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Saturday, November 17, 2012

Moving On

 ( This post was my third post ever. So, it is a blast from the past. I just had to bring it back. Enjoy and i hope it helps you.)
  Relationships are very binding. They can also be very tasking. They can make us and can break us. If your relationship is a good one, you grow, if it is bad it robs your self-esteem. Being in a relationship is same as growing a flower garden. You put your time and energy into it. If you do not nurture the seedlings well in the nursery ,nothing sprouts but imagine this scenario; you check them every morning and evening, you water ,you tender it lovingly and it grows into a very beautiful flower garden, well blossomed and all. One day ,from nowhere ,someone comes into that garden and tramples on the flowers, ruins everything, you would feel hurt because you know the amount of time you’ve put into it and you’ve grown to love it as you watched it grow. Most people had pets as children. When you receive a puppy as a gift, you grow to love this puppy. He is your only constant. You bathe him. You brush him. He eats with you, follows you everywhere, and sleeps on your bed and one day he is gone. Nothing can really describe that feeling.

   Going through heartbreak is a total bitch. It is the hardest and the most painful thing one can ever experience. A loved one dying is better than going through heartbreak or a divorce. You get to see same partner with someone else, that twinge in your heart would always be there no matter how little because you ask yourself ‘wasn’t I good enough for you? Did you ever love me? was I that bad?, what did I do wrong?.’

   The first few days after a breakup especially if you were the one on the receiving end can be very tough.  At this moment, you go through what I call the denial stage. You refuse to believe it is over just like that. You call the person, they still pick your calls or they do not pick but give excuses, which you buy because you want to believe a lie.

   The next stage is the reality stage. This is when the truth kicks in. You call they do not pick, even when they pick they do not answer as they usually do. You send a text; they never reply or do so in a week’s time. Now you notice; they never call you anymore and never text.

   Next is what I call the venting period, you analyse the relationship and say to yourself, you were not at fault. Lay all the faults at your former partner’s doorstep. True, they may be the devil but you were the enabler. Your fault might be; you did things in excess maybe you called too much. You always made up excuses for your partner’s faults. You were too trusting. With this stage comes the analyzing mania. You end up analyzing the whole relationship, asking where you went wrong (you will try to ask your former partner but they will never say a word.). Every time you hang out with friends, you start analyzing and asking their opinion of what they think went wrong. You become so obsessed; you drag strangers and prospective partners into it. This period can go on for months, sometimes years. With this stage comes the feeling of worthlessness, loss of self-confidence due to not feeling good enough. You blame yourself for everything that went wrong. You call yourself all sort of names, you would even say you do not deserve to be loved. You will try to get the both of you back together and believe there is a possibility in future for the both of you. You will cling to the phrase “what is meant to be will be.”

    Yes, it is good to analyse for a while, be depressed, cry your heart out but do not do so for too long. Snap the hell out of it and smell the roses again.

This is the first thing you should do after a breakup, cry over it or be sad for a bit, you need it. You are mourning the loss of your relationship, the dreams you had for it. Next analyse it objectively, without emotion .if you cannot do it, ask a friend you feel can be objective to help you with it. You do the talking because you are the only one that knows what went down, so they do the analyzing. If you know your faults and accept them (you might have been too clingy or a very bad enabler, etc.) you will be careful not to repeat them in the next one. Don’t stay alone all the time, the more time you spend alone, the more depressed you are because all you’ll do is think,think!think! Go out with your friends because at this period your friends and family are your support system. They are your backbone. I cannot stress that enough. Try to meet new people. Take out time and learn one thing you have always wanted to learn, this is one of the best therapies for forgetting a bad breakup. Most people feel very angry after a breakup, one thing that works like a charm every time is to vent on paper, write down everything you feel, do not hold it up all inside, vent it, vent it! Vent it! After tear the paper up. It is very therapeutic.

Please, DO NOT keep personal items of your partner or of your relationship lying about. Get off your ass and throw them all out.

Do not ever call your ex. Kill that urge. Of course, they will pick but it does not mean anything. You just gave them power over you. You calling them means I still think about you. It makes them feel good but they will see you as needy and that you cannot live without them. So, get over it.

ok with it. Let another person step into the picture for them, then you will realise you not over it. You need total space from them to move on. If you are in the friend zone with someone you were in a higher zone with it is easier to relapse back into that zone. This time, the pain you felt before will multiply.

Never think of getting back with an ex. The same problem that killed it will still surface and guess who would be the two times looser and fool? YOU!

Yes, you feel as if your world is crashing but look at the brighter side, the break up is also a good thing. It can be the best thing to happen to you. It makes you soul search, find out what you really want and meet a better person. I know you think you have feelings for your former partner and believe they do to and you pray you get back together, let me help give you a kick in the ass. Unrequited love is the worst thing anyone can experience, it is one sided and you do not deserve that. You deserve someone as good as you are therefore work on yourself now. You deserve to love and be loved, so stop the delusion! Anyone who loves you would never ever let you go. If you know you did your best in the relationship, you tried everything to make it work. You fought for the love you think was there, your partner knew it but left you to do the fighting alone, walked out on you and slammed that door. If they come back singing, ‘I still love you’ do not open that door, leave it shut. Stop making excuses for them and stop buying the ones, they give you. Your partner aint a lower animal that does not know what it wants. Man thinks before carrying out any action.

   Yes, now you down in the dumps, thinking ‘how do I start over?’ Baby, you can! Yes, you can! Believe me, when you stop making excuses and let go. You learn to know what you want, what is good for you and makes you happy and not another. I tell you years from now; you will forget this person’s name. You would say to yourself ‘I went out with you. I must have been lonely and in a fit to have done so.’ Don't forget the most important thing , learn to forgive yourself.

Moving on, sometimes is beautiful, it brings hope for the future and it holds big promise, so, wake up and smell the roses again, the right person is behind the rose bush. GOODLUCK!
(If you enjoyed this then you should read these other posts on this site ; IS YOUR LOVE BLIND?, UNREQUITED LOVE, UNREQUITED LOVE 2.)

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