratas of society that go through their partner’s things. They try to read between the lines. They follow their partners around. If a member of the opposite sex so much as smiles at their partners their antennae goes up and the suspicions start building in their minds.
  Jealousy is human nature. How you let the jealousy consume you is what matters. That someone else pays attention to your partner doesn’t mean your partner is cheating unless your partner is the doer. Even then, they might just be friends.
  If you want to stop it, remember the saying ‘...keep your enemies closer?’ make the suspect your friend too. Invite them over and all. Let your partner meet with him or her in your presence. Make yourself available to go out with them and act normal. If the other person had any intentions in mind, they’d back off.
  If someone else finds your partner attractive and fun to be with, you should be singing ‘isn't she lovely, isn't she...’ because she comes home to you at night, he does same, you are the person she spends Valentine with, the person she tells her worries and vice versa. It should even make you grateful that this person chose you and make you treat your partner better and not take them for granted. Keep them interested, maybe you’ve grown too comfortable and you don’t look sexy anymore,you don’t bath for a day, you wear the baggies more,you are growing a pouch mister ,you don’t give it like you used too and you don’t go out on dates. Wake up before the new friend they got innocently wakes them up first.
  If you are the one with the jealous partner, then thank your stars your partner still likes you enough to get jealous. When you should really get worried is when they don’t bat an eyelid at all. Maybe you tell him you’re going out for drinks with a man ,even if it’s a business drink and he doesn’t ask who and where you going and vice versa, then you should just pack your bags and leave. No human being no matter how logical, strong and all that doesn’t get jealous, no matter how hard they try to hide it, when it comes to the man or woman they are in love with.
  You could help kill the jealousy by reassuring your partner (yes ,they are human). Introduce them to this person and all. That you love them doesn’t mean they shouldn’t have friends of your sex.
  Ermm, if it gets physical or obsessive this jealousy of theirs, it is time to run for your life if the reassuring and all else doesn’t work.  If you are a woman and he raises his hands on you every time you smile at another man or talk to one, take off your heels and run for your life. That is unhealthy jealousy and it is not your fault.
  We all get a little bit jealous sometime. This brings me to my pondering. If you are jealous will you tell your partner? Won’t you be scared that they’d think you don’t trust them? Don’t you also think they’d take advantage of your feelings if they knew how jealous you were? Won’t you be thought of as small minded and petty and lose respect before their eyes? Is telling them healthy? I know as the writer, I should have answers to all these for you but sadly, I am at a loss and would love to hear from your personal experiences and thoughts. So, which of the above would you think and do? That’s true, we were made in God’s image and he is a jealous God, go figure.

Friday, November 1, 2013


‘Do we look like age mates?’
‘You have no respect for elders.’
‘Look at this little girl addressing me like her mate.’
‘Do you know how old I am?’
‘I am your senior and you don’t talk to me that way.’
'My youngest sister is older than you.'

 Have you had any of the above said to your face before or maybe you were the speaker? Seriously, does the age thing really matter?
  You work in an office and you are all equals, colleagues but maybe unfortunately for you, you are the youngest. You would see how you’d be treated in that office. They’d treat you like the baby. The bulk of the job is dropped on your desk. When they have discussions your point of view will not be counted. If you know something on the job more than they do and you let them know it, they remind you of your age. It doesn’t matter if you were trying to help. It doesn’t happen everywhere but if sadly for you, you come in contact with people who have low self esteem and feel insecure with themselves; your age which is younger than theirs only reminds them. They feel insulted and angry not with themselves but with you for trying to rub shoulders with them and doing the same job they do at your age. They treat you like the enemy.
  It’s not right to bring up the age matter. The person, no matter how young, is not your sibling.  You don’t demand they respect you for your age. It’s their prerogative not yours. I know people would start with the 'we are Africans' mantra. Yeah, great, respect yourself and that young person and they will accord you your respect. You see supposed older people that because of your age accord you no single atom of respect, they belittle you and yet they want you to give them respect, if possible kneel down and kiss their feet. Don’t you see something wrong with that picture? It’s more annoying when you all are colleagues or you are their boss or you don’t know them from Adam.  You can’t say your mind to them and everything you do is evaluated with should someone beneath me tell me such things.
  If you feel the younger person disrespects you, ask yourself why? That you got into the world first doesn’t make you more knowledgeable nor does it make you perfect or better. People lose out on so much by looking at people through their age. If the person is a colleague and you resent them or their youthfulness, check yourself. It’s not their fault that you are colleagues. They didn’t place you at the level you are. It should even be a wake-up call to you to do better and not for you to rub it in their faces like it's a big deal.
  You make yourself the fool every time and anytime you use any of the above line. You don’t force people to respect you. You don’t force people to listen to you. Hey, I’m not referring to parents here. Ok, though sometimes they may be wrong but those ones we certainly owe them that respect. You could have been aborted or thrown away.
  If your number looks bigger it doesn’t automatically grant you all the knowledge in the world and the Wisdom of Solomon. Sometimes, you have to bring yourself down and be humble, it’s in that you find respect. You are not a walking encyclopaedia. You don’t know what you can gain or learn from that supposed stupid young person. Leave your numbers behind and bring yourself out and be open. We just use numbers to shield ourselves and cover our fears and insecurities.  How big is your number? Do you carry it around with you and let it weigh you down? Is your number bigger than mine? Does it matter to you?

Wednesday, October 23, 2013


  Have you ever been single for three months? By being single I mean, not having a boyfriend or a girlfriend? Today, we have serial daters. The thought of being single to them is equal to being alone and a failure. They need to be in a relationship. They need to have somebody to hold. They need somebody to tell them what to do. They need to be able to say ‘yes I have a partner.’ That’s the new breed today.
  You might even be dating one of them. You could ask your partner when their last relationship ended and the one before that. You’d notice the time frame. They see being single and not married as a death sentence. Even if they are not married, they have to be in a relationship at least. It makes them feel beautiful, handsome and powerful, to be part of a couple, to have somebody. You can ask why they feel this way. We’ve been told since forever that as a woman you need a man and as a man you need a woman too. Successful men and women have partners. It shows you are special when you have someone that cares about you and you are exclusive with. On Valentine’s Day and on Christmas day, you have to spend such holidays with your partner. On your birthday, there has to be a partner to wow you on that day. To them not being a relationship means there is something wrong with them and that they are not desirable.
  Well, can you blame them? Today, when it’s believed everyone should have a partner, if you are not married and you get asked the question;
‘Do you have a boyfriend?’
  You are female and you say NO. They begin to wonder and analyse you. They tell you it’s not possible and that you are not married yet so you shouldn’t be single. You need a man. Maybe you are too headstrong. Every man wants a woman that is this and that. They go on and on. Your not being in a relationship has been painted as a bad thing. Then you rush into the next available arms, whether you like them or not. It might lead to a marriage with that person and then it ends in a divorce, which I might add is on the rise today.
  If you can’t live alone with yourself, be independent till you meet the person you like enough to stop being independent with and share the buck load, then you have a problem. Do you flit from one relationship into another in days? You have never been alone, you date every day. You end one relationship and don’t give yourself time to be alone and you jump right into the next one? STOP! Slow down. Relationships won’t fill up the neediness you are feeling. Learn to be by yourself. If you can’t stand being by yourself, how do you expect another human being to stand being with you?
  If you are single, there’s nothing wrong in it. You keep going about your business and fulfilling your destiny. If the people around you can’t see how special you are enough to ask you out, it’s because them the wrong folks, the right one that can see you is on the way.  Enjoy your life and live it till then. Believe me, if you rush in, you’d regret it in the end. You don’t need a man or woman to help you boost your confidence nor make your life better. If you decide to stop being single and enter into a relationship let it be for the right reasons.  You met a great but not perfect person like you that you’d like to get to know.
  If you have a friend that is never single, help them out. If you are single; there is nothing wrong with you. You are strong and confident. Someone will notice the excellent features someday and want to share in your life, if you get that, awesome.  You decide to be happy, only you can make you happy, so live your life like it’s golden. Being single, doesn’t make you a monster nor does it mean you are lonely and alone. It is your choice. If you choose to be single and wait nothing wrong in that. You’re being quirkyalone. Or what do you think, is it a crime to be single and not in a relationship?

Tuesday, October 15, 2013


 The heart they say is a bitch and it decides whom it loves. Is it true? Don't we have a say in which human we fall in love with? When it goes awry and we choose someone stupid that falls short of our mark or breaks our hearts, we blame it on the heart. We had no choice in it. Is that the truth? We all hate to take the fall and admit we made a mistake, a stupid one at that so we look for someone to blame. In this case, we blame a tiny mass of muscles and arteries called the heart. Is the heart really the evil mastermind we make it out to be? Does it decide whom we love for us?
  Imagine a friend, dating a guy who beats her every time, blaming it on love. She cannot leave because she is madly in love with him.
  When Princess and Isaac first met, Isaac was charming and sweet. He paid attention to her, bought her gifts, took her out to exciting places. To be brief, he treated her like a real princess. As a girl and a human being, she fell for him. He was rich and successful at a young age. He already had an MBA and his own business. A few months into the relationship, she was over at his place for the weekend. They had a little tiff over her using his cell phone and forgetting to tell him when a call came in. They argued and before she knew it, he slapped her. According to her, he apologized repeatedly and bought her a gift to show how sorry he was. When she told her friend Edna about it, Edna did not want to hear what caused the argument; all she heard was


 That sentence kept reverberating in her head. She gave Princess the best advice she could as a friend,

‘Run like the wind before it’s too late.’

 She said no that he loved her and she deserved it for what she did. Some months later, she came to visit Edna wearing the darkest shades Edna had ever seen. It was darker than Ray Charles’ was. She refused to take it off but when she did, Edna screamed. Her face was black and blue. It was so obvious because she is fair in complexion. Edna picked up her bag ready to go give Isaac a piece of her mind with male friends that would beat him up. Princess held her back so she could explain to her what had happened.  She told her that she had gone to a fast food with Kelvin a mutual friend of theirs, when Isaac walked in with his friend, he saw her and stormed out the fast food. (Edna thanked God he did not make a scene at least.) She got to his place. She tried to explain to him that Kelvin was just a friend. He gave her three blows to the face. Edna stood up again ready to go over there and give the bastard a piece of her mind but she pleaded with her not to. She said Edna would make things worse, besides they had made up and he was sorry. That he is so in love with her that the thought of her being with another man drove him into a rage. Edna could not help saying,

 ‘Inferior, insecure man baby!’

Edna also could not believe her ears; she took a good look at her friend again baffled.

‘A man beats you up and you make excuses for him and to crown it all you pin it on LOVE?'

Edna tried so hard to make her understand that it was not right.

'A man who loves and respects you would not dare lay a finger on you.'

She tried to make Princess understand that it was not her fault, she deserved better and he might kill her one day. Princess refused to listen and told her if she would not get off the case, she would never come around anymore so Edna dropped it. Princess went back to him and Edna died a little bit because she was scared she knew what would happen.
  Few weeks later, Princess called Edna up. They hooked up at a restaurant, Princess was so excited. She was really glowing. They were eating when Edna noticed it finally, a sparkling diamond engagement ring. Edna knew she was supposed to be all giddy with joy and scream congratulations but she was sad. She was about getting married to a woman beater. Edna could not bring it up that day so she waited until the next.
  Edna reminded her of the previous incidents. As expected, Princess went into his defense that he was not bad because he laid his hands on her just twice a year. She caused the beating. It was her fault and she had forgotten all about it. He had promised her it would never happen again. Edna tried to reason with her again to no avail.
  A week later, Edna receives a call from Kelvin to inform her that Princess was in the hospital. She drove over. Princess was in the ICU. Her face was a mess, she had two broken ribs and she had miscarried thanks to the beating. Edna broke down in tears when she saw her. Princess' father had Isaac arrested but he was soon released thanks to his father, who was a former chief justice. Edna was happy that Princess did not marry Isaac because she might have just ended up dead.
  Princess kept asking Edna why she never noticed Isaac had a temper and was a woman beater. Edna could not tell her 'I told you so.' but was she blind all this while not to have noticed it. Princess blamed it on love once more, saying,

'You don’t choose whom you love. The heart has a mind of its own.'

 That was the time Edna lost it.

 'That’s just some excuse. The guy seemed perfect, showered you with gifts, attention and everything else a girl desired. To top it, he is young and handsome, so of course you chose him. YOU did, not your heart. So, don’t blame it on your heart. He laid his hands on you the first time and you stayed. He tried it again the second time and you loved him. If not that you lost your baby and nearly died, you would still be with him, so spare me all that love crap.'

 Isaac came begging days later, Princess almost went back to him but her parents forbade the relationship and threatened to disown her if she went back to him. Edna couldn't blame them because children were supposed to bury their parents and not the other way round. Until this day, Edna thanks God for her friend's life because she is sure she would have been dead by now if she were married to him.
  Now you see what I am talking about, she refused to take any blame for choosing this man but blames it on the heart. If she had died tomorrow or lost a part of her body, she would say she never saw it coming when the signs were there. Women beaters are a special crop of men whom I call insecure men with an acute case of inferiority complex. It starts with a slap, and then they will apologize and tell you they love you too much that they find it hard to control themselves and would not have touched you if you had not done what you did. Mind you, the apology comes with a gift but he would say all this. You end up believing him because you do not know what to say. You refuse to believe he is bad and you do this because you do not want to rock the boat. He would leave you for a while. The second time, he will increase from one slap to three or four. He tells you the same thing all over again. This time you will be the one apologizing because you bought the crap he told you the first time. If someone asks you what happened, you will say you fell down or you hit your face when you walked into the door. You become an expert liar for him. When he sees you are still hanging around, only God will save you the next time because he was just testing the waters with the previous two. The next one thanks to the fact that he knows you love him and you’d always forgive him and stick around , he’ll beat you within an inch of your ‘precious’ life. If you ask me, that was what happened to our dear Rihanna when Chris Brown beat her black n blue.
  There are two types of them we have the physical beater which is the most common and we have the emotional/ psychological beater; this is the worse type , they kill your self esteem and your spirit, to them you are good for nothing and you start to believe it. If you find yourself in this situation, one advice, RUN!!! Run like a bat out of hell before it is too late. If you have a friend in this jam, it is time you called an intervention for her before she dies. If it’s a colleague at work, a course mate in school, a neighbor who always has a shiny, you can do something to help them, reach out. Remember, not all that glitters are gold. That shiny, suave, debonair exterior may be the costume for a monster hiding within.
  If a guy slaps you, do not ever take it lying low. It is better to be single, happy and alive. It is that simple. Sad thing is there are women who buy this kind of men as the definition of love. Some of these women were brought up in families with abusive fathers, were raped and have so much psychological trauma that it seems normal to them. You would even meet one that keeps dating women beaters. She is like a magnet to them. These women might be successful in their careers but stay with this. They need your help and support. They need to build their inner self confidence. No woman confident internally and knows her real worth as a woman, a woman that respects herself and demands respect wouldn't stand for this. Show them love and counsel women who are victims of women beaters. They always have injuries, pain in some body part (some men beat women in non visible parts of the body) and always have a ready excuse for their injury or pain. Please, look around you today and save a life. Thank you!

Monday, September 23, 2013


You may be looking at your present situation in despair. There’s no money in your wallet, not enough money, no lover to share your life with, no job, no car, no house, no child, whatever it is, you feel like this is it. You feel like your life has reached its summit. You may think about ending your life, after all there’s nothing to live for. You cry scream and depression holds you down.
  When you look around you, all you see is where you are now and it’s not where you want to be. You feel helpless and lost. You feel like you have no control over your life. It eats you up. You feel like you are in a hole and you can’t find your way back up.
  Here’s what you should remember; yesterday it wasn’t raining but it is today, ten years or more ago, you were in secondary school but now you are not. What does that tell you? It shows that this phase too will pass/ things will change. You have to believe that and smile in contentment with what you have. Deal with the now and present. If you want a change in your tomorrow and you want it to be different from your today, it’s all up to you. Avail yourself of the little opportunities that come your way and seem like nothing. You have to decide to change your tomorrow and make a change, swallow your fears, depression and self doubt and move. If you take no step today, you will always remain where you are today, tomorrow.
  Take out a pen, paper and five minutes alone and ask yourself some questions;
1. Who are you?
2. Do you have a reason to be thankful in your life?
3. Do you have a problem or situation you don’t like?
4. What is the problem or situation?
5. Where do you want to be?
6. What are the possible solutions to take you to where you want to be?
7. Which of these solutions should be short term or long term?
8. How do you carry out this solution or solutions?

  When you are done with the above, read through your list and smile. Smile because you’ve taken the first step in changing your present situation. Where you are today, you will not be in tomorrow but it all depends on you and no one else. It’s your choice and decision to make and the time starts now. Cheers!

Thursday, September 19, 2013


Kima was beautiful and brainy. The two Bs she had them. She was twenty seven and wasn’t in a hurry to settle. She hadn’t found the right man yet. She met Steve and after a while she met Ola. She was in love with Steve but she couldn’t let go of Ola. Her friends, Chioma and Rachael decided to help her out, so they called for a sleepover with ice-cream and a movie. They asked her who she was in love with.
‘I’m in love with Steve, always will be.’
Kima dug deep into the ice-cream bowl and continued,
‘But I can’t lose Ola.’
‘Girl, you can’t keep the two. You have to make a choice fast....’  Rachael spoke up
‘Or you end up losing thee two of them.’ Chioma completed.
‘I know but it’s not that easy. I can’t explain it.’
‘Kima, that’s why we are here. Try and explain it to us and to yourself.’  Chioma soothed.
Kima took a deep breath and some ice-cream and went on,
‘Ola is like my best friend. I can let my hair down with him. We play a lot together. I can tell him anything and he won’t judge me. He knows the right things to say and do. We are just in sync. We have this connection. He makes me laugh, smile and makes me feel good about myself.’
Rachael and Chioma looked at themselves and back at Kima, they were speechless. Racheal found her voice,
‘And what does Steve do to you?’
‘I’m in love with Steve. He makes me want to be a better me. It’s like we compete most times. I always feel like I have to try so hard to match up to him because he’s perfect. He pushes me. He’s the man I love. I can’t explain it, he’s like a challenge and he makes me feel all giddy inside like a school girl.’
‘Wait, that’s ..that’s all...what... th’ Chioma sputtered
Rachael took Kima’s hand, ‘Babe, what’s your definition of love?’
‘Wait, before you answer that, let me remind you that these two guys are both successful in their fields. They are ok, wealthy.’
‘C’mon Chioma, I knew that already. They are my friends. Well, love is a feeling you can’t describe. You get butterflies in your belly thinking about the person. He makes you feel indescribable. You just want to do your best to please them and make them happy. That’s it and Steve makes me feel that way.’
Chioma stood up and looked at her like she was mad.
‘What about you? And if you were so in love with Steve, why did you add Ola to your list and your bed? Think about it. Shouldn’t you settle with your best friend, some one that makes you happy, smile? Kima, think about this very well. If you ask me Ola is it.’
‘Chioma, let her be. She’s the one in the relationships. It’s her choice to make.’
‘Oh Rachael stop it. I know you agree with me. You are thinking exactly what I’m thinking. She’s our friend and she needs to hear the truth. Kima, love shouldn’t make you compete. Love is not hard, it shouldn’t be. Love shouldn’t make you feel like you are not good enough or you have to work harder to please. Why do you think I got married to Edwin? He’s my Ola.’
‘Ermm, Chioma I can say I understand what you mean but I don’t. What I have with Steve has always been my dream. It is what I understand love to be and I’ve been looking for it. He also fits the image of my dream man. He’s a great guy, you’ll see.’
‘That means you’ll drop Ola. What’s wrong with him? Is it because he doesn’t give you butterflies?’
‘Chioma stop!’
‘Rachael if you won’t talk then let me. Kima, please answer.’
‘I don’t know, Chi . I just know I feel lightheaded with Steve.’
‘Ok! How’s the sex on both sides?’
‘Jesus, chioma!’
‘We are not kids here. She’s obviously sleeping with them both.’
‘People, I’m in the room you know.’
‘Yes we do. How’s the sex?’
‘I haven’t thought about that but now you asked, Ola gives me orgasms, Steve not so much but he’s good in bed.’
‘Yet he doesn’t take his time to wait for your climax.’
‘Christ, Chioma, what’s gotten into you?’
‘I’m saving our dear friend from a divorce and a very unhappy marriage. I’m done playing bad cop, you take over.’
The girls burst into laughter.
‘Chioma, thank you for trying to help me but Steve loves me too. Besides, he fits my notions on love.’
‘I wish I could find a guy like Ola.’ Rachael whispered to herself.
The girls continued with their movie, each filled with their thoughts on the matter called love.

  If you read that piece above, don’t go into the usual ‘women are confused story.’ That is not my intent. My intent is to show you everyone has different notions on love. I have heard and seen men with the most ridiculous dreams on what their perfect spouse should be like. Ladies do same too. We often leave the people that are our 80 and choose our 20 because we know no better on love.
  You see guys that leave getting married to their best friends and then when they have issues in their marriage, they run to their best friends and complain. They can’t tell their wives certain things but they can tell this female friend. Lots of ladies do the same too. You just end up cheating on your spouse emotionally because you have someone else and not them as your best friend.
  All I’m saying is check your notions on love. You might have the perfect person in front of you, hanging on as a best friend that you tell all to but you don’t see them because you have some wrong notion of how love should be. Every relationship, even marriage is a partnership, that’s why it works with your friend. If you can’t talk to the person that should be your ‘better half’, the person that should be your partner against the travails and ill winds in the world, then why in hell’s name did you marry that person?
  So I ask; what are your notions on love?

Thursday, September 12, 2013


  It’s amazing when you pause to study human nature. Remember the story in the bible of the rich man with plenty lambs and the poor man who had one ewe that he loved and treated as his child. A guest came to visit this man with a flock but he didn’t kill his, he took the poor man’s only lamb and killed it. Don’t you just wonder about it sometimes? It wasn’t just greed that prompted that rich man to take the poor man’s only lamb, it wasn’t power, and it was a human emotion called envy.
But then you ask how can a man with plenty envy a man who has just one? Well, let me start with a story maybe you’d understand.
 In the neighbourhood everyone knew Wale, he was doing ok. He had money and more to spare. He had a duplex to himself and an expensive car. He was successful in his field and got lots of jobs. Other dudes in the neighbourhood placed him highly. He bought drinks and stuff for them. His house was always a meeting place. None of the other guys really had jobs or a car like he did.
  Femi was one of such guys. He always followed his friends to Wale’s. Femi had dreams but he had no money and no job. He was still squatting at a friend’s place. He was hustling hard but nothing was working.
  Wale knew Femi was squatting at a friend’s and had nothing.
  Femi was good at sculpting but being fresh out of school, he had no money for materials and other needed things. One day, he heard about an international sculpting competition that involved prize money. Femi borrowed money and got materials and did his best work. He won and got the money and the recognition. All the guys in the neighbourhood were happy for Femi. They spread the news round, wale heard about it.  Femi’s life changed a bit. Jobs came his way and he was able to move to move to a one room apartment where he worked from and got a small used car to help him convey his materials and other finished products.
Femi’s friends were going to Wale’s place and he went along. Wale asked him about the award and how business was going, Femi excited regaled to him the experience and how it felt travelling to England where the award was given to him as he beat works from all over the world. Wale went into a daze, someone had to call his name and when asked what was wrong, he said nothing. Femi continued with the experience. The other dudes present hailed him and made him buy them drinks to celebrate his win. Femi bought everyone drinks including Wale.
One day, all the dudes met, Wale asked a question and Femi answered. Wale went into a tirade.
‘You don’t know how to talk. Who do you think you are exactly? We are not age mates so mind how you talk to me. We are not even in the same class. Is it because I’m still living in this neighbourhood with you? I was meant to move to Lekki but I decided to stay here. Let me tell you, you are not in my class and you will never be in my class.’ Femi kept apologizing even though he couldn’t understand what was wrong in what he said to have elicited such a reaction. Wale stormed out. The other guys gave different excuses for no one could understand the outburst.
Femi and Wale had never had issues personally. Wale still had more money and property fifty times over than Femi had. Femi never tried to match up to Wale, so what caused this outburst of Wale’s?
Wale had seen Femi in his lowest. He was the guy that had nothing that he dashed money to once in a while. He never saw Femi as a competition. He never believed Femi would rise. They talk together and he never saw Femi’s words as insulting or he trying to compete with him but behold that dude he gave money to was popular all of a sudden, doing something he wasn’t doing. He had won an international award and was invited to England for the ceremony. He was good at something, he was getting jobs, he now lived alone even though it was a one room apartment and he had a car even though tis a cheap used car. To top it all, he could buy drinks for everyone. Wale didn’t mean to but he took more notice of Femi and something grew a huge dislike. He started weighing Femi’s words, checking their meanings, he felt Femi was trying to match up to him, displace him. He might not have known he was doing this but Femi turned from being that insignificant dude to someone who had something and would try to rub it in his face, so he had to remind him of his past and put him in his place, even though that past was fast changing. There was absolutely no need to be envious but Wale couldn’t help himself.
   You have seen it happen around you to other people or maybe you but you never took note. The real thing is there is enough space for everyone to succeed. That you know someone down today doesn’t mean they’d stay there forever. We all have different paths and as they say: ‘If God is blessing your neighbour, it means He is in the neighbourhood’. So wish the person well. Don’t try telling people you are better than them or they’d never be in your class. Of course they can’t be in your class because your class is yours. They will be in their class not even thinking about you. So, be careful of that green eyed monster when he comes around you. There’s space for, you, me and everyone else to make it in this life and we all need each other to grow. Do you think Femi will ever forget what Wale told him? What if tomorrow, Wale needs Femi’s help for something? We just use some stupid notion of age and class to drag ourselves down. How old were the technology billionaires in the world when they made it from nothing? Age is nothing but a number and class is manmade and in your head, all subject to change.
  Don’t feed the green eyed monster. He is worthless and doesn’t deserve to be fed.

Tuesday, September 10, 2013


 The lab used to be one of the biggest psychology labs in the UK but funding was not as it used to be. The board of trustees and other sponsors were tired of the results. Professor Nathan had been a behavioural scientist all his life, studying human nature like the famous psychologists before him and contributing to his field was his life’s mission. Now , the last three tests hadn't worked and he had spent  the funds for the research in paying over one thousand people they had kept in  a controlled  area for a week in the past three months but the tests hadn't worked. He’d brought in UK citizens of different descents ; Africans, Hispanics, whites, Arabs and so on but it just didn't work. The board was on his neck for a result. He thought as he looked at his mice. They were easier and gave more results. He prayed for a miracle, a fast one.
  Jack Barnes was excited to start work at the lab. He’d been watching lots of movies and cartoons that had labs. He was sure it was going to be an exciting experience. Maybe there’d be spies , chemical weapons or something wow but his dreams were dashed when he started. It was plain boring being a lab assistant. He looked at the mice as he stood behind Professor Nathan. He squelched the yawn that threatened to come out. When he looked at the lab , his imagination went wild. He saw Pinky and the Brain and a laugh escaped.
  Hours later he was registering the fifty people that were going to go in next for the tests and as he watched them one by one, he laughed some more. His imagination went wild, imagining if his friends and family could watch them as they related in that house alone. Wait, the lab was in bankruptcy what if they could make money from this?  To let the whole of Britain and other parts of the world watch these different characters in a one place for days while they watch too and continue their research. He pitched the idea to Professor Nathan and he laughed at him. He told him it wasn't professional, behavioural scientists don’t do that. The idea wouldn't leave Jack’s head. One day he ran into Mr Greene, he was a member of the board. He told him about this idea of his. Mr Greene saw money signs in it. He told him not to mention it to anybody else.
  The next week at a board meeting, Mr Greene mentions it to other members of the board and they asked him to spearhead the project. They wanted their money back and making more money they were all in for. It was time to research.
  Edward Hughes was in charge of the Alpha media and the last show they had hadn't made much. Darn British and the sci-fi movies craze. He needed something new. He was delighted when his old buddy, Greene called him. He went to meet the board and the idea was pitched to him. Reality TV! Who had ever taught about that? He knew it was going to be the biggest show of his life. He said yes and the lawyers came in and contracts were signed. Jack Barnes was excited, his idea was about to happen. Mr Greene asked him what he would like to name the show and he said ‘BIG BROTHER’. The auditions were held and the contestants went was the biggest thing on TV. Britain ,loved it. People were voting. The board was happy, so were Professor Nathan, Jack, Mr Greene and Edward. This was history in the making. This was it. The people in the house were given activities and they in the lab got to study their behaviours, interactions and draw their conclusions on human patterns.
  Professor Nathan wanted a different descent so they moved to other countries and continents. They even tried celebrities from different parts of the world in their continents. There was always a careful selection of characters each time, put in the morally conscious and the wild ones together, throw in a married person and all sorts. Put in characters with stories and watch people’s reactions to them. Professor Nathan couldn't believe the results he was getting each time. The deal was the general public never knew it was a test and the people in the houses were just lab rats that go in and do nothing and whoever stays longest with more votes wins a chunk of money for doing absolutely nothing and goes home famous. They studied the reactions of people outside to the doings of the people in the house by their site, visiting the blogs and the papers. They also studied people’s reactions to whoever won and finally the concept of celebrity. Why the winners were considered celebrities by those on the outside? They made over a million of the chunk they gave out to winners world over. It was like a cock fight. Place two cocks in a ring , bring people to watch via the TV screens and other platforms and make money via their bets on either cock but at the same time watch people’s reactions to their favourite cock.
   In Africa and other parts of the world with cultures on conservative dressing and sense of decorum,, they showed the housemates bathing and gauged the reactions of Africans. They got their response, so it was pulled off and made available to only those that paid more to see them naked. They also studied the number of people that wanted to see them naked. Yes BIG BROTHER was a dream come true, studying the lab animals, giving them the necessary tests when needed and make billions from it as they studied. THIS IS BIG BROTHER.
Well, if you just finished reading that, that’s my personal big brother theory. From the first day i got to watch it years back, this has been it. So, what do you think; am i right? Have you ever sat down or paused for a minute to think about it? What’s your theory?  BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING YOU.

Friday, September 6, 2013


T.M.S' Finding Teen Me, has come and gone but the impact lingers. Below are some pictures from the event organized by THE STIMME COMPANY. Enjoy!

                                                                 REGISTRATION ONGOING
                                                                                 DJ FLAMES
                                                                ERIC NWANSO

                                                       Teens getting their red carpet interview by Eric.

                                          ANOTHER SPEAKER, OLABOLUDELE SIMOYAN (AUNTIE BOLU)

                                                 MR SUNNY, DROPPING OFF HIS KIDS.

         The speakers: Dele Ayo Bankole, Kehinde Abioye, Olaboludele Simoyan and Adeleke David.

                             The Celeb guests ; Actors Paul Utomi and Felix Omokhodion.

                                                                    Felix Omokhodion
                                              Florentina Okeke and Kingsley Okeke

                                                            Typical teen behavoiur.

                                                               Kehinde Abioye

                                                            Turning Point Crew

                                                        Question and answer time.
                                                           Dele Ayo Bankole

                                                    The Transformed Generation Crew

                                             Felix Omokhodion  gets interviewed by a teen

                                                              Oaney Sings
                                                             Teen answering a question.
                                               Auntie Bolu getting the teens involved.

                                                         Paul Utomi in the hot seat.

                                                               Paul Utomi
                                                   Teens filling out their questionnaires

                                                  Some teens, speakers, facilitators and guest.
                                                           Frances with some speakers

                                                            Some Facilitators
                                          Frances Okeke, Cecilia Ogbonnah and Chinenye Jibunoh
                                                          Some teens and facilitators.

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